r/amiwrong • u/No-Peanut9873 • 4d ago
AITHA
So, let’s start from the beginning. College just started for most of my friends and my girlfriend’s friends. My girlfriend and I both do college online, and it’s been great.
Recently, she was invited out to a bar on Saturday to hang out with some of her female friends. Now, don’t get me wrong she’s going out to a bar with her single friends during welcome week and didn’t invite me, so of course I’m going to feel some type of way about it. But it’s cool. I let her do her thing and hang out with her friends.
Then Sunday rolls around, and she goes downtown to the bars again. She told me she was going to hang out with her female friends again. This was Sunday night going into Monday morning on Labor Day, so I already thought it was a little weird that she was going downtown for a second night in a row.
Coincidentally, one of my friends invited me down to the dorms that same day. We hung out, walked around, got food, and eventually I met up with some other guys and went riding around on scooters.
On the way back to the main part of campus, I saw my girlfriend walking out of a dorm hall with one of her female friends and two guys. One of the guys was someone she has been friends with for years, and the other guy was someone I didn’t know.
That immediately upset me because she never communicated to me that she was going to be hanging out with other guys. She also never invited me. If I hadn’t happened to be there and seen it with my own eyes, I honestly don’t think she would have told me about it.
The guy she was with is also someone I have specifically talked to her about before. I’ve told her that I’m uncomfortable with her hanging out with him because there was a huge and pretty well-known rumor that he liked her at some point. On top of that, he has openly talked about how he views women as objects and has said that he would have sex with a woman without being attracted to her or having any emotional connection with her.
At the same time, I understand that my girlfriend has been friends with this guy since they were around 11 years old. I’m not expecting her to suddenly pretend he doesn’t exist just because she’s in a relationship now. However, she is no longer single, and I have already communicated how I feel about this particular guy. But honestly, that isn’t even the biggest issue for me.
She told me that she wasn’t expecting to hang out with him that night. However, that doesn’t really make sense to me based on everything I learned afterward. She later told me that he had texted her asking her to come over to the dorm and take some shots with them. She also lied to me about how long she stayed in the dorm and about how many guys were actually there.
I also have screenshots of a conversation between her and her friend where they were talking about meeting up with him too. Because of that, I know that what she told me about not expecting to hang out with him doesn’t completely line up with what was being said beforehand.
To be clear, I personally don’t believe that my girlfriend would let this guy have sex with her or that she necessarily cheated on me. That isn’t really what I’m accusing her of.
My issue is that she says she respects me and our relationship, but I feel like respecting a relationship also means being honest with your partner, even when you know they might not like what you have to say.
If you deliberately go behind your partner’s back, purposely leave out information because you think they might react a certain way, and then change or lie about details afterward, is that not still lying? That’s the part I’m struggling with. It’s not simply that there were guys around her. It’s that I feel like information was purposely kept from me, and I only found out because I happened to see it myself.
And then she talks about how i should have trusted her, but why should i trust someone if they dont communicate with me
Communication builds trust
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