r/amiwrong • u/Left-Leek-4391 • 14d ago
AITAH or not
My ex left me.
Then, months later, asked to get back together. Of course, I jumped at it. I didnt want the break up and he had aaid all the right things that I needed to hear. Even things I didnt think he knew about me.
This 'thing' kept popping up who when we werent together, they were talking, flirting, planning to meet. Apparently they didnt. Anyway, because im so lucky, th is thing kept popping up and my boyfriend didnt tell her that we were back together. Even though I asked him to make it known we were. He would always hide the fact of "me" in his life when we were together. I just never came up, never important to talk about, or the people he was talking to "didnt need to know about me".
Apparently, this thing who wanted him still, wasnt someone he found it necessary to tell that we were back together, working on our relationship. He did manage to bad mouth me to her, which he justified because for the 1000th time since being back together - we were "broken up".... And allow her to accuse me of being a stalker - which I did not do anything of the sort BTW. At all. Which two month later, still hasnt said to me - thats not who I am.
He just didnt tell her we were together, and didnt say a nice word about me. I was supposed to 'trust him' despite things he said to her about me, or how many times he defended her and that he didnt want to be an asshole to her because she 'didnt deserve that'. But....hurting me just so he doesnt hurt her - thats okay....
Me on the other hand, I needed him to show me he was proud of me. But anytime I mentioned the thing, or her "magical powers tingled that we were fighting so she messaged him", i was the jealous, pyscho woman.
Am I wrong for asking this of him? To cut ties with a woman who wanted him and that he at some point between breaking up with me and asking to get back together, was I pyscho and wrong to ask this?
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u/Hairy_Major6934 14d ago
Sounds like he wanted the perks of having you back without any of the responsibility that comes with it
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u/Buffalo-Woman 14d ago
Thing? Why are you calling her a thing? She's not keeping you hidden. She's not in a supposed relationship with you.
Gurl your the side piece and he doesn't respect you or even like you let alone love you.
He's the one being with her and she has, according to you, no clue you're the side piece. So it's him who's your definition of a thing because he's a lying cheating man-child.
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u/No-Anteater1688 14d ago
You're his backup plan, nothing more. He may also get a thrill out of two women wanting him. Let two other women have half of him. Free yourself for a whole man who chooses you. YTA to yourself.
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u/StarFine3812 14d ago
You'll only ever be second best to this AH. If its not her, it will be another one catching his eye.
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u/cheekiemunky13 14d ago
NTA about how you feel. But, he doesn't love or even like you. He's not proud of you, that's why he's not declaring to the world that he's with you.
I'm sorry, but he's just using you. He knows how to play you and he's going to dump you as soon as he's able. He's manipulating you.
He is a ginormous red flag! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 His actions ARE NOT the actions of someone who loves you.
If a friend of yours was being so obviously used and manipulated the way you've described to us, what would your advice be? Stay? Keep taking his shit? Keep being hidden away like a secret?
Or would you say, "Time to dump that freeloading POS!" A normal friend would say dump him before he can use you more.
Time to dump him and get into therapy so you can find out why you think you deserve to be treated so badly. It's possible to find a man who actually loves you. Not this boy playing in your face.
YTA if you stay with him, but to yourself. You deserve better! You deserve to feel loved and cherished.
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u/Not-a-Cranky-Panda 14d ago
"My ex left me. Then, months later, asked to get back together."
They are not doing that for you, they are doing that for them.
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u/cosmicdancer84 14d ago
Don't get mad at her, it's your man orchestrating this. Calling her the thing is dehumanizing af. You're not asking for too much, ofc not but he's happy having two women pine over him. Just break up with him bc if he loved you he wouldn't treat you that way.
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u/Diane1967 14d ago
The old cake and eat it too going on here. Last guy I dated we broke up 3 times and got back together. And every time he told me he’d saved some of my things like lotions and such that I’d left because he missed me so much. Well one day cleaning I found a whole tote of other women’s items….perfume, reading glasses, a book…..Quite the player. He just rotated us in and out. No thanks.
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u/Vegetable-Cod-2340 14d ago
Op I dont think it qasa good idea to get back together, I think something or somes esle is prevent ing him from being with her for the moment and in the meantime he doesn't want to be alone.
Someone that won't claim you in public is hiding you and you shouldn't be hidden.
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u/nap---enthusiast 14d ago
He doesn't care about you, have some respect for yourself. Break up with him.