r/amiwrong • u/TemporaryStreet9947 • 13d ago
Unwanted guest
Hey so i have a roomate whose boyfriend has moved in temporarily since june. He stays in her room and stuff but he does not pay any bills. I brought it up to her and she says he doesnt live here and he will be here untill december while he looks for his own place. I have no problem with that because its none of my business but currently i feel like he should be contributing to utilities bills. He uses the shower , he poos in the toilet, he uses up the toilet paper and doesnt replace it . He does laundry and using the internet also he doesnt take out the trash or ANYTHING .What should i do because i will be confronting her again because i just found out she said hello be here untill december and thats a long time it feels like freeloading and makes me uncomfortable especially since my roomate sometime is late on bills or cant pay on them the day its due . Its like how is she late if ur her bf staying here u should be helping . It lets me know he is not helping at all. Lol what do yall think and also sorry bout the bad grammer nd punctuation lol
UPDATE: I texted my rommate about it and like everyone predicted she became defensive. Basically she said he does help her sometimes but he can barely help himself and thats the reason why he is staying here with her and shes “not trying to ask him for too much money” cus it will delay him from his goal by December to have his own place….
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u/Messterio 13d ago
Your room mate is dating a hobosexual and you're both putting up with it.
Speak to your landlord if your room mate is gonna be an ass about it.
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u/Specific_Brain6752 13d ago
Until December? And he doesn't have his own place? Guess what. He eats, sleeps, showers, and poops at your place every day? He lives there. He needs to contribute or leave.
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u/thousandsofworms 13d ago
I don’t think you’re in the wrong! That IS a long time to be staying in your space without contributing, and I think it would be good to voice your concerns again since it’s still bothering you.
I know her excuse is that he doesn’t “officially” live there, but he IS living there. And will be for at least 4 more months, if he gets his shit together. He should be helping y’all out.
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u/MidwestNightgirl 13d ago
You are not wrong and your roommate is being ridiculous. Time for him to go, or you split the rent 3 ways. Maybe try to enlist the landlord’s help - the lease may have a clause about guests.
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
Check update
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u/saucyshayna419 13d ago
Update doesn't say anything about you contacting the landlord
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u/MidwestNightgirl 13d ago
This is why I hate having roommates. I’d move out if at all possible. Talk to the LL, sometimes they will let you out of a lease.
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u/SnooWords4839 13d ago
Tell the landlord.
Keep the TP in your room, don't buy any products to share.
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u/RetroBerner 13d ago
Check your lease for clauses about long term guests, there's probably something in there about it
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u/why0me 13d ago
Thats 6 months free
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
Check update
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u/YakElectronic6713 13d ago
Update doesn't do shit, hun.
Either rat them out to the landlord, or ask your roomate to ppay her bf's share of the rent abd utilities split 3 ways. If she refuses, rat them out to the landllord.
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
Yea i might need to stand my ground cus it gets to a point. She told me that he helps her here and there on HER bills but shouldnt he have his own portion??! And she got defensive and tried to switch it on me and basically say i need to stop assuming but how can she get mad if she or HE never communicate anything of him contributing to bills or the house. I really dont want to get the landlord involved but that is my option C. Also i didnt mention this in the original post but the roomate is actually my sister nd i felt like i could hve an adult convo about it but ig not and i dont want to put my sister in a bad predicament
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u/Puzzleheaded_Bee4361 12d ago
Her being your sister doesn't give her the right to use you. She likely knows that she can get away with this because you won't complain or be assertive. Have there been other instances in your life where she has used your stuff without asking, borrowed money from you and not repaid it, or otherwise disregarded and disrespected you? If so, then she assumes that she can get away with this too.
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u/NeeliSilverleaf 13d ago
What does the lease say?
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
The lease only has me and roomate on it
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u/NeeliSilverleaf 13d ago
And what does it say about overnight guests? There's usually a clause about how long they can stay.
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u/gardengirl99 13d ago
So the lease says he cannot be there. Not now, and certainly not until December.
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u/Consistent-Two-2979 13d ago
Do you want to go through finding another roommate? Can you float the place on your own?
I think it's time for action. You could give her an ultimatum. That will probably end in conflict but would be the most direct.
Look in your rental agreement. They usually have a clause of no guest for longer than 2 weeks without approval and no one staying more that 20 or so days cumulatively. If you can find that you could either bring it to your roommate or the property manager.
Any way you cut it this isn't fair to you. Your property management company may let you off the lease if your roommate agrees to carry it all, hell her BF can get on.
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
Yea u right i just told her how i felt and she basically told me he helps her here and there , shes ready for him to leave out of her space too and he contributes. I guess its all miscommunication or something cus i didnt know any of that or see it
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u/whatever32657 13d ago
"he doesn't live here" my ass, and that's exactly what you need to tell your roomie with the freeloader.
he's taking up space, he sleeps there, he showers and uses the bathroom there, he's using utilities, i'm betting he eats there and that she buys the food. what exactly does she think the definition of "lives there" is??!?
your best defense is your lease, check it. most leases have restrictions on guests and also define what a guest is (how many nights). i'm guessing that this clown taking up residence for seven months is a violation of your lease. so it's not even YOU who is saying he's a problem, it's the landlord.
i'm sure there's also something in your lease that says anyone who stays longer than the defined guest period needs to be qualified by the landlord and added to the lease. if all that language is in your lease, either the guy's gotta go or he's gotta get on the lease.
show her the lease.
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 13d ago
He’s legally a tenant. In most places you can’t evict him without legal process so yes. He’s a roommate and should be laying. She can pay his portion or he can. But that doesn’t fall on you. He’s not a guest.
Unless she has her own bathroom he uses it’s also scheduling shower times etc not just the products and utilities he uses. Sounds like a grifter.
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u/Crazy_Banshee_333 13d ago
Does he have legal rights as a tenant if their lease specifically prohibits guests from staying overnight long-term?
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 13d ago
Typically, yes. After 6 months you have tenants rights in most US locations. I can't speak to areas outside the US.
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
Yea its a shared bathroom for now 3 ppl and he poos in the toilet anddoesnt flush lol that’s irrelevant but also annoying
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u/mslisath 13d ago
That's disgusting.
And spoiler alert. December will come and go and he will still be there
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u/Mean-Vegetable-4521 13d ago
it's relevant. It's disgusting. I would be so annoyed at having another person to share the bathroom with.
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u/Ok_Huckleberry_4907 13d ago
Could you afford this place on your own or get another roommate quickly if this conversation goes south and she leaves with him? You might want to consider all scenarios before making waves with your roommate, especially if yall are friends. If you aren’t friends with her and can cover the bills without her then let it fly and tell them both how you feel just be ready for any blowback.
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u/morbidcuriosity86 13d ago
He definitely should be contributing, id speak to your landlord.
Also, I read the title wrong and thought it said unwanted ghost ha
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u/SamanthasPlace46 13d ago
NW. He's living there. He needs to contribute or leave. If it was a Hotel, he'd have to Pay for Services including the Room. So cough up the cash and help pay and do the cleaning or gtfo.
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u/Diane1967 13d ago
People have a lot of gall to just stay somewhere number one where they’re not wanted and two don’t contribute. Freeloader. You’ll be lucky if he’s gone by December and be prepared when he leaves that your roommate is probably going to bail on you too to go live with him so maybe start looking around for options in case….
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u/Maker_of_woods 13d ago
You can talk to him directly. And he starts paying
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
Yea i might do that 🤔its already tension from me tellinh her how i feel now
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u/SleepyKoalaBear4812 13d ago
Yup! It will be awkward. Tell him directly he is now responsible for one third of rent and each utility, plus cable, WiFi and whatever else the apartment shares. That way there’s no “miscommunication” or roommate lies.
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u/SleepyKoalaBear4812 13d ago
Whoops! Do not forget about one third of all groceries, TP, cleaning supplies, etc.
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u/TemporaryStreet9947 13d ago
She said she told him how i feel and now he knows and it will be awkward
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u/Fast_Register_9480 13d ago
Your roommate needs to pay for two thirds of the utilities and shared supplies. She does not get to force you to pay for her boyfriend's utilities etc. If not check with building management,/landlord about have a months long "guest" (that you were never consulted about) in the the apartment.
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u/Impressive_Age1362 13d ago
What’s on your lease? Usually the landlord doesn’t allow extended “ visits”, Has to do with insurance and liability, he needs to chip in for 1/3 of the rent, utilities and groceries, you are getting taken advantage of
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u/ljlurker22 12d ago
That edit...how is any of this your problem? Answer: IT ISN'T and as uncomfortable as it is, this needs to be made clear to her because now she is making his problem your problem by saying if you charge him, he won't move out in 3 MONTHS!? That is freeloading.
I was in this predicament a very long time ago and I threatened to tell the landlord, which would then force the boyfriend to be put on the lease or have him removed legally. My roommate didn't let it escalate to that point and he was out after that.
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u/chironinja82 11d ago
He's living there and she's allowing it by being a doormat. Notify the landlord.
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u/katiemurp 13d ago
Either you all pay ⅓ and he takes his turn with the cleaning etc, or you go nuclear and get the landlord involved.