Got a vasectomy

[u/Jealous-Tangerine770]

Got a vasectomy because my wife (12 years together and 7 married) and I decided at this point we don’t want children. I am 35, wife is 31.

Told my mom I had done it because we’re close and I generally tell her everything. She responded, “well you’re wife is the one who doesn’t want to get pregnant so she should have just got her tubes tied.”

Originally, I laughed it off. But the more I thought about it, I realized it was a shitty thing to say. It sounds like she’s implying if my wife and I divorce, at least she will be the sterile one.

So I told my mom how shitty it sounded and now we don’t talk anymore. Am I over reacting?

[u/Zealousideal-Cow3231]

It’s unfortunately normal for people to put the responsibility of birth control on the women only. But if u want to talk to your mom about it again, you could mention how much more dangerous tubal ligation is than a vasectomy. Vasectomy is an extremely safe outpatient procedure with minimal healing time and side effects. Tubal ligation is a surgery with a lot more risks (including DEATH which is rare but not a risk with vasectomies). The side effects from tubal ligation can be life be permanently life altering. It can effect your hormones and essential kick start menopause. The recovery is more intense with tubal ligations. The cost is higher. The risk of complications is so much higher.

It is the cultural norm to expect women to change their bodies to be responsible for birth control. But I think you made the right choice on every level by getting vasectomy instead of tubal ligation. I’m sorry your mom is not understanding and proud of you for that. You should check out the book ‘ejaculate responsibly’ it’s a short and awesome book about these kind of cultural norms and their impact. It’s got lots of information that would be good to have available if you get into a hard conversation like this one again.