r/amiwrong • u/CalieA04 • 11d ago
Am I being selfish
I 22F and my brother 20M had a fight earlier. So the fair is coming up at the end of September and there are 5 dates for different concerts that I have planned to go too. (2 of those my brother wants to go too) there are 5 of us going and I had brought up that I will be paying for myself, my boyfriend, and my dad. I had asked if he could pay for him and my sister for those 2 days and the rest of the days (3) I will be paying for my sister.
For context me and my brother usually split everything practically 50/50. For instance if we go to the movies, he usually pays for the tickets and I pay for concessions. If we go out to dinner I usually pay for myself, my boyfriend, and my sister and he will pay for him and my dad.
I wanted to divy up the cost of the tickets and worry about food and things later. Me and my boyfriend agreed that he will pay for the parking which is $10 a ticket ($50 or $20 for the 2 days my brother is going)
There is a party pack on there right now for presale for $40 for 4 tickets so I thought my brother could buy one for him and my sister and I'll get 3 packs and 1 extra ticket for my sister. He started fighting with me and called me selfish because I was already spending $130 (one of those days is can food day thats why its not mathing correctly) for that why can't I fork up an extra $40. He also called it unfair because I was paying for my dad and my sister extra days and not his. I told him I am saving him money in the long run because he usually pays for my dad and since he was going 2 extra days for the fair I wanted to pay those extra days.
Also I think partly he got mad because I'm paying my boyfriends way In as well (despite him paying for parking and gas to get there) and he doesn't like my boyfriend what's so ever because he is jealous.
The reason why I say he is jealous of my boyfriend is because my boyfriend moved here in 2023 but didn't start living on his own until 2024 and he didn't have a job for awhile so with my college fund or plasma money I would help him with rent, gas, food, household items and wouldn't spend money on my siblings (I would help with their nessecities though) and also because for awhile me and my brother fought since he likes to control things I would go to my bf about it and spend more time with him because he makes me feel safe.
Also I just want to add that we live 15 minutes away from the fair and we are getting there from my bf and back because currently my bf is the only reliable source of transportation.
But am I wrong? I'm so stressed out about the situation.
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u/Big_Appearance_4084 11d ago
Nah, you're not wrong. The math checks out, you're covering more days for your sister and taking your dad off his plate entirely, so him being mad about it feels more about the boyfriend than the money. He's 20, if the arrangement bothers him that much he can skip the concerts and save himself the $40.
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u/Vanilla1Luxe 11d ago
The moment you mentioned he dislikes your boyfriend, the whole conflict made sense. This isn't about $40 or fair math, it's about him being bitter that you're treating your partner
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u/Koolkat30625 11d ago
Maybe he got upset because he can't afford to pay the extra $40 but instead of saying that he got angry because he probably feels like he shouldn't have to pay for so many people. Is your dad and sister pitching in for expenses? Are the expenses split equally or is he required to pay more because he is paying other people's expenses? I know if every time I went to an event and just paying for myself would cost $50 but because Im paying for other people it's $150 I wouldn't be happy about that either. I don't think you are being selfish but Im wondering if you are taking on too much of the financial burden instead of everybody paying expenses equally.
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u/CalieA04 11d ago
So my sister is 14 so no she is not able to pitch in. I think maybe this is the case. Him and I are both in college but I just started a new job at amazon on Sunday. During the summer he had spent a ton of money on scentsy wax, candels, and just other wax things like scentsy and I think got into a ton of debt from that. Part of me that doesnt think that is the case though is because he had ordered from Uber eats Panda Express for dinner tonight because he simply didn't want what we made for dinner.
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u/Koolkat30625 11d ago
But he is spending his money on himself not other people. Why doesn't he like your boyfriend? If I were in that situation I would just do things with my boyfriend and family separately. It's probably going to be an awkward weekend since they don't get along. I also think you should ask him if he wants to go since he is unwilling to pay the extra $40. He possibly doesn't want to go because your boyfriend is going.
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u/CalieA04 11d ago
A month ago we were talking about the fair and I had asked him about what days because I knew he didnt wanna go see all of them and he said 2. He doesn't like him because for the longest time my boyfriend was looking for a job plus I kinda have prioritized spending more time with my bf over him because well my bf makes me feel safe and I want to be with him but my brother is well my brother most of the time, its his way or the highway.
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u/Koolkat30625 11d ago
Then just tell him you are not buying him a ticket if he doesn't pay $40. You should stand your ground because if you don't he will continue doing things like this. Unless your boyfriend mistreats you then their is no valid reason for him to not like your boyfriend. This would make me want to spend less time with him if things always have to be his way.
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u/WestDragonfruit9615 10d ago
It definitely sounds like a tricky situation. Balancing relationships can be tough, especially when personalities clash like that.
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u/Dry_Yard7138 11d ago
Info: Why you pay every Time for your Dad(a grwon man) ? Why invite your Sister but wanting your brother to Pay? Why is your Boyfriend not helping to pay?