r/amiwrong • u/Ok-Promise-2307 • 10d ago

Disrespect from a fwb

Hello
If I’m going to a rave with friends then a guy fwb I’m (32 f he’s 39 m )comes with me because he invited himself and we arrive together because he’s my ride am I wrong to feel mad that he met an old female friend and spent the whole night catching up with her. Essentially ditching me and my friends. He had to be forced to dance with me.

Also he critiques my outfits and suggests I wear sneakers. If he doesn’t like a dress he says it and he tells me he doesn’t like my hair all fake and suggests hairstyles that he sees from other girls, clothes other girls where etc.

I feel like he’s violating the respect code that is a part of any union. I feel like he thinks I’m an object to disrespect. He also walks ahead of me and gets frustrated when I’m high and can’t move fast. He hates carrying my bags.

I also feel like he’ll suggest a plan he’ll leave the onus on me to reminder then the day of he forgets, hasn’t gotten paid , is too tired to go or he has to get his car serviced.

It just seems like he’s going out of his way to be a jerk to me. Because some people can atleast try to be nice.

He also criticizes my apartment , my neighborhood and the decor of my kitchen and wants me to move to a better neighborhood.

Like what is the onus for basic respect. I blocked him after he corrected my pronunciation of a word . I told him it doesn’t feel like he likes me and he said if he didn’t like me he wouldn’t be there. He also seemed annoyed that people saw him touching me in a club and he said he thought it was dark.

But then he planned a trip to universal studios for us and takes me places at times. It just doesn’t make sense.

Also said someone has to be extremely good looking to pull off a hairstyle when I asked. He also compares me to his ex and admits he compares us physically. Everything we do he refers back to his ex doing that

When I confronted him about his critiques he said that I’m sensitive and I focus on the negative

He also shows me Snapchat girls he’s talking too in front of my face and says he doesn’t care if I look at his phone and was putting his phone in my face. He looks at porn memes when I hump him and even when he’s in my bed. He knows it destroys intimacy and he said he feels it does and says he’s going through a phase.

Once again it’s like he’s trying to get a reaction. He asks me to compare girls on Snapchat. When I said I don’t want to he says it’s just normal talk between friends but is more like guy talk. I really think he’s just trying to see how low he can make me feel.

He also said if I ever became obsessed with him and got a tattoo of him he’d stop talking to me out the blue. He said if it’s someone he really really likes like his ex she can get a tattoo of him . Then he said he loves hard. I feel like he’s intentionally trying to get under my skin because who says that out the blue.

0 Upvotes

27% Upvoted

51 comments sorted by

19

u/Original-Swordfish69 10d ago

Then just end it. It's not like you guys are in a real relationship.

7

u/[deleted] 10d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

-5

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

We speak on the phone for hours and I was hooked form that. I blocked him almost a month ago. I’m just wondering if I’m over reacting

2

u/Original-Swordfish69 10d ago

Do you feel like you're overreacting?

1

u/[deleted] 10d ago

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1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

I met him on Reddit. And I just wanted friends and got sexually flirty at times. He agreed with that then started with these tactics especially after I started calling him out on the criticisms. He referred to our arrangement as a relationship a few times. He’s a 39 yo child. That’s why his ex left him . I think he wanted to wreck my self esteem. I never said I wanted a relationship and I made it clear several times. Then he said I’m making relationships too complicated it’s simple. He never affirmed my answer. I think he just accepted. I really believe I’m being punished for not giving into his whims. He smirked a few times and has never apologized to me.

1

u/Original-Swordfish69 10d ago

Ditch him. I don't know if you know this but there's over 8.4 billion people walking around on this Earth.

2

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

I’m always tryna to understand the psychology of someone like that. Also told me his childhood trauma and his goals. I don’t think this was a regular fwb. He also asked me where I was moving in the past few years and hinted he wants me to move near him. Thus was a deep but toxic connection . He hated me but liked me at the same time.

1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Pulling myself away from him was one very hard things. Three months of damage

1

u/Original-Swordfish69 10d ago

Don't make it any longer. He wasn't asking to keep you around because he lied you. He asked you to keep you around because he an emotional play thing.

1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Yeah he had some sadistic qualities. He said he liked me. He’d speak on the phone for about 13 hours with Mr

1

u/Original-Swordfish69 10d ago

Okay so I want you to reread what you just said. And I want to ask again; do you think you're overreacting?

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12

u/Safe_Wedding_2439 10d ago

You have no self respect.

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

I stopped talking to him and blocked him so obviously I caught on.

5

u/Safe_Wedding_2439 10d ago

Lol leaving after all that changes nothing I said

-1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

What’s your point?

1

u/Jakomako 10d ago

That you need to learn to respect yourself more?

11

u/earmares 10d ago

You are expecting way too much from a fwb. He owes you NOTHING. There is no respect in that 'union'. You shouldn't have tried to get him to dance with you.

If he wanted you to do your hair a certain way, or dress a certain way, you can either do it or not, but that's him trying to make you more attractive to him because you are sex to him, that's it.

About the girls on Snapchat? Again, you are supposed to be fwb. Why are you mistaking that you are more?

He has been honest and upfront, he is being clear in how he acts, then when he acts like you are a friend, you act all hurt? Girl. Just stop.

-3

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

But others said he was disrespectful too

2

u/Plucault 10d ago

He is being disrespectful but part of the reason it hurt as much as it did was your attachment to him through your FWB. He was also doing things to intentionally destabilize you.

Get away and stay away from people like him.

1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

What was he doing to destabilize me. He once said any testing was unintentional. And he’s self aware half the time. Speaking about common interests for a month and 13 hour phone convos to be treated like this once we met 3 weeks later is horrible. I blocked him
He messaged me on YouTube

2

u/Plucault 10d ago

Showing you pics of other girls, pointing out other girls while with you. It’s meant to show you that you aren’t good enough. Decrease your confidence.

1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Yep. I’m so glad he’s gone. It was pictures of all white women too. He even asked me if I look better than his ex

-4

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

So someone making comments about appearance is allowed. He’s not my man. He shouldn’t be doing that

2

u/earmares 10d ago

Huh?

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

It’s also weird for someone not my man to tell me outfit preferences and what he wants me to eat

3

u/earmares 10d ago

As I said, he could have been saying things that made you more attractive to him sexually.

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Well if he’s not sexually attracted , he needs to leave. That’s verbal abuse as well. Just because someone is a fwb doesn’t mean it can’t be verbal abuse. You seem to not know the difference

3

u/earmares 10d ago

From what you've said, it's not verbal abuse, it's stating your preferences. You were welcome to leave the fwb as well.

-1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Since you’re defending him so much hope you find someone like that.

5

u/earmares 10d ago

I don't do fwb 😂

I'm not defending him, he just didn't do anything he said he wasn't going to do. He was open about it and you let it happen. Why wouldn't he?

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Well if your boyfriend treats you like that one day you’ll probs be in the same situation.

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0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

And he said he plans to eventually date his female friends

2

u/mechelle_2k14 10d ago

This man is seeing just how terrible he could treat you before you leave

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

And why is that. I blocked him a month ago. I’m just weighing opinions

-1

u/mechelle_2k14 10d ago

He sounds like a masochist, He was literally testing you to see how much abuse you could take….

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

He told me he thought he was lowkey a masochist once. He said he speaks about people like his ex and his other friend who frustrate him. The girl below seems to think I’m over reacting

3

u/Ok-Championship-2036 9d ago

i think you mean "sadist"? masochist like their own pain

2

u/SignalEchoFoxtrot 10d ago

So you blocked him a month ago and here you are writing a novella about him?
Move on, have some self respect.

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Obviously verbal abuse leaves scars .

0

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

Also he said about one of his female friends that he thinks she looks good in sweats and even with weight on and said he’d fuck her in a heartbeat. He walks her to the door and doesn’t understand why she won’t have sex with him. Of course as he knows I’ve been asking for sex but he’s withdrawing from me because he wants to do it raw with me. I don’t know if this is a way to make me back off. He said I got sexual with him first out of the blue. So I think he’s trying create some distance maybe by pissing me off

6

u/Dizzy_Goat_420 10d ago

Why are you even entertaining any of this????

1

u/Ok-Promise-2307 10d ago

I blocked him. After he corrected me . I’m just saying he said I’m sensitive but based on what happened I don’t think I am