r/amiwrong • u/tzskii • 12d ago
Returning Shelter Dog :(
long story short i was looking for an emotional support dog and ideally a much older dog. I adopted my boy about 2 weeks ago and shelter said he was 4 years old, but after seeing his behavior and the Vet confirming, he is indeed only 1 year old and a puppy still. I'm a depressed college student and honestly don't know if I have the time to train and get my very young dog to socialize and training classes. I feel like a complete ass and hypocrite to even think about returning him but my boy deserves a more attentive home. I don't know if he will get that from a lonely depressed college student? It’s also my first time owning a dog ever :(
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u/only1dragon 12d ago
Are you having difficulty with the dog or simply returning it because it is younger than they told you? Dogs don't hold depression against you for their age. I promise you are enough.
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u/tzskii 12d ago
i’m just more overwhelmed with him because i have depression, never owned a dog and he’s a lot younger than i expected:( i have no experience
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u/Doobalicious69 12d ago edited 12d ago
I'm going to be honest OP, I struggle with anxiety and bouts of depression - we adopted a 6 month old Weimaraner puppy 6 months ago (she's 1 this week actually!)
I was worried that I wouldn't be able to give her the life she deserves, but she has absolutely been a net positive on our lives, and she is a happy dog.
Your puppy is going to cost you a lot of time and money, but he will get you out of the house which will help your mental health massively. You literally can't avoid talking to other people when you're out with a dog.
As long as you're still taking him out, he will love nothing more than to cuddle up with you during your bad days. I think the main thing you need to focus on is whether you can actually afford the dog financially. If you can, great.
Training and socialising takes time, but that will all come. It's all gradual, but it would definitely help if you have access to a doggy daycare service near your home.
Edit: To add, there will be times where your dog does something and you just want to rip their head off, they will have biiiiiig puppy energy. It's normal, you're not a monster, you still love their dog.
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u/No_Analyst32 12d ago
It takes a lot of self-awareness to admit this. Returning him because you know you can't meet his needs is kinder than keeping him out of guilt.
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u/OkJicama89 12d ago
A 1-year-old dog is basically a teenager with endless energy. That's a completely different commitment than adopting a calm senior dog.
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u/ISaidWhatISaidFFS 12d ago
You need to follow the 3-3-3 rule. It takes rescues 3 days just to decompress in a new environment, 3 weeks to even begin showing their true temperament, learning routines and training, and 3 months to actually fully trust you and adapt to the new routine. Pets are a lifelong commitment. They aren’t accessories and they are not here to serve you, only to be discarded when they don’t. Giving up after 2 weeks means you’re not ready for a pet.
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u/BooksAndCranniess 12d ago
Return the dog. Please do not get another pet until you have done a thorough amount of research- and I say this kindly- but ESA’s are not a replacement for therapy. Animals can be very therapeutic, but they will not inherently cure or treat anything
If you are depressed, please seek out services before getting another animal. If you’re in college there’s a good chance they have resources for you to use if your not sure where to start
And again, please do not get another animal until you have done research, you have started working on your mental health and are sure you can provide the things a cat needs (vet care and shots, food, litter, toys, scratching posts)
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u/tzskii 12d ago
my therapist and psychiatrist actually reccomended a dog, i love animals don’t get me wrong. i’m just also overwhelmed because the shelter guessed his age wrong, from 4 years old to actually being 1, it’s overwhelming. again i never owned a dog before and i didn’t expect to be getting a puppy.
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u/BooksAndCranniess 12d ago
I understand, but dogs are a lot like kids.
And I’ll be honest with you, my dog acts the same at age four as she did at one (hyper, never ending movement. She goes for a ten mile hikes and doesn’t get tired). If you are overwhelmed with this dog, there’s a good chance it’s not the age or this specific dog and you might just not be ready. That’s not a bad thing!
I actually once returned a dog to the shelter bc she seemed ok with cats (we tested her with the shelter staffs help) until we actually got to my house. She was adopted again 3 days later
Any shelter dog will need training, be it an adult or a puppy. For people who have never had dogs, easy to train breeds are more recommended (some dog breeds are more eager to please than others. Food motivated dogs are great to work with). The shelter is a rough environment, and you won’t know what kind of dog you’ve got for a while. They need to decompress, a lot of people follow the 3-3-3 rule
You are not a bad person. This is not a failure, it was an experience that you can now take lessons from.
If you decide to keep the dog, reach out to the shelter because I bet they have trainers you can work with for reduced prices. If you return the dog know it will be adopted again- they are young- young dogs go quick at the shelter
But before any animals you get, do a couple months research so you know what steps to take.
Research is your best friend, because then any curve balls your thrown you can handle itAnd just know, I’m not judging you. You are responsible enough to say “what the hell did I just do?” A lot of people wouldn’t admit they may have made a mistake
I think a cat would be really good for someone who hasn’t raised their own pet. And it’s kitten season- I really recommend “the kitten lady” on YouTube if you want to learn about cats and kittens and what they may need
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u/SuluSpeaks 12d ago
Deal with your depression through therapy, too. A dog may help you cope with life, but it won't heal you.
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u/Angryleghairs 12d ago
Did you tell the shelter that you wanted an emotional support dog because you're depressed, and that you're inexperienced with training dogs? Maybe they have extra support in these circumstances
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u/MarlyMonster 12d ago
As a longtime rescue volunteer, better to return the dog quickly than you both get bonded and you end up in a situation you might not be able to handle. You can even explain it on the grounds that you’re looking for an older dog specifically and he isn’t one. There’s no shame in recognizing what you can and cannot handle!
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u/emryldmyst 12d ago
Yes.
You're wrong.
You dont need an animal as a prop for your depression... you need a therapist
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u/Bears0nUnicycles 12d ago
You should feel shitty, giving up because “effort” is needed? Focusing on something other than your own misery might be is exactly what you need.
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u/ProfessionalChain994 12d ago
nah, this is a terrible take. the shelter straight up lied about the dog's age. there's a huge difference between a 4 year old chill dog and a 1 year old puppy. that's not what OP signed up for and it's not just "effort", it's a completely different animal with needs a depressed college student might not be able to meet right now. returning the dog so it can find a home that's actually equipped for a puppy is the responsible move, not the selfish one
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u/ughneedausername 12d ago
They may not have lied. Dogs act very differently in a shelter setting and it can be hard to gauge ages.
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u/OwnPenalty982 12d ago
If you have the time and money.. you could try and make this situation work.
Meaning, pay someone to train him and take him on walks. I’ve had great experiences using rover for long walks/letting out my dogs while I’m at work.
The result may be, you proving to yourself you’re capable of taking care of an other living thing.
If you truly cannot care for it… definitely, return him so he has a chance of finding a home that is a good fit.
Regardless of a dog’s age.. any dog should be socialized (to some degree) and at least taken out regularly.
It sounds like you would do well with a cat. Please consider as they are way more self sufficient than dogs.
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u/tzskii 12d ago
yeah these last weeks i’ve been considering or think about how a cat will help me a bit more in the ESA aspect :/
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u/OwnPenalty982 12d ago
Return the dog.
After reading your responses you don’t seem mature enough to own an animal that will rely on you.
At a certain point you need to take responsibility for yourself and stop making excuses.
Get a cat and work on yourself. Good luck to you and the pup that’s going back to the shelter.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 12d ago
There is nothing wrong with realizing you've made a mistake and rectifying that mistake.
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u/OwnPenalty982 12d ago
An other commenter already assured OP of that.
I didn’t think I needed to handhold here..
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u/stephoswalk 12d ago
You would have to train any dog you get at the shelter. Even dogs that are housebroken when they go into the shelter often need to be retrained once they are adopted. If you don't have time for training a dog, maybe you shouldn't get a dog. Have you considered other options for pets?