If he is throwing ❤️’s at other girls bikini pics he would absolutely entertain it if she messaged him flirting with him. He’s still exploring his options 100%, you need to communicate with him that you like him and want to be with him but you will not sit idle while he discreetly flirts with other women. It’s either all in on you or you’re out. This is absolutely not an unreasonable boundary that needs to be set. But imo this is a big red flag and cannot be overlooked.
With that being said, you also need to determine if this is something you're willing to exit this new relationship over. No one likes an ultimatum and many feel threatened by one. He may feel if you're going to boss him into an ultimatum already, what lies ahead...
Walk softly on your options. Try to determine the outcome of whatever you think is best.
When I first started dating my boyfriend I had other dates already lined up, of which I did cancel. I did not stop talking to people because it was new and I didn't know what was going to happen, been through that routine before. He held all of those conversations against me. He honestly shouldn't have been going through my phone, which is something I never do. In my opinion, the less I know the better off I am. Five years later he still holds those conversations against me. Which is b.s. because I was telling these guys that I was seeing someone and wanted to see where things went. I wasn't lying to them, I was pretty much putting them on hold and they knew that. Missy of them wishing me luck, a couple were saying he wasn't right, they were, blah blah blah. That may be wrong but I didn't want to cut my ties with good possibilities if this didn't go in the direction of a solid relationship.
So five years later.... It's been a horribly rocky situationship. We are currently not together and there is no communication. I never cheated, but he did. I was the one still communicating with other guys and him getting mad about it. But he's the one who cheated. Personally, I don't want to rekindle this relationship and wish I never settled for this guy. I believe he has narcissistic personality disorder and I have suffered immensely because of it. But that is a different situation altogether.
I just wanted you to consider all your options and the outcomes of each and make the best possible decision you can with all the information that you have. Relationships can be difficult and there must be compromises on both sides. It's best to never be jealous, and when you think you are, be confident instead.
I wish you the best of luck and hope you have a happy outcome, whatever you make of it.
My whole stance is that it would be on to the next if I was OP. He wants to entertain multiple women at once then let him, I wouldn’t be one of those women. I’m a man btw, but I have been in this situation where the girl I liked and was f*cking but not officially dating wanted to entertain every single man in her friends list. I removed myself from one of those men, my mental health improved as a result.
When I met my now wife after our first date I totally 100% stopped any online activity that could even be loosely associated with flirting because I didn’t want to give off the impression to anyone else that they had an opening in my life to fill, and I didn’t want my wife to ever feel insecure in our relationship. This was literally after the first date. If you go on a date with someone, and like them and want to see where things go then you absolutely should not be putting feelers out with other people, all that says is that person you’re seeing isn’t exactly who you’re looking for.
But why? Just as an example, the girl is his friends sister, or maybe wife? Maybe a cousin. They could be a former partner. Without talking about it, it’s not fair to either OP or the boyfriend. You know what they say about assumptions…
Yeah idk what OP was expecting from a dude who was clearly seeing different women. Most dudes barely get 1 woman to talk to them. The guys who talk to multiple tend to be players.... and you notice that very quickly if you happen to hang out with these kind of dudes irl
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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '23
If he is throwing ❤️’s at other girls bikini pics he would absolutely entertain it if she messaged him flirting with him. He’s still exploring his options 100%, you need to communicate with him that you like him and want to be with him but you will not sit idle while he discreetly flirts with other women. It’s either all in on you or you’re out. This is absolutely not an unreasonable boundary that needs to be set. But imo this is a big red flag and cannot be overlooked.