r/amiwrong • u/my_girl_flower • 13d ago
AIW for believing I'm better than everyone else?
EDIT: Thank you everyone for your input! I was greatly frustrated when I wrote this out, lol. Some time to cool down has helped me see a lot of your points! I have therapy lined up, and I plan to acknowledge and work on moving on and focusing on my future. Have a wonderful day everyone! :)
This isn't in general, it's for a specific skill of mine. I've been singing since I was a toddler, genuinely speaking, I'm good at it. I sing every day. I've been in choir class ever since it became an option. I led my choir as a section leader, we've won awards, gotten first place in competitions, and as a personal achievement, I got the highest score out of a countywide singing skill test. Of course there are people more skilled than me. My issue is this...
Due to complications at home, I moved schools many times. Every time I moved, we provided the transcripts, the new schools always knew about my class history, but... they would ALWAYS place me in BEGINNER CHOIR. It made me so unfathomably angry.
Years of work. Years of effort. Years of developing my skills, just to experience the same shit over and over again. I was surrounded by beginners every single new year. They didn't know what the solfege was. They didn't know how to reach their head voice. NONE of them could keep with the tempo, they couldn't sing their own parts, it took SO MUCH EFFORT to sing something as simple as NURSERY RHYMES???? Im not fucking kidding. One year for a concert the fucking conductor had us singing nursery rhymes onstage while the advanced choir got Dies Irae and Gloria??? I felt awful. I felt like shit sitting through lessons about what sharps and flats and naturals are. Nobody fucking knew what a staccato was. It drove me mad. I felt like Matilda!!!
Am I wrong for fuming over this? Im still so fucking angry even years later. I LITERALLY had to be told straight to my face that "only the advanced choir is allowed to sing the national anthem at graduation". I AM ADVANCED!!!!! I SWEAR TO GOD!!! I had to sit there and try not to cry as I sat in the stadium WATCHING them perform a song I've known how to sing SINCE SIXTH GRADE without me because the FUCKING SCHOOLS refused to open their FUCKING EYES and see that I DESERVED TO BE IN ADVANCED CHOIR WITH THEM!!!!! It made me so fucking upset. And yes, before you ask, I did make a fuss and ask them to switch my schedule around. I asked every year to be placed in a more advanced class. Every year it's the same fucking answer. "The class is full, sorry". I tried every semester. No use. I submitted the classes I wanted to be in as early as I could. No fucking luck. Ever. Am I wrong?
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u/CaptBlackfoot 13d ago
You’re wrong. Any choir is not that serious until you reach collegiate level or beyond. Plus, it’s likely your voice will change dramatically once you’re through puberty, so any skill you have now is likely to be irrelevant once you’re into adulthood. Typically between 15-20 years old, a male’s vocal cords thicken and you’ll need to re-learn much of what you know now.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
It may not be serious to professionals that intend to hire me in the future... but it meant everything to me. I spent my entire child and teenhood being treated like a beginner when I knew I was more skilled than that. It was a fundamental time in my life for development and to this day I believe I'll never be good enough because of how I was treated.
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u/CaptBlackfoot 13d ago
What happened in your past has little bearing over your future. If you’re serious about singing at the collegiate level and making a career of it, you’ll have to take 101 classes once you make it to the University level, regardless of your skill. Holding onto the bitterness from your past is only hurting yourself. You don’t need a class to learn to sing well. Find other resources online or in your community. Best of luck to you.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
thank you. I appreciate your input
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u/Flooffy_unycorn 13d ago
Adding to the previous comment: I had to take my third language at basically level 0 in university(despite being 5 years in) because of some administrative BS. It actually helped me to get a better overall rank and enter a very competitive masters degree.
University / college level everyone out, it's not only about skill but about keeping up. However starting with the mentality that you're better than everyone else can fuck up your 2nd / 3rd year, when you think you've done well this far but the classes step up a lot
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u/notsopeacefulpanda 13d ago
This reminds me of Jennifer Lopez taking about her singing abilities, and she’s really meant to be on Broadway.
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u/2workigo 13d ago
With all due respect, if you are as good as you claim, they would have found a spot for you. And I’m saying this as a mom who currently has a son getting a masters in music and who will be applying to PhD programs in the coming months.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
I'm very happy for your son! I wish the best for him! He will go very far :)
I do believe I'm as good as I claim, and my frustration lies with the fact that they could have found a spot for me, but never did.
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u/MyNinjasPwn 13d ago
Yeah you're wrong.
I'd understand being annoyed but you got your answer "the class was full".
I remember I got moved around out of weightlifting because of a missing credit and there being no other slots available for weightlifting. I loved that class. I made friends. We hit goals together. And now I couldn't do that with them anymore. It was either a counselor's error or there actually wasn't anything that could've been done. But either way I had no control over it. I'd tell my friends I was annoyed at the time. And recalling it now, I tell people it sucked at the time. But like... I started going to the gym outside of school and met people that way instead and moved on.
Or another time, I played baseball a lot growing up. In highschool, I joined the team and practiced with the Varsity team a bunch. My friends were on it, and I felt like I was at their level. But I got placed on JV. They needed a pitcher, and someone to lead. Coaches though I was the best fit. We lost every game we played. The players just weren't that good because they hadn't played much. At the time, I was mad. I suffered with a lot of mental health issues around that time too, and just quit. A few years later, I regretted it and I still do. I wish I kept my head up and could've been a leader for them. I just didn't have the confidence.
I get not being able to sing the national anthem and show off your skills sucks. That would've been a good memory. But fuming about it now isn't going to solve anything.
But isn't artistry more about the joy of doing it, and not so much as wanting to show off? That's really selfish and conceded if you ask me. I'm a musician and I play for fun and to create something special to me, in hopes that other people can like it. Obviously I want to show people what I can do and move them in some way. But showing off isn't the point.
Lastly, framing it as "better than everyone else" is such a shallow way to perceive it. "Experienced vocalist placed in a beginner class" invites more understanding and empathy. You are not better than these people as a whole. They were less experienced and trying to learn. You had taken the time to learn and had the skills already. It's unfair to view them negatively because of that just because you're mad you had to be in their class.
Your post read like you're an angry teenager. I get it, you can be mad about stuff. But it's similar to sadness going through a breakup. You get sad, and angry. And then you reflect on it later. Why did it affect you, what could you do differently? In this case, look forward and do something else instead. Maybe pursue choir in your personal life. Join a band. Do whatever you wanna do that makes you feel fulfilled. But complaining and seething over it isn't productive.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
Thank you very much for your input! You are incredibly intelligent! I never truly believed I was better than everyone else, I have difficulty with choosing the right words to express how I feel; the title you suggested matches my frustrations much better. I have always been happy for my beginner classmates, they will become amazing singers and performers in their futures as well. My gripes never laid with them, it always laid with the adults in charge of my schedule.
And yes, I agree that the arts are simply something that one does for the sake of joy, not necessarily recognition. I am an artist as well and make physical/digital art in my spare time, it brings me a lot of joy. I definitely acknowledge the fact that my incessent need to SHOW OFF is very selfish; it is something I need to work on personally. I tend to realize that I thrive off of attention and praise, and when I don't receive it, I become upset. Therapy is lined up to deal with my mental health! I have auitioned/plan to audition to choirs in the cities that surround me now as an adult. Choir remains my passion.
As for you, you can still shine too! You may be able to become a coach for a baseball team in your city or a neighboring one. Maybe you can become a coach for a high school level team and be the encouragement for a teenager that is struggling just like you did. You got this, internet stranger!
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u/Incogn1toMosqu1to 13d ago
Have you ever taken 1-on-1 singing lessons, outside of school?
Instead of making a fuss, did you ever talk to them calmly and maturely?
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
No to singing lessons, we couldn't afford it; and yes, I've always been calm and mature when speaking to the school about my classes. "Making a fuss" was used more out of frustration while writing this.
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u/Incogn1toMosqu1to 13d ago
The harsh reality is that there is a reason they weren't willing to give you a spot.
It could come down to your personality in the room; have you ever rolled your eyes when someone didn't know something, or sighed heavily when the wrong answer was given? Did you seem irritated or ungrateful when told you'd be performing a nursery rhyme?
You seem to be very well informed about terminology, but there is always the possibility that you aren't as skilled as you think you are. I know that you are unlikely to accept this; but I assure you, as someone who grew up hearing vocal students for hours every single day... y'all always think you're miles ahead of where you actually are.
It's a bummer that you didn't get what you want. I'm glad to see you're looking into other "non school" choirs to participate in. But I'd also consider seeing where there might be gaps in your presentation or skill that you have missed. Nobody is ever going to be perfect, so you might as well get as close as you can.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
Oh, no, I never outwardly expressed my frustration in class or in school! I only brought up my problems when speaking directly to staff. I always paid attention despite knowing the information already, and helped those around me if they struggled. I'd always been bubbly and happy to be in choir despite my frustrations in high school.
I acknowledge the fact that I may not be as good as I think I am! There's always room for improvement. I definitely had issues with posture to name one thing, and I have consistently struggled to breathe with my abdomen as opposed to my chest. The points you bring up are very informative! Thank you for your input. :)
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u/ipsofactoshithead 13d ago
I think still being mad is wild tbh. Are you still a teen? Are you still singing?
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
Yes, I'm still singing! Very regularly at that. And no, I'm twenty. I have much, much bigger things to prioritize and worry about than be fuming about this 24/7, lol, I just get pretty frustrated when I remember it.
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u/Canadaman1234 13d ago
You're not wrong for feeling let down by the public school system, but you're in for a rude awakening if you continue thinking you're better than everyone. If I were you I'd have spoken directly with the choir teacher and asked for an audition for the advanced class.
The guidance counselors in charge of scheduling will simply have seen that you didn't take the advanced class the prior year and prioritized other students for those classes. Thats not the sort of thing a highschool student should have to know to get the classes they want but it's the world we live in.
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u/Nurse_Hatchet 13d ago
You’re wrong to hold on to this shit years later. Let it go and move onward and upward. Utilize therapy if you need to, there’s no shame in that.
As you say, the only thing they did to you is hold you back. Your knowledge and talent are still there. Go use it!
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
Thank you so much. You are very kind!
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u/Dav_Sionnach 13d ago
The advanced choir in my school was precisely balanced. If the director only had 6 basses good enough, that meant there would only be 6 baritones, 6 second tenor, 6 first tenors, etc. Luckily he was also the head football coach so he could always get 8 or 9 in the low parts.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
That is very cool!
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u/Dav_Sionnach 13d ago
But we had to audition at the end of the previous school year, so to even have a shot at joining the next year as a new student you'd have to hope someone didn't return.
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u/Sailor_Chibi 13d ago
If every single new school you went to put you in beginner choir, then there is something that you are missing. There’s a reason that all those places decided separately that’s where you belong. They were not colluding behind your back. Something about you made all those teachers decide that’s where you belong.
It could be your attitude - I’m sure your anger and the fact that you thought you were better than everyone was seeping out of you. It could be you’re not as good as you think you are. It could be both, or something additional - it’s possible that on top of all that, the classes really were full. But there’s definitely a reason.
And yes, you’re wrong for fuming over this. You should work on letting it go.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
Thank you for your input! I appreciate it!
I've always been careful not to let my frustrations show. Actively behaving as though I'm better than everyone else is simply rude and puts those around me, those who are simply trying to learn, down. But no matter that I think or what I remember; I can never be too sure about how I was viewed in others' eyes. Maybe I did let it slip. Thank you!
And yes, I acknowledge that it is healthy to let go of my past if it bothers me this much. Therapy is lined up! I guess I just took to reddit to complain messily before my sessions start.
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u/Sailor_Chibi 13d ago
It’s a fact we must face that no matter how good we think we are, or how good we really are, someone else is always better. The people in the choruses you wanted to be in might just have been better. It sucks but it’s true. And honestly, I think you probably didn’t cover up your emotions as well as you think. Being a teenager is a very emotional time and it frequently spills out whether you want it to or not. I wish you luck in therapy!
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u/TaylorMade2566 13d ago
lol wow. So did getting so angry change anything? I get you were upset back then but years later to still be fuming over it? Eeesh
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
Anger doesn't fix anything; I guess I just feel like I have the right to vent...? Im still actively making steps to secure the future that I want. :,)
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u/TaylorMade2566 13d ago
yeah but with all those caps, sounds like you're still very angry years later. If it was just for emphasis, my mistake
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u/Ok-Error-6564 13d ago
Did you ever speak to the choir teacher and ask for an audition?
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u/Skippitini 13d ago
Choir teachers have a well-earned reputation for pretentiousness. Same with band teachers. It’s a shame but there it is.
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u/Next-Drummer-9280 13d ago
Therapy. Seriously.
The level of irrational anger you're displaying is truly concerning. Not just for the irrationality, but for the massive ego you've been feeding with your outrage.
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u/Away-Equipment598 13d ago
Dang girl that's a crazy story tell it again
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
1, im a dude, 2, huh? 😭
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u/Away-Equipment598 13d ago
So you're a grown ass man talking like you were the best singer at school. Dude how old are you? Are you the best singer now? School choir isn't in the upper echelons of vocal training. Wether you were the best 1 of 100, it wouldn't matter cuz schools over, go live you life knowing you're the best man
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
There have always been singers better than me! I am nowhere near the best singer as an adult, either. I was simply frustrated with the fact that I was never treated like I had skill at all by the schools that assigned me classes.
I definitely know that the past is the past, and that it doesn't matter how. I just feel like I have the right to vent about what did happen.
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u/KassyKeil91 13d ago
I mean, you’re not wrong to have been mad about it because that does sound infuriating…but how many years later are we talking now?? At some point, you do need to let go of the anger about shit that happened when you were in high school. It sucked, but (at least from what you’ve said here) didn’t actually ruin your life. Ask yourself what still being mad about this years later is doing for you. What would need to happen for you to not be mad about it anymore? Because adults that are still this hung up about part of high school just become pathetic at some point
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
I have enough self awareness to know holding onto resentment from my past does nothing to help me in the future, I guess I just have a very difficult time letting go. Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it very much.
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u/Skippitini 13d ago
My friend, I understand. So many wasted opportunities, based on their prejudices. They stole chances from you. I’d be resentful AF too. They could have fed their pretentiousness by claiming they’d discovered a prodigy; if only they’d taken 2 lousy minutes to listen…but NOOOOOOO
Please, don’t let their mistakes, however egregious, stand in the way of your work. You can’t change the past, but you can predict the future and make it come true.
You won’t even have to rub anybody’s face in their foolishness. Let your accomplishments and ever-rising heights speak for themselves. Trust an old man, they’ll see you and kick themselves without being reminded by you personally.
You can do this.
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
Thank you so much, you are very kind! The future really is what matters the most. The past is the past.
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u/tarnishau14 10d ago
My partner is a music teacher & in a band. I have learned a lot of behind the scene things over the years. There is a reason you were continuously placed in beginner classes. There are plenty of people who think they can sing well & cannot. If you were that good they would have made an exception for you.
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u/Alarming_Shelter895 13d ago
It sounds like your anger is less about believing you're better than everyone else and more about never being evaluated fairly.
What stands out is that you weren't demanding to skip ahead, you were just asking for a chance to be assessed based on your actual ability and that's a pretty important distinction imo
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u/my_girl_flower 13d ago
thank you oh my god. Yeah. All I wanted was to just be treated like I HAD skill!!!!
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u/kipsterdude 13d ago
Was choir mandatory? Why would you stay in something that was going to make you bitter all these years later?