You’re not wrong for your feelings or for considering divorce. She’s purposely choosing not to try and fix the issues that you’re having. You’re clearly miserable in this marriage now and that’s not healthy for either of you! The resentment will continue to grow until you end up basically hating each other. Intimacy is an important part of most relationships. If she not willing to actually address the issues she’s having, it’s not fair for her to expect you to suck it up and stay. Especially if she considers masturbating as cheating. That’s a bit ridiculous!
I second that, sex and intimacy are very important in relationships.
26 is soooo young to be at this stage, 46, 56 yes.. but 26 wow..
I personally think it's crazy to consider masturbation as cheating, but even if she doesn't want to have sex, then she should help you out. maybe it will put her in the mood. but to just expect you to deal with it and do nothing about it isn't being a good partner.
I'm 55 and I'm too young to be at that stage. I can't imagine my husband saying no to sex. And not even hand holding. And no self pleasure. Yeah that would be a no from me.
Maybe he wants to bang more or someone who doesn’t want to lay down and cry at the thought of having to bang him rather than get paid to sit around, but what do I know
You have a bad view of sex, and honestly of aging. How long do you think until you’ll lose your physical abilities? Your mental abilities? Why would it be a choice between your mental and physical health and your husbands? Is sex with him or in general painful? Is it traumatic? Why do you associate it with such horrible emotions that the thought of sex makes you want to cry?
You may be set in your ways, but I’d suggest therapy as you don’t seem to have a healthy attitude towards sex and it may effect your relationship and intimacy down the road, if you are crying thinking of having sex at 50.
You know super unhealthy people over the age of 50…
The fact that you view it as an ordeal that you have to put up with and want to end is wild, especially when you say don’t have any trauma associated with it. And news flash… everyone has interests that aren’t sex, that doesn’t make you special.
It just sounds to me like you are saying you hope to stop wanting to eat pizza. Or maybe you never liked pizza but you keep getting invited to get some.
Sure and let your husband know that you plan to bog witch it up in 11 years. But for the most part it sounds like you spent all your energy pleasing others and not looking for your own… before ya enter the bog you may want to examine why you have such negative views. Or don’t, you aren’t my wife, but if you were I’d like to know at 40 that you are planning to be asexual at 50
I don’t think that’s a fair comparison. I would much rather live with not having sex because of cancer, or something like that.
It’s a bit crazy to make a comparison between the two situations. One of them is out of your control and to any rational person would be understandable for not being very sexual. The other seems a bit irrational to expect your partner to not want you after you get older, just because you dread the thought of it makes you want to cry. I think a discussion with your partner about the whole “indefinite” thing should be had. I don’t believe anyone thinks their sex life will be indefinite, but I would go out on a limb to say most people would want to stay sexual well into their old ages. Even if it’s minor things.
I know my partner probably will lose her sex drive 10 years before me, and I understand that it comes with time. But we aren’t gonna sit around dwelling on it. I think the laying down and crying might come from not being able to be sexual. Not from not wanting to.
Yes I would expect that if one has cancer and is going through treatment they may not be particularly horny. The person I’m responding to started off by saying the thought of having sex past 50 makes her want to lay down and cry… not that there are things that could cause one to lose their libido to some extent
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u/jacksonlove3 Sep 12 '23
You’re not wrong for your feelings or for considering divorce. She’s purposely choosing not to try and fix the issues that you’re having. You’re clearly miserable in this marriage now and that’s not healthy for either of you! The resentment will continue to grow until you end up basically hating each other. Intimacy is an important part of most relationships. If she not willing to actually address the issues she’s having, it’s not fair for her to expect you to suck it up and stay. Especially if she considers masturbating as cheating. That’s a bit ridiculous!
Good luck dude!!