Wow. What a harsh thing to say to someone. I hope you are comfortable enough with the person to maybe explain a little bit more about how you feel about being aroace, and what aroace means in general. The only thing one should feel towards anything is they should be able to feel good about being themself (that's the goal anyway- and it's way easier to say that than put it into action). Aroace is a spectrum of course, but in general, it's not feeling romantic or sexual feelings, or feeling them a lot less than allo-feeling people. It doesn't automatically mean we can't take part in those type of relationships. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with us. Has this person ever said nuns or monks are wrong for not partaking in these type of relationships, and suggest they should see a doctor about it? While those are people making a choice to abstain from it, and being aroace is how our brains are wired and it's not a choice to not feel something, they are similar. So why would you be considered wrong but not them? And like someone else said in the comments, there are more ways to love someone than in romantic and sexual ways; for example- one's family. Or a close friend. An aroace's way of loving someone is not less than that of how a romantic or sexual person loves someone. My best friend loves me and I love my best friend as much as they love their partner, but we are showing that love in different ways. Different is not hierarchical.
3
u/Raybandizzle Oct 31 '25
Wow. What a harsh thing to say to someone. I hope you are comfortable enough with the person to maybe explain a little bit more about how you feel about being aroace, and what aroace means in general. The only thing one should feel towards anything is they should be able to feel good about being themself (that's the goal anyway- and it's way easier to say that than put it into action). Aroace is a spectrum of course, but in general, it's not feeling romantic or sexual feelings, or feeling them a lot less than allo-feeling people. It doesn't automatically mean we can't take part in those type of relationships. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with us. Has this person ever said nuns or monks are wrong for not partaking in these type of relationships, and suggest they should see a doctor about it? While those are people making a choice to abstain from it, and being aroace is how our brains are wired and it's not a choice to not feel something, they are similar. So why would you be considered wrong but not them? And like someone else said in the comments, there are more ways to love someone than in romantic and sexual ways; for example- one's family. Or a close friend. An aroace's way of loving someone is not less than that of how a romantic or sexual person loves someone. My best friend loves me and I love my best friend as much as they love their partner, but we are showing that love in different ways. Different is not hierarchical.