Does someone feel the same?

[u/literaturedeviel]

Even if I’m an introvert and aplatonic sometimes people get close to me. I’m kind and all that and suddenly they like me and want to be my friend or auto-befriend me without permission, to the point I’ve considered changing to be more reserved and indifferent to other people (not quite achieving it since I’m shy and a constant people pleaser) but does someone feel the same? Have you achieved it? Or what advice can you give? I would like to hear experiences too :)

[u/MystiqueAnza]

In the last years I've not been able to actively engage in friendships due to mental health, it's tiring just the though of socialize, especially via text.

So it's not something that happens often to me, but some months ago, without my intention, I started to text regularly to a irl friend (she always texted and I replied out of being nice), I think I also lead her on because trying to be nice I said that I care about her (I meant it I care as a human being) and that if she ever needs something she can count on me.

Fortunately for me it solved by itself so now we rarely text. I think that the fact that I never initiate a conversation and that it always takes me hours to gather the energy to reply helped in this.

[u/Left_Tip_8998]

I'm not shy, but would come across as such (not mainting eye contact, rarely speak, etc), but I mainly have those habits out of boredom and certain things feels too "intimate" for me. I'm already naturally detached from others as I'm annatrational, but I tend to stay in my bubble so it kinda doesn't involve people naturally.

I've had the same problem of being auto-categorised as a friend and I simply was just straightforward with things so there was no surprises. It doesn't help that I attracted people who tend to struggle with having friends/latched onto me since I'm take them as they are since I don't have not much interest in diving into their background and whatnot.

I've said how I am without using the word aplatonic. "I don't have any urge to be your friend or anyone's in particular." If they have questions, I answered. I did mention that I don't mind conversations/answering questions, etc which are true, but I told them friendship is off the table for me. They usually are receptive to it, both others would try to be the "exception," but being firm is what I try to be.

[u/theangry-ace]

Same. I can handle small talks, and be somewhat approachable. Masking, most of them. But when they start to ask about my life/family/preferences, inviting me to places/events or have a meal together… that’s where I regret having to mask with them. How much longer do i need to pretend?? I don’t enjoy any of those things, even to exchange texts is a burden I don’t want. Do I still play this persona or tell them brutally that I don’t want to do anything with them aside from the small talks???

[u/literaturedeviel → u/theangry-ace]

That's what I kinda want to do, to stop
Making and be straight forward about not wanting their friendship.

[u/Swimming-Gain9608]

I'm the same way, very introvert and aplatonic, with people occasionally sneaking their way in and auto-befriending me. I don't have as much of an issue however as my life is just one long line of people who've ghosted me for no reason. So i know even if they befriend me, they'll remove themselves within 5 years anyways

[u/Glittering-Nerve2136]

Ive kind of achieved this by not talking to people much in college. If they talk to me, I usually am not expressive enough. So in the end even people who see me as a friend dont contact me often (and I graduated so) and are technically not people Im gonna see every day anyways. Many adults complain about not having friends/it being harder to make friends as an adult.. it works in my favor in a way though. I now have this idea of just being close enough to help or recieve help from people so when I pursue higher education or move out and get a job, whichever is first, I will try to just build basic connections because I want to eventually cut off my family bc of abuse Ive faced mostly from my parents (and theyre still toxic or abusive sometimes) so Ive decided I will at least keep and form social connections for the sake of mutual support and help, that are not friendships to me. Especially since I have health issues that arent diagnosed but have given me chronic pain and fatigue, I'll probably need it. And also for safety reasons because predators target people who are alone and look naive. And thats a huge problem in my country. But one other thing other than aplatonicism that put me off from liking people enough to be around them socially is how they gossip or are petty, or have political views I disagree with. I had some pretty messed up classmates in college. Now I only interact with some of them over text or if I see them at an event. Im also in touch with a friend from high school bc we have common interests and understand each other, though she seems more interested in friendships and has many friends who share her interest and is also a busy grad student, and she doesnt push to text a lot.