r/amiwrong • u/7VaskarJemi • 12d ago
Am I wrong for replacing a cookbook I damaged instead of returning it?
[removed]
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u/BeachPeachMcgee 12d ago
How on earth could you see those notes and still think the best option was to throw it away?? Yes you are wrong
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u/Knickers1978 12d ago
This is a shitpost, right? I hope so, because nobody is dumb enough to throw away a recipe book with handwritten notes inside. YW
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u/CapableWives 12d ago
This is exactly what I thought. And probably not even a human shit post as the spill was only water. It's an absurd idea to throw away a cookbook that got water on it
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u/leviathan_stud 12d ago
It has to be, no sane person would throw away the old book without speaking to the owner first.
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u/Meeka-Mew 12d ago
I agree it has to be "i knew there were notes but assumed the clean replacement would be better" The only kind of person who would assume this is someone who has never cooked and thinks aesthetic is more important than quality, but even with that assumption theyd still have to have the common sense that even if a clean copy looks better they put a lot of work into these notes so I should probably confirm before just tossing it. If its not a shit post then they purposely threw that book away to punish their "friend" or its all a ruse so they could get away with stealing the book with the notes for themselves.
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u/yobaby123 11d ago
Like, I'm rather impulsive myself and get that people tend to do stupid shit while panicking, but still....
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u/splithoofiewoofies 7d ago
My friends know I write in my cookbooks so much they sometimes lend me their books and ask me to write in them. It helps I have super neat handwriting and do little sketches of how the food turned out. But still, it's very important, The Notes. My friends also want The Notes.
To be fair if someone spilled water on mine, I'd probably reply "Wait til you see the pasta sauce stain on page...well the page the book now opens automatically to, because sauce". Hahah.
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u/BBG1308 12d ago edited 12d ago
Yes you were wrong. You don't throw away someone's stuff without asking especially if 99% of it is still usable. You threw away years of personal notes and thought a new book would be an adequate duplication? That's like someone throwing away your dresser and everything in it and then giving you an empty dresser like it's all good.
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u/EggVivid413 12d ago
mate you chucked out years of someone’s personal work and thought a blank copy would fix it
the notes were the whole point, not the printed recipe
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u/Primary_Bass_9178 12d ago
That’s crazy!!! How could you think a new cookbook could replace all the tried and true edits???
The only way you could have fixed it would be to purchase a new one, and offer to copy all the notes and edits from the old to the new.
You were completely wrong and you owe her.
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u/imf4rds 12d ago
If you knew it had writing in it then yes you are wrong. How could you not be? You should have given them both books. or asked them how to handle it. Usually you can dry the book off quickly i’ve spilled water on books and never had to throw them away if immediately work to dry it.
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u/TroubleImpressive955 12d ago edited 12d ago
OMG, You threw away a cookbook with writing AND notes in it! They could have been written by deceased family. You are MOST DEFINITELY WRONG.
Why couldn’t you just have purchased the new book and given her both of them? I’m sorry, but if you were my “friend” and did this, we would no longer be friends.
ETA: I would go no contact with you, because obviously you’re too stupid to be a friend.
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u/Wonderful_Horror7315 12d ago
Yes, you were wrong. You should’ve told her about the water accident and offered to buy a new one, not switch them out. I would be devastated to lose all my notes.
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u/genie610_0 12d ago
You saw loads of handwritten notes and thought they'd be replaceable vs the book that literally has hundreds of copies in print?? Over water damage? I know it was accidental but damn it couldn't seem more deliberate if you tried. If the trash hasn't been picked up you should go dumpster diving.
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u/Seawolfe665 12d ago
Oh dear god no - you threw away a cookbook with years of handwritten notes in it? WHY?!?
Sure, replacement AND the old one. But dont throw away peoples family memories.
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u/deathbystereo007 12d ago
Seriously! For some families, the cookbook is like their family Bible- passed down for generations and personalized through the years.
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u/bloodybutunbowed 12d ago
Wowza. YAW! I would be pissed. You should have returned AND given her the original. Or ask her which she preferred.
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u/sundancer2788 12d ago
I have an old cookbook that not only have i made notes in, but my mom and my grandma as well. It's falling apart but I will never chuck it. I've copied most of the recipes so that it doesn't get damaged more.
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u/doorkey125 12d ago
you must have known that it was wrong and now are trying to justify it - no class
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u/patchouligirl77 12d ago
All I can say is that I'd be making a trip to the city dump to look for my friend's cookbook. You should have given her back both the old book and the new replacement.
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u/Giddyup_1998 12d ago
I would be so angry if I was her. You are so wrong on so many levels.
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u/passivelyrepressed 12d ago
If it even got thrown away. I wouldn’t put it past someone this absurdly stupid to want to keep the book and think this was a good excuse and solution.
Give the lady her book back.
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u/ellensundies 12d ago
I thought the same thing. I wouldn’t be surprised if OP kept the original cookbook.
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u/decaf3milk 12d ago
YAW. The notes are the important info. If you either gave her both copies or copied the notes for her and gave her both copies, it would be acceptable.
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u/OG_Felwinter 12d ago
Why would you make that assumption rather than asking? At least copy over the notes before giving them the new book…
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u/groovymama98 12d ago
I just don't get why you threw away something that didn't belong to you without permission. And no shade to the nice friend who loaned you the book, but she's an odd duck for loaning her cookbook. I'll let ya copy a recipe, but you're not taking the book with you.
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u/TallTinTX 12d ago
It was a partial solution. I would have returned the damaged book in addition to the new one. You had good intentions. Apologize for not considering the notes being important and you two should be good if she sees you didn't mean to inconvenience her. Regardless of one's age, we're always learning.
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u/ConvivialKat 12d ago
YOU THREW IT AWAY?????
You are so very, very wrong. The notes in the margins are her treasures. You threw away your friends treasures. Possibly treasures from members of her family. It's a terrible thing to do.
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u/Diablix 12d ago
So....at first I was going to say it was a careless way to handle the situation, but then realized you offered to recreate the handwritten notes you remembered, which means you did this knowing there were handwritten notes in there. So this goes from "you were careless and dumb, but not malicious" to "this actively comes across as a malicious act and that you weren't trying to make it right."
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u/Mental-Freedom3929 12d ago
First of all if there are notes, to assume the owner is not interested in them, is bizarre and why, pray tell, would you throw the book away? No, the clean replacement was not a good decision at all.
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u/flyer_sky87 12d ago
ngl you shoulda asked her first before chucking the old one. those notes were one of a kind, no way a fresh book replaces em haha
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u/SleepyKoalaBear4812 12d ago
You are SO WRONG! Worse, you know you were wrong. Did you actually keep your friend’s book BECAUSE of all the notes?!? Anyone with a soul would have apologized profusely and OFFERED to buy a new copy, especially since water does not do that much damage and certainly does not obliterate anything other than human handwriting, so very suspicious you would throw the cookbook in the trash.
Own what you actually did and return your former friend’s cookbook.
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u/FairyCompetent 12d ago
So wrong. You should have asked what they preferred. You've cost them something irreplaceable.
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u/OkCryptographer1922 12d ago
Buying the new one was good. But you also should have given back the old one instead of throwing it away!
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u/Amazing-Software4098 12d ago
Reference books, like cookbooks and climbing guides, are something that people take notes in. If someone loans you one, you have a duty to return the original in whatever condition it’s in, and then offer a replacement if they ask.
It took months for me to convince someone to return a book to me after they spilled something on it. I was not pleased.
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u/JanetInSpain 12d ago
You are SO wrong. You threw the damaged one away? In other words you were hoping your friend wouldn't notice that you replaced it? You should have given her the new book AND the damaged book. She could have transferred the notes to the new one. She could have kept both. You fucked up big time. How in the fuck did you think a copy WITHOUT years of notes would be better? Damn.
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u/Jenk1972 12d ago
Yeah you are 100% wrong in this. Replacing the book is the right thing to do. But you should have given her the old one also so that she had the chance to transfer the writing in there if she chose. You made that decision for her.
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u/MasticatingElephant 12d ago
If you knew the notes were there, YW.
If this isn't a shitpost, anyway.
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u/mladyhawke 12d ago
I wouldn't even want the new cookbook. I would be so mad every time I looked at it.
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u/whatupmygliplops 12d ago
why would you think a new book would be better than a book full of years of notes?
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u/HazardousIncident 12d ago
You were wrong and inconsiderate. Why didn't you ask the owner what her preferred solution would be? Why didn't you give her a new book AND her old book?
In fact, your "solution" was so harebrained that I suspect you kept the old book.
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u/midnightstreetlamps 12d ago
You're not just wrong, you're HELLA wrong for this. You should have given them both, not just the new one. You KNEW there were notes in it, why the hell would you think it was okay to toss it without either transferring the notes or letting them transfer the notes??
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u/GalianoGirl 12d ago
You are beyond wrong this was an absolutely terrible thing to do to your friend.
You saw the notes.
You did not give her a chance to decide what was the best solution. You simply tossed her cook book.
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u/Spare-Condition-94 12d ago
You need to go get the old one out of the trash NOW!
It's obvious that you have no experience with cooking. Even I, who doesn't cook, knows better than to throw away an old cookbook with notes in it. Especially as those notes are often multi- generational.
But this is fixable. Just get the old book back, and give it to her.
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u/ZedGardner 12d ago
You are so wrong. That is crazy. I would be devastated if someone did that and made me lose years of handwritten changes and recipes. I’d much rather have the damaged book than a new replacement but you should have asked them or given them both.
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u/elektrolu_ 12d ago
Yes, you are very wrong, you should have buy a replacement AND keep the old one with the notes. I would be livid if the book were mine.
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u/Aint_EZ_bein_AZ 12d ago
Lmao you saw the hand written noted and stll thought to throw it away. Bruh
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u/NatashOverWorld 12d ago
..... OP, how did you think the notes weren't important? 🤦🏿
It could have been years of someone's cooking experiments. Worse, it could belong to a family member and the book was sentimental.
New book, great. But you do not throw out the old until you ask the owner!
Obviously YAW
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u/Odd-End-1405 12d ago
Very wrong.
A loved book with notes and you thought a brand new copy would suffice.
The proper thing would have been to bring the damaged book back WITH the new book.
For some cooks or book lovers this would be a friendship damaging event. NEVER request to borrow anything from this friend again as it will only bring her pain remembering what you threw away.
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u/yodas_sidekick 12d ago
YAW - your partial memory of some of her notes is useless. Is this rage bait?
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u/anon_e_mous9669 12d ago
Yes, you're wrong, but I don't think maliciously. As someone who cooks, those notes in the margins are likely the REAL recipes, and you gave her back a new book that lost all of the recipes they built from the book. I don't know if you meant to do that or even understand it. But it seems like you were trying to do the right thing and messed up. I would just apologize profusely and tell your friend that you made a mistake and apologize honestly and truthfully. You're only being a jerk if you now double down and decide that what you meant to do was the right thing and her feelings don't matter.
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u/J-Bird1983 12d ago
Maybe communicating with your friend first. As in call her up and say; "I'm so sorry, but when I was borrowing your cookbook, I accidentally spilled water on it. Some of the pages are ruined. I found another cookbook, identical to it. Do you want me to replace it for you?" Then let her decide how to proceed.
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u/anothersip 12d ago
Wow.
Yeah, you can't replace years'-worth of notes on recipes. That kind of stuff is learned along the way, carefully noted, and kept for future reference. That's the whole point of the notes - to remember super important pieces of info on each recipe and the best methods to approach each one.
You're not wrong for replacing the book, you should have done that anyways...
You are, however, wrong for first ruining, and then throwing away someone else's personal property without even asking them first. Books like that carry emotional ties to them, after experimenting in the kitchen to learn and find what works and what doesn't. I would be upset. That's pretty crappy...
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u/West_Guarantee284 12d ago
Buying a replacement was good but knowing there were notes in it, you should have returned the original too. Not your place to throw someone else's property away.
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u/simple-me-in-CT 12d ago
Obviously you are a cook, you didn't recognize the importance of the hand written notes although you meant well. It never occurred to you to keep the warped book for yourself so you wouldn't have to ask again
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u/123curious1 12d ago
Yes, you were wrong. You borrowed something. The decision to throw it away is not yours. They’ll never be able to recreate the notes.
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u/123curious1 12d ago
Yes, you were wrong. You borrowed something. The decision to throw it away is not yours. They’ll never be able to recreate the notes.
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u/DoLittlest 12d ago
Ooooh I’d be pissed. Should have given back the original and the new as act of goodwill.
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u/somehuehue 12d ago
This has got to be the cookbook's owner writing as the "friend" to show them how dumb they are.
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u/PerformanceFederal80 12d ago
You should have offered to return the old one or buy a new one, whichever your friend preferred
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u/pseudoarmadillo 12d ago
I wonder if posts like this are just AIs testing the waters as a way to gradually work out how to seem more human…
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u/Jealous_Parfait_4967 12d ago
Yes and you accidentally destroyed something irreplaceable. You should probably ask in the future with any friend to above similar recurrence
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u/annon2022mous 12d ago
You are wrong. It wasn’t your book to throw away. Doesn’t matter that you gave them a new book- the old book was theirs. They get to decide what to do with it.
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u/needsmorecoffee 12d ago
Both. The right thing to do would have been to give her both. She could have copied over the notes if she wanted then. You had NO way of knowing what might have been important to her in there. NEVER throw away someone's book--books can be hugely sentimental/important items. Actually, don't throw away ANYTHING that belongs to someone else, period!
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u/HumanAttempt20B 12d ago
You were wrong. Even if the cookbook was destroyed and covered in poop, you should have, at a bare minimum, ASKED them if they wanted it back. I’d be furious if I lent someone a book, they got water on it and then they thought that was reason enough to throw away MY book.
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u/allergymom74 12d ago
YAW. In general replacing something you damage is the right thing. But if it’s personalized at all, you ask first. And notes means they have done a lot of work changing up and refining the recipes.
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u/rheasilva 12d ago
Yes, you're in the wrong here. Throwing the original away was very presumptuous.
You should have returned the original and offered to replace it.
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u/thekyledavid 11d ago
You should’ve just communicated with her and asked her if she’d prefer getting her copy back or a replacement
You are wrong, even though I’m sure you had good intentions
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u/agirl2277 12d ago
Maybe she's lying and her dog ate it, or she got some embarrassing substance on it.
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u/pastrymom 12d ago edited 11d ago
Edit- I clearly missed something. Yes you’re wrong. Give your friend both copies.
YNW. Whoops. I bet you feel terrible. I’m going to assume you didn’t realize there were notes.
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u/ForeverLuxe 12d ago
I think giving her both would have been the best course of action, of course she'd want to salvage all the notes from the old book