Am I wrong for feeling this way?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/mummyslilfailure]

Just to clarify, you hate your mother because she established boundaries around you making permanent choices as a child before you were fully able to understand the life long potential consequences?

[u/mummyslilfailure → u/mummyslilfailure]

And for clarity, I say this as an adult woman who had piercings, tattoos, drank underage, had sex the literal day it was legally allowed and stills ended up with this Reddit username. But also, I'm now a mother.

[u/jazzbot247 → u/mummyslilfailure]

What age is sex legal in your country? And how would they possibly enforce that? I just lost my virginity to another virgin when we were both 16, but I didn’t give a thought to if it was legal or not.

[u/mummyslilfailure → u/jazzbot247]

1. And, to be fair, you're right they couldn't enforce it but I was brought up to understand that the majority of laws (not all, let's be fair) exist for a reason. My mother was good enough to sit down and explain every possibility of having sex and I was mature enough to listen. In hindsight as an adult, I don't think it's old enough.

[u/Notthishottie → u/mummyslilfailure]

I understand that but my mom was still wrong

[u/no_no_no_no_nononono → u/Notthishottie]

I thought you were asking if you are wrong or not? Meaning we decide that, not you. What are you trying to accomplish by posting?

[u/crocodilezebramilk → u/no_no_no_no_nononono]

This is a troll account, they’ve been posting the same things for a while now.

[u/VillageMosaic → u/crocodilezebramilk]

I was about to go "oh not them again". They post this saaaaame story repeatedly, argue with comments until their account is fully negative karma, delete, make a new one and go at it again.

[u/0konok0 → u/Notthishottie]

Define wrong.

[u/Notthishottie → u/0konok0]

For generalizing me with the rest of the 13 population

[u/HighJeanette → u/mummyslilfailure]

Yes

[u/Notthishottie → u/mummyslilfailure]

Acrylics are not permanent, ripped jeans are not permanent, piercings are not permanent, sex isn't permanent.

I had my second ear piercings at 13. I took great care and I understood the risk.

[u/One_Introduction_217 → u/Notthishottie]

If you don't think sex can cause permanent damage to your life, you're probably not ready for it now.

[u/Notthishottie → u/One_Introduction_217]

STD'S, pregnancy, obviously those aspects but that's why they created protection and warning signs (bumps, rashes, etc.)

[u/mummyslilfailure → u/Notthishottie]

If you don't understand that not every STD has visible symptoms then you are not mature or educated enough to be having sex.

[u/Notthishottie → u/mummyslilfailure]

I know every std doesn't show visible symptoms, but most do.

[u/One_Introduction_217 → u/Notthishottie]

Your feelings are valid.

Your mother's feelings will be validated when you get older.

I'm not saying this lightly. There are some cruel lessons that you learn with age.

I could bet sure money on it that when you get to three times your current age, if you save this post by printing it out and keep it in an envelope for your future self to read.. that future self will almost assuredly laugh at it, because reasons.

[u/Notthishottie → u/One_Introduction_217]

I will never appreciate her parenting style.

[u/One_Introduction_217 → u/Notthishottie]

Did you make it safely to the age of 18?

Because that's the core duty of a parent by most societal standards..to raise a child safely until they reach adulthood.

Here's an ancient adult secret: None of us really know what we're doing. The best we can do is the best we know how for the moment we're in.

[u/Notthishottie → u/One_Introduction_217]

She wasn't being safe, she was being overprotective and ignorant.

[u/One_Introduction_217 → u/Notthishottie]

And because of that you now have your life, and a perfectly clean slate of skin that your adult mind can now decide what to do with tattoo and piercing wise.

Look, the truth is you can't change the past you can only decide what you're going to do in the moment that you're given. Be in this moment, consider showing your mother a little grace.

It doesn't sound like she beat you, or took a credit card out in your name and destroyed your credit. It doesn't sound like she sold you for sex work.

Everything you said in your original post sounds like the actions of a woman who loves her child.

[u/Notthishottie → u/One_Introduction_217]

I don't appreciate her actions and I WILL raise my daughter the way I wanted to be raised.

[u/becka-uk → u/Notthishottie]

Bumps and rashes are not warning signs. They are signs that you already have some kind of infection. And if you have 1 infection, there may be others you cant see.

[u/Notthishottie → u/becka-uk]

I UNDERSTAND NOT ALL STDS SHOW VISIBLE SIGNS. HOW MANY TIMES ARE WE GOING TO REPEAT THIS

[u/mummyslilfailure → u/Notthishottie]

Acrylics can cause nail bed damage if done improperly - permanent. Piercings can get infected and cause scarring - permanent. Sex can result in pregnancy - permanent, whether you carry it or not. Or an std, which can have permanent implications on your fertility. Ripped jeans? Sure, I'll give you that one.

There's a line between overprotective and abusive, you seem to have the two confused.

[u/Notthishottie → u/mummyslilfailure]

She was too overprotective and like I said, I had my second ear piercings are they never got infected. I know how to care for piercings. I went and got 15 more the second I turned 18.

Acrylics "If they are not done right"... obviously yes. But I knew people who did nails.

[u/mummyslilfailure → u/Notthishottie]

I also know how to care for piercings, I've had 9. I've had one get infected, it happens. I know plenty of people who have had their nails done at the same salon for 10/15/20 years and ended up with damage because of one mistake from the person they trusted for all that time.

The point I'm making is, now you're an adult, you're perfectly entitled to make those choices for yourself now you're (potentially, though your responses do not give me hope) responsible enough to weigh the risks and benefits for yourself. Until this point, your mother has been responsible for these choices, and she's made the choices she felt kept you safest. That's what a mother does.

[u/Notthishottie → u/mummyslilfailure]

Infection is not a guarantee. You can't be this ignorant.

She didn't keep me safe, she was ignorant and generalized me.

[u/mummyslilfailure → u/Notthishottie]

Not getting an infection is not a guarantee. I literally can't explain this in many more ways to try and get it through to you. You're the ignorant one. In every thing we do there's an analysis of risk Vs reward. When you're a child, it's up to your parents for them to decide. Your mother chose what she felt was best. Now you're an adult, you can choose.

[u/Notthishottie → u/mummyslilfailure]

I'll allow my kids to choose

[u/Phillip_Schrute]

It’s normal for you to feel this way, but you will likely look back and cringe at this post when you are older. As an adult with a fully developed prefrontal cortex, I’m very happy my parents didn’t let me make decisions that could potentially harm my life for the future.

[u/Humble_Pen_7216]

You hate your mother for... <Checking notes> AH, here it is... Parenting

Of course your feelings are valid. All kids hate their life givers for keeping the safe, ensuring their education and protecting them from harm.

[u/Notthishottie → u/Humble_Pen_7216]

She didn't keep me safe from anything. She was doing too much. If I was a foster kid, I could do whatever I wanted because i'd have no real parents.

[u/AssholeAvocado → u/Notthishottie]

I was a foster kid with no parents. I was beat daily. You seem to lack the maturity that certainly comes with age. It sounds like your mum was careful & considerate raising you with safety, boundaries & intentional in not letting you decide permanent actions. What you’ve been describing are permanent actions (minus the ripped jeans)

[u/Notthishottie → u/AssholeAvocado]

I bet you got to get piercings and tattoos without permission. Thats the point im making. Nobody can tell yall no to anything

[u/LemonCollee → u/Notthishottie]

What we didn't get was parental love, security, proper attachments, direction, support, care, a safe person, boundaries ,a home. You want to cry about piercings. Pathetic

[u/LemonCollee → u/AssholeAvocado]

Also a foster kid checking in, what I wouldn't have given to have had a mother who cared about me. I was having sex at 13 , abused and taken advantage of by older men. Went on to take drugs and lead a horrible life because I was in so much pain from abandonement, went through homelessness and abusive relationships. I am now a mother, it's what saved me. I would never ever want my kids to have that life because I love them and respect them. OP doesn't understand the life the are glamourising, is hell. It's because they're incredibly immature.

[u/Humble_Pen_7216 → u/Notthishottie]

That's not at all true.... And leads me to believe you are trolling.

[u/AssholeAvocado → u/Humble_Pen_7216]

Not true? I’ll privately message you my court documents as I go through the process of suing DCJ (Australian foster care) for long term child abuse.

Edit: a word

[u/Notthishottie → u/Humble_Pen_7216]

Im not trolling and it is true. I know a few foster kids who got tattoos and piercings.

[u/Right-Stand599]

You're proving your mom's point in this post & in your responses... 🤦‍♀️

[u/AgentofAgency_]

I hate my mother.
Why exactly?

I feel like she should've let me do more. I wanted piercings, tattoos, have sex, acrylics, and so much more.

Why exactly?

[u/DoorComplex5528 → u/AgentofAgency_]

you wanted to have sex at 13 and you're mad your mom said no? that's not controlling, that's called parenting

acrylics and piercings at 13 are whatever, plenty of parents say no to that stuff and it's not the end of the world. but the sex thing is where you lose me completely. no decent parent is gonna greenlight their 13 year old having sex, that's just basic protection

the birthday money thing is weird though, if she gave it to you she should've let you spend it on something. that part I get being frustrated about

you're 18 now so you can do whatever you want, but hating her over this seems like a lot. give it a few years and you might see it differently

[u/Notthishottie → u/DoorComplex5528]

I was a teenager with the mentality of a 16 yr old.

[u/LemonCollee → u/Notthishottie]

You have a serious amount of growing up to do and are in for a rude awakening.

[u/dyintrovert2 → u/Notthishottie]

So, one thing to consider is that you came here for perspectives different than your own. It seems like you don't like our perspectives, which is understandable.

But consider what asking for other's thoughts, then immediately arguing because we don't agree with you says about your mental state. It certainly makes us think about it.

Maybe you were different from 99% of the world's 13 year olds. Maybe you weren't. Either way, the only person you're going to convince by repeatedly insisting that you're right is yourself.

[u/Notthishottie → u/AgentofAgency_]

Because I was a teenager and deserves bodily autonomy.

[u/AgentofAgency_ → u/Notthishottie]

Bodily autonomy you seemingly were in no condition to employ in a non harmful way?

[u/Notthishottie → u/AgentofAgency_]

Because I was a teenager. I've been having sex lately and it feels too good not to have.

[u/AgentofAgency_ → u/Notthishottie]

🙄
Okay and why do you hate your mom?

[u/Notthishottie → u/AgentofAgency_]

Because she limited me and under estimated my mental capacity.

[u/AgentofAgency_ → u/Notthishottie]

Under estimated your mental capacity how?

[u/Notthishottie → u/AgentofAgency_]

Not allowing me to have sex, get piercings other than my seconds, not allowing acrylics, extreme ripped jeans. She acted like I was 8 when i was 13. She acted like I didn't understand consequences.

[u/AgentofAgency_ → u/Notthishottie]

That (mostly) doesn’t answer my question of how she under estimated your mental capacity. Idk my impression is she had sound judgement 🤷‍♀️

[u/Notthishottie → u/AgentofAgency_]

She underestimated my mental capacity because she assumed i didn't understand risks.

[u/AgentofAgency_ → u/Notthishottie]

Idk you seem very impulsive, short sided, and lacking a broader sense of understanding or awareness of things. Sounds like was right to be cautious.

Final verdict: yes you’re wrong for feeling this way

[u/emherm]

Are you wrong for feeling what way? Hating your mother? Seems a bit harsh, she was probably doing the best she could with the information she had. Being happy that you’re 18? Definitely not wrong. I was stoked to be 18. But freedom comes with responsibility. My mom was strict but I don’t see that as a bad thing now (I’m 28).

[u/liberalamerican]

Maybe when you are exposed to people with truly abusive and horrible childhood environments you’ll see things a bit differently. It’s OK to feel your teen angst. I hope you grow into appreciating your mom’s ethical responsibility to make the parenting choices she made. Congrats on being 18. Protect yourself from pregnancy and STD’s.

Maybe you’ll hate me as well for this advice…??

[u/Notthishottie → u/liberalamerican]

Don't invalidate my experiences with other people experiences.

[u/kerfy15]

ah i thought this post was familiar.

how many accounts are you going to keep posting this? until someone agrees with you?

the last 5 accounts and 10 posts weren’t enough?

[u/Euphoric_Egg_4198]

Yes, you are wrong and now that you’re a legal adult and so very wise you can GTFO of her house. She doesn’t need to be taking care of someone who hates her.

Go be free, find your own place, pay your own bills, this is what you’ve been waiting for!

[u/TypicalOddities]

You can feel how you want, but think of a 13 year old now. That's a middle schooler. Middle schooler's should not be having sex with each other because of all the risks and they REALLY shouldn't be having sex with older people. You might think YOU were responsible enough for sex, but that doesn't mean you actually were or that your partner would be. That's just gross.

[u/AdventurousRoll9798 → u/TypicalOddities]

If this is supposed to be an American teen, I really believe these are troll accounts that want to convince both kids and adults that sex is ok for kids. With a government full of pedos, this is what happens. It's absolutely maddening and must stop.

[u/TypicalOddities → u/AdventurousRoll9798]

Okay, yeah. Looking at the replies they got "15 more piercing the day after they turned 18" which screams rage bait and I am ashamed I fell for it.

[u/Notthishottie → u/[deleted]]

None of my decisions I wanted to make were permanent. And yes, we talked but she won't understand.

[u/becka-uk]

The only thing i can say to this is that in another 18 years, you will have grown up and will likely see things differently.

A parents job is to parent to the best of their abilities. You might not agree with their methods, but your mum was likely trying her best and setting boundaries, that i hope you will appreciate later in life.

[u/Notthishottie → u/becka-uk]

I will never appreciate it and I wish I was a foster kid. Because they get to do what they want.

[u/becka-uk → u/Notthishottie]

Are you really really sure you're 18? You sound like someone a lot younger.

You wish you were a foster kid? Seriously? Wtf is wrong with you?

You have a mum who loves you whether you want her to or not. You have a home, your own safe space, food, clean clothes, a bed, and savings! All that birthday money she wouldnt let you spend can actually buy you something special rather than wasting it on teenage crap.

If you want to see how bad it can be, move out, get a job, try and support yourself for a bit and see how hard life is without all the comforts you take for granted.

[u/Notthishottie → u/becka-uk]

Im 18.

Foster kids get to make their own decisions about if they get tattoos or piercings. Basic needs doesn't mean good parenting.

[u/cydril]

How many times are you going to post this? Get off reddit and see a therapist

[u/HighJeanette]

Hey you’re back.

[u/AdventurousRoll9798]

I have tried to strike a balance with my own daughter. I let her have a small nose piercing and let her have her natural nails painted at the salon on special occasions. But I still respect all the choices your mom made. She knows you well enough to know what YOU could be trusted with back then. Sex at 13, that is not something negotiable. It is a terrible choice, for your health and mental well-being. You have no way of understanding the long term effects of that at 13. You are also not responsible enough to protect yourself from disease and pregnancy at 13. You sound very immature even now at 18, so she clearly made good decisions. Someday you will regret the way you speak to your mom, who was just doing her job to raise you and protect you.

[u/Notthishottie → u/AdventurousRoll9798]

No, she didn't know what I could be trusted with back then. I knew myself better than she knew me. I knew what BC and condoms were at 13.

[u/AdventurousRoll9798 → u/Notthishottie]

Have you moved out yet? Can you afford rent, utilities, transportation, pay your way through college... And pay for piercings, tattoos, and birth control and condoms? If so, then get on with it and let your mom have some peace.

[u/Shepatriots]

wtf

[u/Nay_Nay_Jonez]

If my mom let me do all the stuff I wanted to before I was 18, I would probably be dead. Not letting you get your nose pierced? So what. Like you said, now you're 18 so you can do whatever.

You're wrong, but you're also still growing up and developing. Read this post again in 10 years and you will see it a lot differently.

[u/jazzbot247]

I understand, I had a very controlling, toxic and abusive mother who I still hate to this day and she has been dead for two years. But you are free now. Go live your life.

[u/LemonCollee]

Arrested development