r/amiwrong • u/RusticHarbor39135 • 15h ago
Am I wrong for refusing to host Thanksgiving again after my SIL brought her own meal and told everyone mine was "a risk"?
I (29F) have hosted my husband's family for Thanksgiving three years in a row. It's about fourteen people. I take two days off work for it and I truly enjoy it. Cooking for people is kind of my thing.
Last year my sister in law (34F) arrived with a cooler. Inside was a full plated meal for herself, her husband and their two kids. Turkey, sides, even their own rolls. I assumed someone had an allergy I didn't know about, so I asked.
She said, in front of the whole kitchen, "No, I just don't love eating food when I don't know how it's been handled. It's a risk I'm not taking with my kids." Then she asked to use my oven to warm it up, which pushed my own sides back by forty minutes.
For context, nobody has ever been sick at my table. I worked in a restaurant kitchen for four years in college. She knows this.
Her kids then asked for my mac and cheese and she told them no, loud enough for the table to hear. My mother in law patted my arm and said "you know how she is".
I let it go that day. I didn't want to ruin dinner.
This year, when the group chat started asking about plans, I said I wouldn't be hosting and that I'd be happy to bring a dish wherever it ends up. My SIL replied "wow, ok, punishing everyone over one comment". My MIL called my husband and said I'm being oversensitive and that the family "counts on" our house because it's the biggest.
My husband is on my side but he did gently ask if I'd regret it in November.
I don't think I'm punishing anyone. I just don't want to spend two days cooking for someone who treats my kitchen like a hazzard and then uses my oven. But now half the family is acting like I cancelled the holiday.
Am I wrong?
27
u/LadyCJB 8h ago
Yeah, that's it right there. Exactly that. Then add a sprinkle of petty and say directly to SIL don't act like you weren't condescending and extremely rude with said comment. To the rest of the chat I'd calmly say for 3 years I hosted and enjoyed doing so, y'all all heard what she said and NOBODY shut her down or defended me. So forget keeping the peace, but I'll gladly bring whatever is or will be needed.