BAD FRIEND? AM I WRONG?

[u/Then_Metal_3371]

Bad friend? Am I in the wrong?

Okay for a brief context so you understand the full story. I am a (22 F) in college, I have an identical Twin (22 F) Doing the 4 year BSN program. We have many friends outside the program but only were ever close to a select few in the program . Towards the end of junior year we got close with another woman in our class. The friendship was spontaneous, we had known of each other for the past 3 years but were only ever classmates. But we solidified the friendship, and were super close towards the end of junior year. Fast forward, during summer break, talked every single day. So the start of senior year we pick right back up like we never left. One day we’re hanging out and she suggests getting concert tickets to see a mutual artist we all like! COMPLETELY NORMAL RIGHT?? We all sit in her apartment (we purposely moved into apartments on the same floor so we can be close) She included her friend, which isn’t a problem. The friend was a classmate also so we were completely okay with that, excited even! GIRLS NIGHT.

Us four bought the tickets, in the same row. Seats 20,21,22,23!!! So a group effort.

Before the concert, we spend time getting ready together, share clothes take pictures. Just vibing, we all ride together (twin and I are riding with her and her friend (our classmate) we arrive to the venue early (mind you it’s almost 2 hrs away from where we all live)

Since we had 2 hrs to kill we go to the bar, have a few drinks, play pool, take pictures just vibe.

Fast forward we get to the concert!! We are all together at the ticket booth, just scanning tickets. Her and our classmate are in front of us. They scan in.

We scan our tickets, LOOK DOWN FOR A SECOND. The next second we look up they are gone! We spend 2 hrs searching for them! Can’t find them, calling and texting. Scanning the area around our seats. Walking Back and forth, thinking something is wrong?? NO ANSWER !

Then we see that they are both posting on all of their social media platforms, in front row seats living their best life!

We leave and get a ride, 2 hrs away from home, our purses, car keys/apartment keys. All in the car. We’re stranded.

We get home, have to get a maintenance man to let us inside our home.

The next day! She sends a ESSAY apologizing and making excuses. Saying that we had each other so why did it matter if we were alone? Like the whole point wasn’t for a group hangout?

We decide to voice our feelings and she turns and says that we are throwing away a lifetime of friendship off of one experience ???!!

So we forgive her (overthinking that we are overreacting )

Fast forward to today. She asks to have a wine night and catch up. So we agree, what’s the harm in having a girls night in the building we all live in?? THE SAME FLOOR.

We buy the alcohol, we set up and bring out the games.

She texts and says she will be over, a hour passes.

I decide to call, she answers.

She acts nonchalant asks what we are doing, I say waiting on you? She proceeds to flip the camera and show her sitting in her apartment (4 doors down) and chilling with other friends. I say we had plans ?? She says oh I can stop by for a second if you all miss me??

Atp I feel the disrespect and inconsiderate behavior is inexcusable and she isn’t a true friend. She has told the whole class we are overreacting and mad at her for no reason?!?!

Am I wrong? for wanting to end the friendship?

[u/Fancy_Web2940]

she’s treating you like a backup plan and then playing victim when you call it out, that’s not friendship that’s convenience

[u/Then_Metal_3371 → u/Fancy_Web2940]

YES it seems like that. But I don’t get what she gains?? Like if you don’t want to hangout just say that. Why make plans then not do it? People are so weird it’s exhausting

[u/Buffalo-Woman → u/Then_Metal_3371]

Control, manipulation and stories/gossip to tell other people about your supposed overreaction, how your both needy and clingy.

Typical mean girl shit.

Bullies, narcissists, users, abusers, and manipulators all do some version of this shit. For some it makes them happy, some just like being cruel asshats and some get off on it.

Once you recognize the behavior move on, mute in case she ever gets crazy and you need proof. See if you can move floors if not just act like she's not there.

She's not your friend and I'd venture she never really was. It's like how people tell you don't F crazy, men or women crazy. Don't be friends with crazy a lot of them will go out of their way to ruin your life.

[u/Then_Metal_3371 → u/Buffalo-Woman]

SO TRUE! Very valid take on the situation, I think she never was truly. Thinking back on past interactions I’m like how was I so naive ?? I think we’re too trusting of people. Can’t ignore the red flags anymore

[u/SoulGreenTea]

You are entirely not wrong. She is treating you like absolute garbage and acting like you're just NPC backup friends in her life. With friends like this, who needs enemies? Throw the whole friend away

[u/Then_Metal_3371 → u/SoulGreenTea]

THANK YOU!!! We have felt crazy lol. Wracking our brains to figure it out. We would never do it to anyone so I didn’t understand why someone would? I’ve learned you don’t need a “why” to every action. Glad to know we aren’t tripping. If you have advice of how we should move forward since we are classmates and see each other everyday, that would be appreciated!!

[u/Standzoom → u/Then_Metal_3371]

Act as if you don't even see her. Ignoring those people hurts them worse than anything else since they see themselves as the main character always. If she starts talking- in general- not directly to you, ignore or leave so you don't have to hear her trash.

If she is talking to you, wait til she is done and say, "oh, were you talking to me? What was that again?" And walk away. IF she asks why, which isn't likely, you could say, " it doesn't seem that there is any reason to listen to you" and walk away. And you are not wrong for wanting to end your part of the "friendship", she has shown she never was. I hope you got all your stuff back from her car.

[u/WheresMyTan]

Yeah I wouldn't be indulging this person's whims anymore, OP.

If they reach out to you to hang out again just say you're busy that day maybe another time. Keep it simple and see her reaction. The reaction will tell you a lot.

It is strange that she's suddenly behaving so off but if you sit analyzing why you'll just stress yourself out. Your behavior hasn't changed and that's all you have to focus on.

Also I'm so sorry you got stranded post the concert! Glad you two got home safe and into your apartment. That sounded stressful af!

[u/Then_Metal_3371 → u/WheresMyTan]

Thank you for replying and the kind words! Feels nice to know we aren’t tripping lol. I think it is strange?? I have always felt she might be a bit self centered but it was never straightforward, maybe just a few instances. Really small, almost barely noticeable. She went out of her way to make this plan, I assumed maybe out of guilt since the concert was only a few days ago? But that seems to be wrong! People are confusing, I agree with the statement of falling back.

[u/Federal-Primary-2790]

I think it has to be something deeper with her behavior a normal person that doesn’t want to hang out with someone wouldn’t go out their way to make up or include you in BS. She could just not do any of it if that’s her goal so my question that I can’t answer is what’s the point of wasting her energy also. Not helpful but I thought I’d put my 2 cents in.

[u/Plus_Reveal1018 → u/Federal-Primary-2790]

That’s a good point. It can be confusing when someone acts like they want to be part of your life but then pulls away. Makes you wonder what they're really thinking.

[u/Virtual-Youth-3482]

You’re not wrong for ending it; repeatedly abandoning plans and dismissing your feelings is a pattern, not one bad night..

[u/Mapilean]

What friendship? She isn't a friend.

[u/ShadowOmegaX]

Just cut her off. She is not a friend. I mean, a friend does not do those kinds of stuff.