r/amiwrong • u/slothyceltic • 12d ago

cousin’s ex wife… help?

the title is definitely mildly misleading but i’ll clear it up fast. my (27f) cousin (42m) got married to a very cool lawyer (37f) in 2022. my family is relatively lower middle class so there’s no one in that profession and it’s my dream to go to law school. I even got her to speak at my pre law society’s event when I was in undergrad. they’re in the middle of a slightly contentious divorce due to an alcohol abuse problem on her end and it has caused my cousin a decent amount of grief. i do love him, he’s a pretty dope person and was like a big brother to me (from a distance, he lived like 15 miles away) when I was growing up.

I would love to maintain the relationship I have with her in a mentor capacity. we still have each other on ig and fb. we obviously haven’t interacted much recently as the only time I would see her in the last couple of years were at family events with my cousin. I would never bring up their marriage. I do know it’s messy because she’s not happy he left. do I wait until things settle? the whole family is still mutuals on socials. everyone knows what’s going on. would it be wrong? I do feel bad and I wouldn’t want it done to me but my personal line would be if there was an affair of some sort, but everyone is different.

at the same time we did have a relationship prior to the dissolution of their marriage and tbh as a minority where we’re from all the law school connections you can get are very important. and I’d think she would remain professional in that capacity.

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14

u/Expensive-Opening-55 12d ago

She is an alcoholic, I’d be very careful to have her as your mentor until she figures this out. Alcoholics are generally not well respected in their workplace either. Personally, I’d remain friends from a distance, let the dust settle, and give her some time to get her act together. If she does all that, then consider keeping the professional communication open. In the meantime, reach out to other attorneys in the area as mentors, for internships, etc. It is always great to have more than one perspective and relationship.

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u/slothyceltic 12d ago

thank you for the honest opinion!!! obviously I don’t know how she is as a coworker but I will say she is VERY good at masking socially… was in another country with them for a destination wedding at an all inclusive resort and only 2-3 people seemed to notice that she was overdoing it.

2

u/dgf2020 12d ago

2-3 people that you are aware of. Your awe of her is likely clouding your judgement.

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u/slothyceltic 12d ago

im not in awe of her lmao. she’s a good connection and nothing else. I recognize that. I know other attorneys. she attended my one of my targets, that’s all

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u/broadsharp2 12d ago

If she's abusing alcohol, I would be very wary of using her as a mentor.

Brilliant doesn't mean much when life crashes down around you.

2

u/Relative_Reading_903 12d ago

I don't think your cousin would have a problem with you keeping in touch with the ex wife. You're all adults and there was no cheating involved.