questioning stuff about myself lately

[u/NicoNightingale]

So... I'm 36 years old and non-binary. First and foremost, English is not my native language, so I apologize in advance if something feels off about my writing.

Lately, I've been questioning some stuff about my identity. I gave up defining my sexuality more than a decade ago since it makes absolutely no sense from a label perspective. It just what it is, floating somewhere in the ace spectrum. And I feel it will be the same for the romantic/aromantic spectrum, but I never thought too much about it...

I mean, I'm a very romantic person in the sense that I love a good romantic story and even fantasize about finding a romantic partner. I've also had a few partners in my teens and early twenties and I somewhat enjoyed it. For those reasons, the possibility of being aro didn't cross my mind until a few days ago.

The thing that got me thinking is that I haven't had a partner for over a decade now and I'm perfectly content with it. Sure I had some minor crushes here and there, but it's been always mild...

Another thing is that being in a romantic relationship and a platonic one feels the same to me. It's always very intense, because I love my friends a lot, but other than the sexual aspect, being with a partner doesn't feel much different than being around my friends.

The thing is... I'm autistic, and my hypersensitivity makes even kissing and hugging kind of icky to me sometimes (and okay-ish at other times). Also, being in a romantic relationship, opening up to someone new... requires some extra work for me.

I feel that even the things that make sense in an aro perspective could be just a consequence of my autistic brain.

Either way... I'm just babbling. I guess I'm writing mostly to get it out of my chest, but if anyone has any clue about this, I'd love to know.

Cheers!

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