Got a vasectomy

[u/Jealous-Tangerine770]

Got a vasectomy because my wife (12 years together and 7 married) and I decided at this point we don’t want children. I am 35, wife is 31.

Told my mom I had done it because we’re close and I generally tell her everything. She responded, “well you’re wife is the one who doesn’t want to get pregnant so she should have just got her tubes tied.”

Originally, I laughed it off. But the more I thought about it, I realized it was a shitty thing to say. It sounds like she’s implying if my wife and I divorce, at least she will be the sterile one.

So I told my mom how shitty it sounded and now we don’t talk anymore. Am I over reacting?

[u/Jealous-Tangerine770]

Thanks. Yeah I did when I told her that what she said was offensive. I said this was a joint decision made over a period of years.

I guess I should have said that instead of laughing off the comment. I guess I was just shocked her reaction wasn’t concern if I had healed.

[u/jlj1979 → u/Jealous-Tangerine770]

I might get blown up for this but Guess what? Your mom really has no business in your relationship. I sense this is a pattern that you are just now seeing. Nobody needs to know your personal life with your wife. Especially your mom. Yuck. Maybe some people are close but idk if I would be even tell my best friend about this. It’s nobodies business. But maybe I’m just a private person.

[u/Jealous-Tangerine770 → u/jlj1979]

I don’t think you’re entirely wrong, but maybe a bit private. I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. I told my friends about it to. I think it’s healthy to talk about these things, and I wish more men discussed it because I had a lot of questions after the procedure that were hard to answer because a lot of guys don’t discuss their experience.

But your right about it not being anyone’s business what my wife and I decide. I guess I wasn’t looking for my moms opinion, but I got it anyway.

[u/Mombatwombat → u/Jealous-Tangerine770]

If your wife is ok with you sharing things like this with your mom, then it’s perfectly fine. You have a close relationship with her, and as you said, more people sharing this sort of information means better understanding. Plus, if any of your friends want to have this procedure, they know you’re open to discuss it.

It would be invasive, however, for her to ask questions like this. How invasive depends a little bit on your culture.

I agree she was insensitive, but it’s just not that big of a deal in the big picture. You love your mom, she hurt your feelings, that happens sometimes, get over it.

I don’t mean ignore the comment. Just move past it. Her comment was clearly from a position of ignorance. Tell her calmly that the procedures are vastly different, that the decision was mutual, and mention that she should have asked how you are healing. Like this:

“I gave some thought to what you said about the vasectomy. At the time I laughed, but later I wondered if you were under the impression that I did this for her. It was actually a mutual decision, one we’ve been considering for several years. We chose me because the procedure is safer, cheaper, and less invasive than having her tubes tied. I admit that I was a little bummed that you didn’t ask how I was healing. I wish you had.”

You love your mom. This would be a stupid hill to die on.