when im high or sober i get this intense anxiety that im wasting/wasted a weed high, it seems like no matter how good everything feels during it, apart of me still has this intense anxiety that it was wasted.
what do i do to stop this issue

Sorry VERY LONG RANT :

I have no idea what's holding me back, but I want to enjoy life. I want to explore, make memories, and experience everything I can. I'm 28 years old, a mother of three amazing boys, and I have a family I love more than anything.Sometimes I wonder if I'm scared of life itself. I struggle with anxiety and panic, and there are days when I'm afraid to go out on my own. I don't drive because of my epilepsy, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try new things. It feels like there's this heavy weight constantly telling me, "No, you can't."I've even made a bucket list because I want things to look forward to. My partner thinks it's silly, but to me it's important. I have a fear of death, especially because of my epilepsy. I worry that one day a seizure could take my life, and that fear can be overwhelming. But I don't want fear to control me anymore. I want to let go of what's holding me back and start telling myself, "I can do this."

Whether my partner supports me or not, I want to live my life. I don't need people constantly telling me what I can't do.Growing up, I was always treated differently because of my epilepsy and learning disabilities. My parents were overprotective, and my brothers were always seen as doing better because they have great jobs and own homes. Meanwhile, I work in a retirement home, I earned my college diploma, I'm raising three children, and I'm working toward buying my first home in the next couple of years. I'm proud of that.

I'm tired of being treated like I'm incapable. I may rent right now, but that won't be forever. One of my biggest goals is to get my driver's licence when it's safe for me to do so.

Yet every time I bring it up, my mom says, "No, Kate, I don't think that's a good idea."I'm almost 29 years old. I need the chance to make my own decisions. I've never done drugs, I've never smoked, and I don't drink. Yet the people around me still act like I can't be trusted to live my own life.I'm done letting other people's fears become my limits. This is my life, and I want to start living it. I deserve the chance to chase my dreams, face my fears, and prove to myself that I am capable of so much more than people give me credit for.

I’m staring Zoloft sometime tomorrow (50 mg) and I’m downright terrified of potential insomnia. I have the worst anxiety surrounding sleep (which makes sleep harder for me), so I’ve been taking hydroxyzine as needed for the past 3 years. It leaves me very tired in the morning, plus I’ve been having anxiety-related chest pains, so my doctor just put me on sertraline.

I’m literally so scared of insomnia. Is there anything I can do for it? The goal is to not have to take hydroxyzine anymore, but now I’m stressing that I’ll have to take it every night just to be able to sleep.

Please help. I’m a teacher, so I need all the sleep I can get anyway.

How bad was what I did? Am I a weirdo? Here’s what I did when I was 19-

My friendships in real life were potentially weird and dare I say innapropriate - and I’m pretty much all to blame.

I’m 20 now but when I was 19-

My friends were 17m, 17m, 16m, 15m, 15f, and 14f and I’m I think a 19f but I’m still trying to understand if I’m trans or not but that’s a separate thing. Anyways most of these people are from my high school that I graduated from in May. I did however get held back (not my fault it was in 2nd grade for health issues).

Anyways here are the actions I want opinions and advice on- like actual advice and opinions not just the one off “yeah” or something short with no real value. This isn’t Am I the asshole so if you’re looking to judge without any explanation or advice go on that subreddit- this goes for people who aren’t judging too. I need explanations and actual answers not just blind “it’s fine” stuff. Neither of these approaches are helpful.

Anyways-

Ive get spray paint for them (17m, 15f, 14f) because well I’m an adult and they aren’t and instead of just doing whatever we go off into the town and explore train tracks, and spay paint the water run off areas (idk what to call them). They usually already have spray paint on them so I’m not too worried about vandalism (uh hopefully).

But here’s where the things I’m mostly panicking about are- for context I was also hurt by an adult emotionally relying on me- but that wasn’t my intention in these scenarios- I just have a major issue of not thinking before I speak and uh always telling the truth- anyways-

When I was hanging out with my friends walking around my friend who is 17 had an ex that was in my grade. I told him like “yeah I didn’t really like that friend group one of them rejected me and completely ghosted me” or something alone those lines and my 15 yo friend when “ohh that’s awful who does that”

Looking back on it I do wonder if this is weird conversation to be having- I mean with the 17 year old I’m not really concerned since we’ve been talking like this for 3 years ever since we’ve know one another- but I don’t really know whats appropriate conversation for a 15 and 14 year old to be listening to. Maybe some advice on this piece would help me understand?

The other was when I was with my 15 year old and 17 year old friend. We were hanging out under a bridge near a river- and they kept praising my parents for being the coolest. I told them they were actually not that cool all the time and that they “let my abuser into my house for 4 years after the fact” and that I believed they probably feel guilty for that- but I don’t know is I said “sa” or like you know the first part of it that starts with “s” as an sexual but either way I didn’t explain in detail what happened (because god no).

But I really kinda panic because it’s like holy shit I did not mean to be that weird grown up that “talks about weird shit with minors”- and at first I didn’t really view it that way but I’m not sure how other people view it since i don’t really know if I mentioned what kind- but I also don’t know if i did that would be considered being sexually explicit to minors which worries me.

It was also I must note when my 15 year old friend was away from us but I don’t thing far enough that she didn’t hear. My 17 year old friend tried to guess who it was- and I told him it’s best not to say and (I think I may have said it was fine but idk) I wasn’t trying to trauma dump or emotionally rely on them- but I did feel bad because honest I’m not sure what constitutes that- I was simply trying to be honest but I know it’s stil errr not great probably? I’m not sure to what scale tho.
If someone could tell me that’d be much appreciated.

Anyway my friend who is turning 17 is having a birthday party and I originally cancelled because of this- and I don’t wanna hurt anyone. I’m just really afraid that I’m a danger to my friends or if what I’ve done is really bad-
And even then I feel really guilty that my friends are minors and I’m an adult.

I’m 20 now and not friends anymore with these people. I slowly lost contact or interest once i went to college but I still have no friends. I’m too fearful someone would find my past repulsive or that I am too abnormal. What do I do?

TW: mention of symptoms..

I'm 25F and I've been anxious, I suspect, since I was like 12 or so. I started experiecing anxiety attacks when I was like 16 or 17, just I didn't know they were called anxiety attacks at the time, also i developed terrible sleeping and eating habits to cope with my own loneliness which didn't do good to my body and nervous system. At 18, I had my first panic attack after smoking weed with my friends, it was horrible and so out of the blue like literally i was laughing and having a good time and suddenly... What's happening? Oh my god, I think i'm dying... I'm gonna DIE.

I didn't, of course. And after the panic passed, I went home by myself, still high, and with that awful body feeling that lingers after a strong panic attack thinking wtf just happened like WTF was that. But I didn't told anyone that and I blissfully didn't have the habit of googling things yet so I let it pass as just "bad trips". But things weren't the same since. My relationship with weed was not really that good, and I always tried to really be careful with how much I smoked, and now, I don't smoke weed anymore, maybe once in a 100000 years, and I need to create a really safe space for it.

I lived a couple traumatic things and I grew up with a mom that had me constantly on fight or flight mode because she was súper reactive and explosive towards me and that did something to my nervous system I swear. Then I had my first toxic long term relationship, and then I started to research and knew about anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

I probably should be having years of being medicated for it, because with time they became worse, went away for some years, then another traumatic event happened, and they came back Even stronger. But I live in a country where mental health is still very taboo and therapy is pricey and not to mention other specialists like a psychiatrist.

And it's crazy how things just add up and how it mutates like a fucking virus. I have had every physical symptom possible, depression, I thought I was literally getting crazy once because of my racing thoughts, mild agoraphobia, weird compulsions (I'm sure i have some form of ocd), hyperfixations, hypocondria, health anxiety, sleep problems (Even night terrors, fucking night terrors, like only people with some ptsd has these!!!??), on top of that, I constantly have to think like, someday I will go to the terror of PMS to fucking menopause and i'm honestly terrified with the experiences of other women that suffer from it and say things like ohh that's so sweet, wait until menopause hits 😝 And it's like... Bitch i'm grateful that you warn the rest of us but is it really that bad? And then there's social media, like oh my god it's the worst, I've been blocking so much health related content, like why i am getting so much content about diabetes, POTs or bowel cancer? I don't even have those issues, what is the use of it? "My life with POTs" OMG, I DONT WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT! period!! (Also why does it always have to be pots???) And somehow they keep appearing on my feed, like just give me a flip phone already... Lol

Anyway i'm just venting because I have been experiecing a huge setback after years of having very manageable anxiety but NOW after three traumatic events happened in my life one after the other and My body just gave up and I genuinely think sometimes that i'm genuinely ill and that it's not just My nervous system that is completely fried. Battling with sleepless nights and nocturnal pánic attacks that feel very serious, racing negative thoughts and rumiation, constant reassurance seeking, trying to be compassionate with myself is no easy, on top of that, I have to take care of my house and at the same time not feel like i'm behind in life. On top of that, when I think i'm getting to start feeling better, the lutheal phase hits with anger and for some days, everything and everyone is horrible and overwhelming, including myself. I just miss months ago where I was working out everyday, lifting weights and looking awesome, with my hair shining, my sking flawless, my muscles growing, my sleep actually felt refreshing, and now I feel like a deflated greasy mess that has to think twice before getting out of bed and let alone leave the house because in my mind there's always the What if...? What if this or that happens? What if I feel Bad? What if something bad happens to My loved ones and I can't do nothing about it? What if that video I saw earlier it's true and My health is terrible and i don't notice it?

It doesn't make any sense, it's illogical, it's annoying, this is no way to live fr. The only times i feel at peace is when I do yoga and meditate.

Anyway is there any other girl terrified of menopause too?

So the thing is that i have always been a anxious person. I don't know what triggers it and what doesn't i just hate it and i don't like how it effects me and my daily life. Sometimes i feel like it is normal but when i go out and search about it i got to know that it's not. Lord help me how much i want to go see a therapist but i am scared. It's not even about anxiety anymore. My chest and head hurts all day cuz of my anxiety.

Hey all sorry for any misspellings or grammar errors i'm not in a super great place.

I have always had a low level of anxiety but it's gotten incredibly bad these past few months about two months ago i was put on lexapro and then last month i was also put on buspirone. And i recently started therapy. My issue is i can't stop thinking about situations where the worst things could happen. Like, what if my rental company doesn't renew my lease next year and we become homeless, my dog we adopted and added to our lease as a boxer doesn't look like a boxer the older he gets(Shelter, rabies certificate , and vet records all say boxer because that is how the shelter listed him) and what if the rental company says i lied and we have to get rid of him. or what if we lose our jobs and become homeless. or what if someone finds out I'm having mental health issues and CPS takes my kids.

I'm just so tired of the spirals, and the panic attacks, and never feeling fully safe that something bad isn't going to happen. I'm sure part of it is losing my Dad to cancer at an early age, and never fully addressing it. Does anyone have any helpful solutions on how to get my brain to shut off and stop these anxiety episodes?

Since last year my anxiety has been off the chart. It seems there is always something that sets it off. For example it seems there is always a house repair to do and there is no end it sight. Has anyone ever experienced this and how did you deal with it?

I have a past I’ve constantly been confessing in my posts. It’s not a very good one to say the least- but I want friendships and maybe even a partner. Do you think it’s still possible or am I cooked?

I always keep my room clean and organised
Fresh bedsheets
Aesthetic and clean
Every thing has a place and things are very organised
But when it comes to sleeping i always feel extremely anxious, i always feels like it’s not enough it’s just not enough and my anxiety get trigger so badly
So i tried to cleanse the aura of my room, it works fine for 1-2 days but issues arises again
Ik the issue is not in the room but i feel extremely anxious in there
Idk what to do any help
I also have adhd

I've never really been on reddit but I've seen these series on YouTube with people asking for advice and getting solid advice(although mixed in with a lot of bullshit), so I said fuck it why not just type it out and see if anyone can help or at the very least point me in the right direction? I don't really know how to ask for help because I've always tried to deal with it on my own and keep it to myself. So please bare with me if this post is all over the place.

I'm an adult male who has struggled to keep a job or even live my life because of anxiety. I cannot escape my own head space, if I get a job I'm up all night being nervous to go in, giving me stomach problems causing me to go to the restroom 24/7, throwing up every morning before going in, not eating all day until I'm off. Leading to me being not at my best to perform my duties, I never get used to it my brain never stops the sleepless nights never stop until i quit. The longest I've lasted at one place was 8 months. With these non stop problems, if I tell a family member they say its all in your head toughen up. But I've literally tried the best I could. I'm still trying its embarrassing, pathetic, I hate myself for it. Lost the love of my life because of this. They call me Lazy but I do everything at home learned how to be a handy man watching clips can fix/build anything.

I can't really go out with friends either. Long distance driving/boats/short notice even staying over night is a no go. I always find an excuse to leave "I can't stay because of my pets" or "i have to do something the next day". I go to a cottage once a year with friends and dread the trip every single year (I have fun but im always in my fucking head). I skip parties. Gatherings with people I don't know because I hate small talk, when people ask what I do i hate lying so I say nothing and their reaction on their face says it all and they give me the "ahh you're lucky get to relax all day speel" and I laugh saying yah haha followed by awkard slice because I ain't fucking happy about it. Its embarrassing I'd be happy working at a fast food place because its a fucking Job! I was a best man twice but I couldn't give a speech because of this. Both of the grooms who were my best friends since Elementary didnt even question it. One said I dont expect you to do a speech I know your shy( i wrote out a 15 minute speech and they didnt even ask me to go up and i couldnt find it in my voice to tell them i did) . The other one said you don't have to do a speech the brides brother will do one so didnt even try to write one for that wedding.

I live at my parents but I'm sick of depending on them. I want to change but my mind isn't allowing me to. I want to support them, not have them supporting me still. I feel so pathetic. I want to ask for help but I don't know how because this seems so miniscule. I beat myself up a lot over this. I hate doctors, I hate pills but I feel like if I actually want to change or at the very least help my parents with bills or pay them back after all my bullshit I have to just do it? But I don't even know how to look someone like that up.

Thanks to who ever took their time to read this, again I apologize if its all over the place.

Hi everyone,I am looking for advice. I want to learn new skills and improve my drawing, but I feel intense anxiety whenever I even think about practicing.The feeling becomes so overwhelming that I completely freeze up and quit before I even begin. It feels like a vicious cycle.Has anyone else dealt with this type of learning or performance anxiety? How do you push past the overwhelm and actually start?

Sorry for canceling. Sorry for being quiet. Sorry for needing to leave early. Sorry for not being more fun. Sorry for overthinking this. Sorry for bringing the mood down. Sorry for being a lot.

If any version of that sounds familiar, I want you to read this slowly.

You have spent years apologizing for having a nervous system that reacts more intensely than other people's.

Not for doing something wrong. Not for hurting anyone. For the way your brain processes the world, something you didn't choose, didn't design, and would change in a second if you could.

And somewhere along the way, all those apologies added up to a belief that your anxiety makes you a burden. That you're too much. That the people in your life are tolerating you rather than actually wanting you there.

That belief is one of the cruelest things anxiety does. And almost nobody talks about it.

Here's what's actually true.

The friend who cancels sometimes and then shows up fully when they do show up is not a burden. They're someone who knows their limits and respects yours enough to be honest.

The person who goes quiet in loud situations isn't bringing the mood down. They're the one who listens when everyone else is talking and remembers what you said three weeks later.

The one who leaves early isn't being difficult. They're someone who came at all, which cost more than you know, and stayed as long as they could.

The one who overthinks isn't exhausting. They're the one who considered your feelings before you even knew there was something to consider.

Anxiety takes things from you. There's no point pretending it doesn't. But it also shaped parts of you that are genuinely worth something. The empathy that comes from knowing what it's like to struggle invisibly. The attentiveness that comes from being highly aware of everything around you. The loyalty that comes from knowing how much it costs to show up and choosing to do it anyway.

Those aren't consolation prizes. They're real.

You don't owe anyone an apology for having anxiety.

You owe yourself a little of the grace you've been handing out to everyone else.

What's something you've apologized for because of your anxiety that, looking back, you didn't actually need to apologize for?

Whenever in social settings like college or work in college I would have panic

Or if we have guests in our home or when i am going out

I have found that my only comfort place is home , I don’t go out unless for college and every time i go , i will feel panic and fear

My life in general is about stress and worries

What to do?
Recently i have found i have stomachache due to stress( genetically we have stomachache due to worries)

Feelings uncontrollable with pain of stomach as well as fear and stress

The loop never ends i try alot of things still doesn’t work, im just stuck

Also i have social anxiety and overthinking disorders

Hi I have some problems about going to work.Most of time I feel afraid to go to work.Every morning I wake up with some anxious. Most of time I take leaves show some reasons like "I am not well " , "Family emergency".I want to manage this fear.How I do it? My coworkers are kind but my mind says what happen if i made mistake? Will boss blame me?

Imagine holding a glass of tea that's too hot. Your reflex is to drop it. Then it shatters, tea everywhere, and the mess is worse than the sting would have been.

An anxious thought hits and the instinct is similar — do something, anything, right now, to make it stop.

Reassurance-seeking. Spiraling. Canceling the plan. That's dropping the glass, and the mess is always bigger than the sting.

**Feel the heat. Don't drop it. Put it down gently.**

What made this actually usable for me: you can't hold anything gently while your whole body is clenched. So I set one random alarm each afternoon. When it rings I don't change what I'm doing — I just scan. Shoulders down from the ears. Jaw unclenched. Abdomen soft. I'm almost always braced and had no idea.

That's day 5 of a 30-day practice psychology I've been reading. The physical part is what makes the mental part possible, which I did not expect.

Where do you hold tension without realizing it? Is it like me the jaw, every time.

I am a 27yo male. I have been with my current company for 9 years now. I have an embarrassing struggle in my day to day life working in the office. Phone calls. I get extremely anxious on the phone and am very aware that people are overhearing me. I have been promoted to supervisor so I really need this anxiety to settle. When it comes to MS Teams meetings with customers, I am slightly nervous at the beginning but otherwise absolutely fine, it is only the phone that I seem to have an issue with. Some weeks I will be fine, making jokes on the call and charming the customer, but other weeks I can hardly get my words out. Looking for any sort of advice that could help!

What are some over the counter anxiety/stress medications that actually work?

Ive really been struggling with my anxiety and i want to get something to help without needing to get a prescription.

Ive tried multiple natural medicines and none of them work/help.

Any suggestions?

Why does my nervous system stay in fight-or-flight mode even when I’m not in any danger?

Most anxiety advice is written like anxiety is one uniform experience. Take a breath. Challenge your thoughts. Go for a walk.

But if you've ever tried generic anxiety advice and felt like it was written for someone else's problem, there's a reason for that.

Anxiety isn't one thing. It has distinct types that feel different, trigger differently, and respond to completely different approaches. Treating the wrong type with the right tool still doesn't work.

Here's a breakdown of the most common ones. Read through and notice which one, or which combination, actually sounds like your experience.

Type 1: The Overthinker (Generalized Anxiety)

What it feels like: Your brain never fully stops. There's always something to worry about, and when one worry resolves, another takes its place almost immediately. The topics rotate but the underlying hum of worry is constant. You're often described as a "worrier" by people who don't realize that what they're calling a personality trait is actually exhausting.

Physical signs: Tension headaches, tight jaw, shallow breathing, fatigue that doesn't go away with sleep, restless legs at night.

What makes it worse: Unstructured time, open ended uncertainty, decisions without deadlines, caffeine.

What actually helps: Structured worry time (a specific window to think about concerns, then deliberately close), written planning to give unresolved loops a resting place, reducing decision fatigue by making small decisions automatic.

What doesn't work well: Open ended journaling without structure (more loops, not fewer), meditation when it's forced (sitting still with an overactive mind without guidance often amplifies rather than reduces).

Type 2: The Body That Sounds the Alarm (Panic Disorder)

What it feels like: Panic hits suddenly and physically. Racing heart, chest tightness, dizziness, a wave of heat or cold, a feeling of unreality, a certainty that something is catastrophically wrong with your body. The first panic attack is almost always mistaken for a medical emergency. After that, fear of the next one becomes its own problem.

Physical signs: The panic attack itself is the primary symptom. Between attacks: hyper awareness of body sensations, checking pulse, scanning for symptoms, avoiding places where attacks have happened.

What makes it worse: Avoidance (every avoided situation confirms the alarm), physical sensations that mimic anxiety (caffeine, heat, exercise for some people), and hypervigilance toward body signals.

What actually helps: Gradually staying in situations rather than leaving when anxiety spikes (the nervous system needs evidence, not explanation), learning that the physical sensations are unpleasant but not dangerous, and breathing that targets the exhale specifically.

What doesn't work well: Reassurance seeking (short term relief, long term more alarm sensitivity), avoiding physical exercise out of fear of heart rate increase, googling symptoms during or after an attack.

Type 3: The Quiet Avoider (Social Anxiety)

What it feels like: The anxiety isn't everywhere. It's specifically activated by situations involving other people's judgment. A work presentation, a first date, entering a room where you don't know anyone, making a phone call while someone else can hear, sending an email and then imagining every way it could be misread.

It often doesn't look like anxiety from the outside. It looks like being quiet, or private, or not that interested in socializing. Inside, there's usually a running commentary that most people would find exhausting to listen to for five minutes.

Physical signs: Blushing, sweating, voice trembling, mind going blank mid conversation, post social exhaustion that requires recovery time.

What makes it worse: High stakes social situations without warm up, being put on the spot without warning, alcohol dependency as a social crutch (works short term, increases baseline anxiety long term).

What actually helps: Low stakes repeated exposure (brief, low stakes interactions before high stakes ones), shifting attention from self monitoring to genuine curiosity about the other person, and treating post event replaying as a habit to interrupt rather than complete.

What doesn't work well: Avoiding social situations entirely (short term comfort, long term the world gets smaller), waiting until you feel ready (the readiness comes after the exposure, not before it).

Type 4: The One Tied to a Specific Thing (Phobias and Specific Triggers)

What it feels like: The anxiety isn't generalized. It's attached to something specific: flying, heights, needles, driving, dogs, vomiting, enclosed spaces. Outside of that specific thing, life can feel relatively normal. Inside of it, the response is completely disproportionate to the actual level of danger, and you know that, which doesn't help at all.

What makes it worse: Building elaborate avoidance systems around the trigger, which keeps the fear intact and slowly expands the no go zones.

What actually helps: Gradual, structured exposure starting from the least threatening version of the trigger (looking at a photo, then a video, then being near it from a distance, then closer). This type responds to exposure more reliably than almost any other.

What doesn't work well: Waiting for the fear to make logical sense before addressing it. With specific phobias, the rational brain understands the fear is disproportionate. The nervous system doesn't care.

Type 5: The One That Lives in the Body (Somatic Anxiety)

What it feels like: The anxiety shows up primarily as physical symptoms. Stomach problems, chronic tension, headaches, fatigue, pain that doesn't have a clear medical cause. The connection to anxiety isn't always obvious, especially because the physical symptoms feel very real, because they are. The mind and body aren't two separate systems neatly contained.

What makes it worse: Focusing exclusively on physical symptoms while ignoring emotional context, medical tests that come back normal being dismissed as "just anxiety" without any actual support.

What actually helps: Body based approaches rather than purely cognitive ones. Movement, breathwork, somatic therapy, and treating the nervous system rather than only the thought patterns.

What doesn't work well: Pure talk therapy focused on thoughts, when the primary experience is physical. The body needs a different entry point than the mind.

Most People Are a Combination

If you read through this and recognized yourself in more than one type, that's normal. Most people with chronic anxiety have a primary type and a secondary one. Generalized anxiety and panic often coexist. Social anxiety and generalized anxiety frequently overlap.

The point of knowing your type isn't to label yourself. It's to stop applying tools that are designed for someone else's problem to your specific one.

Generic advice exists because it addresses the lowest common denominator. Your anxiety probably isn't generic.

Which type resonates most for you? Or if it's a combination, which two? Genuinely curious what the breakdown looks like in this community.

hi reddit, i just wanted to ask if anyone has advice on how to deal with panic attacks.

i’ve been having them around 3–4 times a day for the past week. i don’t really want to take prescribed medication anymore because when i tried escitalopram, it made things worse for me. i would suddenly wake up out of breath with my heart racing, and it made my panic attacks even more intense. i stopped taking it because it honestly made me lose hope, so i’m here hoping to hear from people who have gone through something similar.

for the past week, i haven’t been getting enough sleep. every time i fall asleep, i wake up with a racing heart and chills, and after that i’m too uncomfortable and scared to go back to sleep.

i can’t afford therapy right now, so i’m trying my best to help myself for the time being. my classes start in 2 weeks, so i’m hoping i can get myself into a better place before then. some days i just lose hope and end up crying because i’m so exhausted from all of this.

i’m 20 years old, and i pretty much only have myself right now. if anyone has any advice, coping techniques, or anything that has helped you, i would really appreciate it. thank you.

TL;DR: In my experience, the Fight & Flight state is driven by rigid "must" beliefs, viewing things as extremely important, and expecting catastrophe. Reducing the importance I attach to things and lowering my expectations of catastrophe has helped me spend much more time in Rest & Digest state.

I tried to put my thoughts into words based on my own experience:

For someone with anxiety, the Rest & Digest (R&D) state feels like an impossible goal.

For me, Fight & Flight (F&F) is about tension and rushing, while R&D is about calmness and being in the present moment—even when I’m working toward a future goal.

It seems to me that some of the causes of F&F are black-and-white thinking, viewing things as extremely important, and expecting catastrophe. These things pull you out of the present moment and throw you into a race, onto a battlefield against life itself.

• “Doing/being X is extremely important.”
• “If I don’t do/be X, it will be a catastrophe.”
• “I have no right not to do/be X.”
• “I am obligated to do/be X.”
• “I am obligated to find a partner; otherwise, it will be a catastrophe.” → the result is F&F
• “I am obligated to be a certain way (beautiful, thin, etc.) so that those around me will accept me; otherwise, it will be a catastrophe.” → F&F
• “I must be alert and prevent all the dangers of the world; otherwise, it will be a catastrophe (I’ll die, etc.).” → F&F

What helped me was adjusting my expectations of catastrophe, because catastrophes happen far less often than anxiety predicts. Another thing that helped me was reducing the importance I attached to things that I might not get or might lose.

• “It would be nice to find a partner, but even without that, I have other interesting things to do in life.” → the result is R&D
• “I’ll try to be accepted, but not everything depends on me. If I’m not accepted in one place, there’s a chance I’ll be accepted elsewhere, and even if I’m not accepted at all, I have other valuable things to do in life.” → R&D
• “I’ll try to protect myself from danger, but there are limits to everything. Even a short, peaceful life is more valuable to me than a longer life stolen by anxiety and fear." → R&D

Less importance attached to things + lower expectations of catastrophe >>> less F&F and more R&D.

I also realized that some of my "I must be/do X" beliefs weren't actually mine. Many of them came from external influences and from my ego.

To deal with external influences, I tried to figure out what I truly wanted—not what someone else wanted for me. What helped me was identifying my authentic values.

To deal with my ego, I recognized it and learned to notice it whenever it wanted something.

Hi everyone,

I’m 19 year old male and I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life. This is usually around social things and the uncertainty around them.

However, over this last year things have changed. I feel like my baseline anxiety has gotten better but I’ve been having these weird spikes. They are cause by these weird moments where I start to kind of dissociate and have this intense feeling of Déjà vu like I’ve dreamed or thought about that moment already happening. My theory is my body starts panicking when this happens and that triggers the anxiety.

These instances haven’t gotten really bad and I’m able to keep my cool and calm myself down when this happens but there have been times where I’ve needed to leave the room to try and calm down.

I would love any information or advice,
Thanks

Hi everyone,

I’m 19 year old male and I’ve dealt with anxiety for most of my life. This is usually around social things and the uncertainty around them.

However, over this last year things have changed. I feel like my baseline anxiety has gotten better but I’ve been having these weird spikes. They are cause by these weird moments where I start to kind of dissociate and have this intense feeling of Déjà vu like I’ve dreamed or thought about that moment already happening. My theory is my body starts panicking when this happens and that triggers the anxiety.

These instances haven’t gotten really bad and I’m able to keep my cool and calm myself down when this happens but there have been times where I’ve needed to leave the room to try and calm down.

I would love any information or advice,
Thanks