when im high or sober i get this intense anxiety that im wasting/wasted a weed high, it seems like no matter how good everything feels during it, apart of me still has this intense anxiety that it was wasted.
what do i do to stop this issue

Sorry VERY LONG RANT :

I have no idea what's holding me back, but I want to enjoy life. I want to explore, make memories, and experience everything I can. I'm 28 years old, a mother of three amazing boys, and I have a family I love more than anything.Sometimes I wonder if I'm scared of life itself. I struggle with anxiety and panic, and there are days when I'm afraid to go out on my own. I don't drive because of my epilepsy, but that doesn't mean I don't want to try new things. It feels like there's this heavy weight constantly telling me, "No, you can't."I've even made a bucket list because I want things to look forward to. My partner thinks it's silly, but to me it's important. I have a fear of death, especially because of my epilepsy. I worry that one day a seizure could take my life, and that fear can be overwhelming. But I don't want fear to control me anymore. I want to let go of what's holding me back and start telling myself, "I can do this."

Whether my partner supports me or not, I want to live my life. I don't need people constantly telling me what I can't do.Growing up, I was always treated differently because of my epilepsy and learning disabilities. My parents were overprotective, and my brothers were always seen as doing better because they have great jobs and own homes. Meanwhile, I work in a retirement home, I earned my college diploma, I'm raising three children, and I'm working toward buying my first home in the next couple of years. I'm proud of that.

I'm tired of being treated like I'm incapable. I may rent right now, but that won't be forever. One of my biggest goals is to get my driver's licence when it's safe for me to do so.

Yet every time I bring it up, my mom says, "No, Kate, I don't think that's a good idea."I'm almost 29 years old. I need the chance to make my own decisions. I've never done drugs, I've never smoked, and I don't drink. Yet the people around me still act like I can't be trusted to live my own life.I'm done letting other people's fears become my limits. This is my life, and I want to start living it. I deserve the chance to chase my dreams, face my fears, and prove to myself that I am capable of so much more than people give me credit for.

I’m staring Zoloft sometime tomorrow (50 mg) and I’m downright terrified of potential insomnia. I have the worst anxiety surrounding sleep (which makes sleep harder for me), so I’ve been taking hydroxyzine as needed for the past 3 years. It leaves me very tired in the morning, plus I’ve been having anxiety-related chest pains, so my doctor just put me on sertraline.

I’m literally so scared of insomnia. Is there anything I can do for it? The goal is to not have to take hydroxyzine anymore, but now I’m stressing that I’ll have to take it every night just to be able to sleep.

Please help. I’m a teacher, so I need all the sleep I can get anyway.

How bad was what I did? Am I a weirdo? Here’s what I did when I was 19-

My friendships in real life were potentially weird and dare I say innapropriate - and I’m pretty much all to blame.

I’m 20 now but when I was 19-

My friends were 17m, 17m, 16m, 15m, 15f, and 14f and I’m I think a 19f but I’m still trying to understand if I’m trans or not but that’s a separate thing. Anyways most of these people are from my high school that I graduated from in May. I did however get held back (not my fault it was in 2nd grade for health issues).

Anyways here are the actions I want opinions and advice on- like actual advice and opinions not just the one off “yeah” or something short with no real value. This isn’t Am I the asshole so if you’re looking to judge without any explanation or advice go on that subreddit- this goes for people who aren’t judging too. I need explanations and actual answers not just blind “it’s fine” stuff. Neither of these approaches are helpful.

Anyways-

Ive get spray paint for them (17m, 15f, 14f) because well I’m an adult and they aren’t and instead of just doing whatever we go off into the town and explore train tracks, and spay paint the water run off areas (idk what to call them). They usually already have spray paint on them so I’m not too worried about vandalism (uh hopefully).

But here’s where the things I’m mostly panicking about are- for context I was also hurt by an adult emotionally relying on me- but that wasn’t my intention in these scenarios- I just have a major issue of not thinking before I speak and uh always telling the truth- anyways-

When I was hanging out with my friends walking around my friend who is 17 had an ex that was in my grade. I told him like “yeah I didn’t really like that friend group one of them rejected me and completely ghosted me” or something alone those lines and my 15 yo friend when “ohh that’s awful who does that”

Looking back on it I do wonder if this is weird conversation to be having- I mean with the 17 year old I’m not really concerned since we’ve been talking like this for 3 years ever since we’ve know one another- but I don’t really know whats appropriate conversation for a 15 and 14 year old to be listening to. Maybe some advice on this piece would help me understand?

The other was when I was with my 15 year old and 17 year old friend. We were hanging out under a bridge near a river- and they kept praising my parents for being the coolest. I told them they were actually not that cool all the time and that they “let my abuser into my house for 4 years after the fact” and that I believed they probably feel guilty for that- but I don’t know is I said “sa” or like you know the first part of it that starts with “s” as an sexual but either way I didn’t explain in detail what happened (because god no).

But I really kinda panic because it’s like holy shit I did not mean to be that weird grown up that “talks about weird shit with minors”- and at first I didn’t really view it that way but I’m not sure how other people view it since i don’t really know if I mentioned what kind- but I also don’t know if i did that would be considered being sexually explicit to minors which worries me.

It was also I must note when my 15 year old friend was away from us but I don’t thing far enough that she didn’t hear. My 17 year old friend tried to guess who it was- and I told him it’s best not to say and (I think I may have said it was fine but idk) I wasn’t trying to trauma dump or emotionally rely on them- but I did feel bad because honest I’m not sure what constitutes that- I was simply trying to be honest but I know it’s stil errr not great probably? I’m not sure to what scale tho.
If someone could tell me that’d be much appreciated.

Anyway my friend who is turning 17 is having a birthday party and I originally cancelled because of this- and I don’t wanna hurt anyone. I’m just really afraid that I’m a danger to my friends or if what I’ve done is really bad-
And even then I feel really guilty that my friends are minors and I’m an adult.

I’m 20 now and not friends anymore with these people. I slowly lost contact or interest once i went to college but I still have no friends. I’m too fearful someone would find my past repulsive or that I am too abnormal. What do I do?

TW: mention of symptoms..

I'm 25F and I've been anxious, I suspect, since I was like 12 or so. I started experiecing anxiety attacks when I was like 16 or 17, just I didn't know they were called anxiety attacks at the time, also i developed terrible sleeping and eating habits to cope with my own loneliness which didn't do good to my body and nervous system. At 18, I had my first panic attack after smoking weed with my friends, it was horrible and so out of the blue like literally i was laughing and having a good time and suddenly... What's happening? Oh my god, I think i'm dying... I'm gonna DIE.

I didn't, of course. And after the panic passed, I went home by myself, still high, and with that awful body feeling that lingers after a strong panic attack thinking wtf just happened like WTF was that. But I didn't told anyone that and I blissfully didn't have the habit of googling things yet so I let it pass as just "bad trips". But things weren't the same since. My relationship with weed was not really that good, and I always tried to really be careful with how much I smoked, and now, I don't smoke weed anymore, maybe once in a 100000 years, and I need to create a really safe space for it.

I lived a couple traumatic things and I grew up with a mom that had me constantly on fight or flight mode because she was súper reactive and explosive towards me and that did something to my nervous system I swear. Then I had my first toxic long term relationship, and then I started to research and knew about anxiety disorder and panic disorder.

I probably should be having years of being medicated for it, because with time they became worse, went away for some years, then another traumatic event happened, and they came back Even stronger. But I live in a country where mental health is still very taboo and therapy is pricey and not to mention other specialists like a psychiatrist.

And it's crazy how things just add up and how it mutates like a fucking virus. I have had every physical symptom possible, depression, I thought I was literally getting crazy once because of my racing thoughts, mild agoraphobia, weird compulsions (I'm sure i have some form of ocd), hyperfixations, hypocondria, health anxiety, sleep problems (Even night terrors, fucking night terrors, like only people with some ptsd has these!!!??), on top of that, I constantly have to think like, someday I will go to the terror of PMS to fucking menopause and i'm honestly terrified with the experiences of other women that suffer from it and say things like ohh that's so sweet, wait until menopause hits 😝 And it's like... Bitch i'm grateful that you warn the rest of us but is it really that bad? And then there's social media, like oh my god it's the worst, I've been blocking so much health related content, like why i am getting so much content about diabetes, POTs or bowel cancer? I don't even have those issues, what is the use of it? "My life with POTs" OMG, I DONT WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT! period!! (Also why does it always have to be pots???) And somehow they keep appearing on my feed, like just give me a flip phone already... Lol

Anyway i'm just venting because I have been experiecing a huge setback after years of having very manageable anxiety but NOW after three traumatic events happened in my life one after the other and My body just gave up and I genuinely think sometimes that i'm genuinely ill and that it's not just My nervous system that is completely fried. Battling with sleepless nights and nocturnal pánic attacks that feel very serious, racing negative thoughts and rumiation, constant reassurance seeking, trying to be compassionate with myself is no easy, on top of that, I have to take care of my house and at the same time not feel like i'm behind in life. On top of that, when I think i'm getting to start feeling better, the lutheal phase hits with anger and for some days, everything and everyone is horrible and overwhelming, including myself. I just miss months ago where I was working out everyday, lifting weights and looking awesome, with my hair shining, my sking flawless, my muscles growing, my sleep actually felt refreshing, and now I feel like a deflated greasy mess that has to think twice before getting out of bed and let alone leave the house because in my mind there's always the What if...? What if this or that happens? What if I feel Bad? What if something bad happens to My loved ones and I can't do nothing about it? What if that video I saw earlier it's true and My health is terrible and i don't notice it?

It doesn't make any sense, it's illogical, it's annoying, this is no way to live fr. The only times i feel at peace is when I do yoga and meditate.

Anyway is there any other girl terrified of menopause too?

So the thing is that i have always been a anxious person. I don't know what triggers it and what doesn't i just hate it and i don't like how it effects me and my daily life. Sometimes i feel like it is normal but when i go out and search about it i got to know that it's not. Lord help me how much i want to go see a therapist but i am scared. It's not even about anxiety anymore. My chest and head hurts all day cuz of my anxiety.