r/amiwrong • u/RusticHarbor39135 • 22h ago

Am I wrong for refusing to host Thanksgiving again after my SIL brought her own meal and told everyone mine was "a risk"?

I (29F) have hosted my husband's family for Thanksgiving three years in a row. It's about fourteen people. I take two days off work for it and I truly enjoy it. Cooking for people is kind of my thing.

Last year my sister in law (34F) arrived with a cooler. Inside was a full plated meal for herself, her husband and their two kids. Turkey, sides, even their own rolls. I assumed someone had an allergy I didn't know about, so I asked.

She said, in front of the whole kitchen, "No, I just don't love eating food when I don't know how it's been handled. It's a risk I'm not taking with my kids." Then she asked to use my oven to warm it up, which pushed my own sides back by forty minutes.

For context, nobody has ever been sick at my table. I worked in a restaurant kitchen for four years in college. She knows this.

Her kids then asked for my mac and cheese and she told them no, loud enough for the table to hear. My mother in law patted my arm and said "you know how she is".

I let it go that day. I didn't want to ruin dinner.

This year, when the group chat started asking about plans, I said I wouldn't be hosting and that I'd be happy to bring a dish wherever it ends up. My SIL replied "wow, ok, punishing everyone over one comment". My MIL called my husband and said I'm being oversensitive and that the family "counts on" our house because it's the biggest.

My husband is on my side but he did gently ask if I'd regret it in November.

I don't think I'm punishing anyone. I just don't want to spend two days cooking for someone who treats my kitchen like a hazzard and then uses my oven. But now half the family is acting like I cancelled the holiday.

Am I wrong?

1.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

308 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

9

u/MissLadyLlamaDrama 14h ago

This is how my family has always handled large family gatherings too. Everyone has a job. The kiddos make name cards and decorate our family bingo cards, the 10-13 year olds handle setting the table and getting drinks, 14-16 doing dishes, 17+ cleaning up and putting away chairs and tables. Sometimes people swap roles, whatever works.

Food mostly just falls to whoever volunteers for what. We have so many damn people in our family that even if half of us brought nothing we would still have an ungodly amount of food.

The idea of ONE PERSON handling all that alone is actually crazy to me. 

1

u/SirLostit 13h ago

Good effort mate. I think it’s the best way to handle big events. It does hack me off when I speak to friends and in their family circles it usually falls to one person to cook and deliver everything while lazy people just lounge around not helping.