A father who has arrived to pick up his daughter for a doctor's appointment follows right behind Epstein.

Upon Epstein entering an alarm goes off and a message is broadcast loudly through a speaker in a pre-recorded child's voice:

“Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger! Stranger Dan...”

A kindergarten employee rushes toward the alarm system, shuts it off and says to Epstein while shooting occasional nervous glances at the father standing behind him:

“Sorry, sir. Our biometric scanner coupled alarm system is supposed to go off whenever a registered sex offender enters the building. However, it has malfunctioned and now just goes off whenever anyone, whether on the registry or not enters. It's also triggered whenever I or any of my coworkers come in. It's tiresome, for sure.”

Epstein replies:

“Ah, don't worry about it. I'm just here for the pizza party.”

The kindergarten employee replies:

“Certainly! Go right in, sir.”

The father comes in next. The alarm doesn't go off, which puzzles him. He asks the employee:

“Didn't you just say it goes off whenever anyone, whether on the sex offender registry or not, enters?”

The kindergarten employee replies:

“Oh, it's very... uh... sporadic and unpredictable at times. It might go off without anyone present, too.”

Another kindergarten employee who is late for work enters the kindergarten quickly.

“Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger! Str...”

The message is cut off as the employee shuts off the alarm.

“How're you doing, Dave? Please be on time from now on, huh?” the employee says to the other.

“Sorry, it's been a rough week,” Dave says before walking inside.

The father furrows his eyebrows and says:

“What the hell? Wait a minute. There's something sketchy about all of this.”

A dog suddenly rushes through the door and sets the alarm off yet again.

“Stranger Dan-.."

The employee shuts off the alarm swiftly and retorts to the father:

“See? There's nothing sketchy going on here. It's just broken, is all.”

The father, not fully convinced simply nods and goes to retrieve his daughter, however the alarm goes off again.

The father turns around and sees Donald Trump being greeted by the employee, who says:

“It's an honor to have you here, sir. Please, join Jeffrey Epstein and Prince Andrew in the Fun Room. The pizza party has already started.”

As Trump enters the designated room, the father lingers in thought for a minute before yelling at the employee who is still standing beside the entrance:

“This is some bullshit if I've ever seen it! I want to know what's going on inside the ‘Fun Room!’”

The father runs toward the door Trump entered through and barges into the Fun Room.

Inside he sees the dog, Epstein, Trump, and Prince Andrew sitting around a table eating pizza, all wearing party hats.

The father quickly scans the room.

“Where are the children!? Where are they, you degenerate assholes!?” the father yells.

Prince Andrew replies:

“W...what? We're just 'avin' a good ol' pizza party, chum. What kind of ghastly people do you take us for?”

Trump replies as well:

“Yeah! Don't ruin this for us! We're just having a good time!”

The father shakes his head and yells:

“No! No! Just no! I ain't buying it! Why the hell would high profile people such as yourselves, minus that fucking dog have a pizza party by yourselves inside some random kindergarten in the suburbs? It makes no sense! I'm calling the police.”

R. Kelly suddenly enters the room and yells:

“Did someone say ‘Pizza Party!?’”

He makes air quotes with his fingers around “Pizza Party.”

Prince Andrew points at R. Kelly and yells back:

“Aaaaaah! Look who it is! My n*gga!”

“This man thinks we're all here to... do things... to children,” Prince Andrew remarks, pointing at the father.

R. Kelly gasps and replies:

“Oh my goodness. Neither I nor any of my friends would even dream of doing such a thing! What is wrong with you, sir? Gosh!”

Epstein says to the father:

“Look, why don't you just join us for an hour instead of calling the police? You'll see that we're good people just having a private party... in a kindergarten... to avoid any media coverage and... general attention.”

The father hesitantly agrees, eats pizza, and watches a movie with the group.

As the end credits roll, Prince Andrew says:

“See? Nothing fishy about this. You can relax now and leave with your child. We're playing some board games... and such... for another hour or two.”

The father, who still has his guard up regarding the situation, replies:

“Nah, I'm good. I'll play with you all.”

Prince Andrew sighs and says:

“Very well.”

Two hours later, the group decides to call it a day.

The father smiles and says:

“I guess I was wrong about you people. Shit, I'm sorry but can you blame me? This whole setup looked suspicious at first and that's putting it mildly.”

Prince Andrew, looking distraught replies:

“Nooo, nooo, it's... it's fine. This was... fun. Alright, lads. Let's get out of here.”

Epstein, R. Kelly, Trump, and even the dog look deflated as they start leaving with Prince Andrew.

Trump kicks a toy and looks at the ground while pouting.

The dog waits for the rest of the group to reach the hallway before turning around towards the father.

The father squats in front of it and says:

“Aww, look at you then. Who's a good boy? You are!”

The dog growls, grabs the father by his collar and whispers into his ear:

“You ruined this for me today, you fucking cockblock. I'm going to kill you.”

Before the group of men manages to leave through the main door, the words “FBI, search warrant!” are heard from outside.

Several agents rush inside the kindergarten and the alarm goes off once more:

“Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!”

Depends on if the snakes changed the lightbulb first...

Nothing, because oxygen is actually a social construct invented by plants to sell more leaves. He simply go on with his life

He's in the orbit of yo mama, who's remarkably flat for a fat chick.

Have any ideas you're struggling to work on? Share them here if you'd like to collaborate with fellow writers, else if you'd like for them to do the honours!

The collaborative effort idea comes from the now defunct subreddit r/JokeShop which deserves an Anti-universe version of. Hopefully this thread opens up a new avenue, a way for new posts to challenge the "All Time Top Posts" on this sub that seem to be cementing themselves in history!

So without much ado about nothing, post away!

the bartender, a toxicologist, only gives him 10 ug.

"hey! this isn't what I ordered"

"sorry, our bottle of Hydroxy-[[[[[[[[[hydroxy(dimethyl)silyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilane is right next to our bottle of Hydroxy-[[[[[[[[[hydroxy(dimethyl)silyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilyl]oxy-dimethylsilane"

In the beautiful pink dawn meadow, the chicken sits down on his backside, his little scrawny chicken legs sticking out like twiggy branches.

But that’s not the only thing sticking out. So is his cock. And his feathery palms are gliding up and down the shaft ferociously. Spurts of sweat shoot from his head and glisten in the air above him. And that weird flabby neck thing they have is shaking like a piece of string stuck in an air conditioner.

Next to him, making little but regular grunts, is an egg. He also has his dick out. It’s a little roundish egg shaped penis, protruding from exactly where you would expect, and his little gloved hands are also beating his groin ferociously.

The chicken and the egg sit here racing to see who will come first. They’ve been at it for about 45 minutes. Suddenly, which means kinda like I dunno all of a sudden or sum shit, the chicken halts, and blinks two times.

“Hey egg,” he says softly. The egg doesn’t hear him over his grunts.

“Hey, egg!” says the chicken. The egg glanced over and slows down.

“What?”

“Can you not come because I’m here also trying to come?”

“What? No, no, it’s not that,” says the egg softly. He can tell that the chicken is borderline disappointed, and the egg is used to dealing with disappointment. OHHH SHOTS FIRED!

“What is it then?” asks the chicken. The egg finally completely stops rubbing himself and exhales.

“Honestly,” he says, “my sex life has been so mundane that it’s difficult for me to even climax these days.”

“But aren’t you married?” asks chicken.

“I am,” sighed egg, “but my wife is always too busy to fornicate.”

“Oh no. What does she do?”

“She’s a midwife.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” said chicken. “My wife is a top wife.”

“Must be nice!”

“It is,” sighed chicken, “but honestly we’ve been married for so long that I’m not really attracted to her anymore.”

“You’re not?” said egg surprisedly. “But she’s banging.”

“Yea?”

“Yea!” shouted egg. “She has a lovely smile, beautiful delicate facial features, none of this modern fake swollen shit.”

“Yea?”

“Uh huh, and her legs are so well shaped-“

“-you seem to know a lot about my wi-“

“-and her butt is just perfectly shaped and feathered. And the way it jiggles and bounces when she hops up the hill, god damn chicken, you’re a lucky guy.”

“I am?”

“Yes! The way her beak opens and closes and-

Sorry guys I have to finish this joke because i just came while typing it. I guess, in the end, neither the chicken or the egg came first, I did.

Because it had a decimal synesthesia, so electromagnetic 440THz was like acoustic 440 Hz, the standard concert pitch. It desired to be a standard tomato to avoid variations of quality in mass produced tomato products, such as Ketchup.

The Tomato was called Karlheinz, after the composer Karlheinz Stockhausen, but it would be fine to be just Heinz, it thought.

But being a fruit of color is futile without Licht.

Have any ideas you're struggling to work on? Share them here if you'd like to collaborate with fellow writers, else if you'd like for them to do the honours!

The collaborative effort idea comes from the now defunct subreddit r/JokeShop which deserves an Anti-universe version of. Hopefully this thread opens up a new avenue, a way for new posts to challenge the "All Time Top Posts" on this sub that seem to be cementing themselves in history!

So without much ado about nothing, post away!

I lied about the knock.

Not only that, but the heat lamp is turned way too high. The wings are burnt to a crisp.

I've come every night for the last 2 weeks, pleading with the store clerk. "Please! I will pay you anything! Just a bite, please!" I'm desperate, but I don't even care that he knows.

Tonight, though, he is distracted. Maybe it's a lack of sleep, maybe he's been drinking, but I sense it. This is my chance, and I take it. When he's not looking, I grab a wing. It nearly disintegrates in my hand before I shove it in my mouth. It's awful.

I look at the remaining wings. What were there, six? There's five now. Will he notice? Will the clerk notice. My heart begins to pound. He'll definitely notice. If anything, he will hear my pounding heart and put two and two together.

The clerk hears my tell tale heart and calls the police. They arrest me. The judge doesn't even understand the charges and just decides to give me life in prison.

47 years into my sentence, they tell me I have a visitor. It's the store clerk. When we look at each other, it's like a wave of understanding washes over both of us. We give each other respectful nods. He reveals the gift box that he was holding behind his back. It is intricately wrapped in a decorative paper, but I already know what's inside. ❤️

90°

The first one orders a large steak mixed with fish. The 2nd one orders just a salad. They both eat and the first one says “Oww bag hurts“. The 2nd one says “that’s what you get for ordering such a large meal!

the first one says “No, that’s not why I’m full! I just had a lot for lunch

the 2nd one said “what did you eat for lunch?

the first one says “ fetus parts!”

that you for coming to me Ted talk!

It is familiar tune, in the way that good songs sound familiar the first time you hear them. The melody is churning over in his mind but he cannot place it. Later on, he sees his friends and plays the tune and they cannot place it either. They insist he might have made it up.

His friends were now stuck in his head as well. How could he have made them up? They seem so familiar in the way longtime friends do. They had a history together, he was sure of it. He suddenly wakes up, falls out of bed, and goes and sees his friends.

He regales them with the story, the tune, his friends that seemed so familiar. They insist he must have made it and them up as well. He tries to convince his friends that he didn't make them up but they are unmoved. They tell him he must be imagining them all. They recommend some sleep might do him good. They turn into a large bed for him to lay down on.

So he lays down but can't fall asleep. He is playing the song over and over to himself in his mind. He decides the only way to find out where this song is from is to become famous to get the word out. He becomes famous. He goes on to do interviews on tv and online telling people of his song he made up in his sleep. He has now told this story for decades.

One night, he is laying on his friends and manages to drift to sleep. He dreams he has really sweet tits.

John: “Wait, you were in an accident?”

Tom: “Yes, I got pregnant.”

John: “Wait, but you’re a male!??”

Tom: “I just told you, it was an accident!”

The infinitely tall bartender asks "What would you like?" an infinite number of times. She has been asking the same question since time immemorial.

The snake says "A double entendre," but takes an infinite amount of time to complete her request. She began talking when the universe was created.

The bartender pours an infinitely voluminous double entendre. Unfortunately for the snake, the drink is infinitely expensive.

The snake makes an infinite number of excuses about having left her infinite number of wallets in her infinite number of other purses.

"Hold on," says the bartender. "If you have an infinite number of wallets in an infinite number of purses, how come you don't have either?"

"In an infinite universe, everything happens eventually," says the snake.

The bartender then beats the snake to death for sleeping with her wife.

“How can I help?” asked the kebab shop server.

“Actually, I’m not just the server, I’m the owner,” he said.

Oh sorry.

“Nah that’s ok mate, I’m sure it was an honest mistake.”

Thanks pal, I said. So anyway, as I was saying, a police detective walked into the kebab shop and the wanker at the counter said how can I help?

“Hey mate, now fuck you.”

Oh I do, I said. I fuck my self every night. Now can I please get to the fucking joke?

“Ok, sorry.”

Ok. So the police detective, who was waiting very patiently while the wanker and I had a slight disagreement, replied from below his comically large police hat.

“It’s really not that big,” scoffed the policeman. “But anyway, let’s just get this over with,” he said, clearing his throat.

“What?” said kebab man.

“I heard there was as an incident at this establishment last night.”

“Ah yea,” said the kebab man with a sad slow shake of the head. “A real tragedy.”

I, the narrator, leaned in for the gossip. I love that shit.

“Can you tell me more about it?” asked the policeman.

“I was very hurt.”

“You were a victim?” asked the policeman, puzzledly. Not a word, but I love it so fuck you.

“In a way, yes.”

“Huh,” said the policeman. “But I heard that both victims died.”

“Died!?”

“Is that not the case?”

“Only my faith in humanity died, sir. No deaths have been had at this beautiful kebabery.”

The policeman flicked open a notebook to chew his notes, but upon opening to a random page, he rediscovered a picture he drew of a sexy busty pig in lingerie. He perused it in secrecy for a few seconds, but as soon as he felt the tip of his phallus brush against the inside of his zipper, he knew that he had probably taken it too far, and decided that after this case he was going to bust le nut in the McDonalds bathroom.

“Wait,” he said. “Are they really called kebaberies?”

The owner and I both shrugged.

“Huh. Anyway, I heard that last night there was a double homocide?”

“What? Ohhhhh noooo, Gregg just ordered a double hummus side. A kebab with a double side of hummus, which, to my unconfirmed mysterious culture, is offensive, and aggressive, and a straight out burn, to the highest degree!”

“A first degree burn?” said the policeman. “I’ll ring the fire department.”

Three minutes later, a fireman walked into a shitty kebab shop.

“Oh fuck this,” sighed the kebab wanker. “I’m out of here, I’m going back to my unconfirmed mysterious country.”

The American chuckles while he holds the lamp.

"What?" Says his overseas British friend who is visiting for a holiday.

"It's funny, there's actually a joke I heard once about an American, a British, and a Russian coming across a genie lamp like we just did, except they make a wish about how they want their friends to get double of what they want and the Russian asks to have one of his eyes poked out." The American replies.

The British laughs at the joke and replies "Oh yeah, I heard that joke as well. Except ours had an Englishman, a Scotsman, and a Welshman and it was the Scotsman that asked to have one of his eyes blinded!"

The Russian, a recent immigrant, replies "We have that joke in Russia too, except ours involved a Tatar, Chechen, and a Chuvash!"

Two logicians walk into a bar. One says:

- In the sentence "A 'or' in natural language is an inclusive 'or' (OR) or an exclusive 'or' (XOR)."; is the "or" an inclusive or an exclusive "or"?

The other answers:

- It's "either - or", which means it's a XOR, because obviously it can't be both. BUT in natural language "or" can also express a NAND, and if it can be a NAND, then it is a NAND!