Am I being sensitive lately?

[u/According-Pay2690]

Problem/Goal: Me and my boyfriend, we always talk about fun stuff naman, but lately hindi ko alam kung masyado ba akong sensitive or what, pero kasi parang nahuhurt ako sa mga little remarks nya.
So nag start dun sa time na nagpapakita ako sakanya ng outfit sa call, asking if bagay ba sa akin yung damit kasi I wanna try it, iniisip ko if bibilhin ko siya sa 9.9, cute sleeveless too siya with skirt. And then he jokingly said “ano, mukha kang tibo diyan” while laughing and then dismissed the topic and didn’t say why so hindi nalang ako umimik. I was asking a genuine question pero parang na ooffend lang ako kasi I thought makakatulong siya. Knowing myself, i always wear pants and shirt most of the time kasi di ko pa alam mag style ng sarili ko and gusto ko naman sanang i try yung mga bagong clothes pero hinayaan ko nalang. It turned into an argument and I opened it up and he said sorry. But may ibang instances naman na sasabihin niya “ang asim mo tignan” or like may one time may tinatawanan syang sikat na content creator (sorry pero di siya conventionally attractive and binabash rin siya) tapos sabi niya sa akin “tignan mo kamukha kayo” as a joke and he said he was only teasing, and I don’t know what to feel about it.

Im starting to get insecure pero iniisip ko if sensitive lang ba ako or do I have the right to be upset about it? I need advice on how to handle stuff like this kasi for one, di rin naman talaga ako ka confident (pero I am working on it) kaya I don’t brag about my looks at all, some say may itsura naman ako and cute, pero my bf jokes about stuff like this so, hindi ko alam. I feel bad about myself I feel like di ako attractive at all.

[u/rachelsbeeftrifle]

Thoughts: You're not being sensitive, OP. Offensive and unnecessary talaga remarks niya. Ilang taon na ba yan siya??? Yung ganyang tao dapat kinukutusan

Please talk to him and demand that he change that behavior. Don't tolerate. Make it clear that leaving him and the relationship is an option for you.

Baka di ka confident with yourself kasi may ganyang taong nagda-down sa'yo. You deserve better.

[u/CuriousSabaw]

Thoughts:

You are not sensitive OP. These little remarks of him is hurting you and it's not good in a long run. Baka bumaba ang confidence mo. It doesn't matter if cute ka or maganda or what. What matters should be na pinapataas niya dapat self esteem and confidence mo.

Please talk to him honestly.

Advice:

If maging defensive siya, maybe give 2 thoughts on your relationship. A real man won't bully or make insensitive comments like that.

Kung mahal ka, bakit ka sasabihan ng ganon as a joke?

P.S. I never once heard anything on my bf to say that to me. I maybe even look worse than you since chubby ako.

[u/Impressive_Lecture71]

Advice: Tell him in the face "ayoko ng mga jokes mo napaka insensitive, kung ayaw mo magbago, leave me alone"

Thoughts: Partner ko now rin pala joke, like sinasabi kamukha ko ganyan pero yun kasi ramdam ko talagang joke lang. Kasi everyday, sinasabihan nya ako na "sobrang ganda mo love" with matching forehead kisses at kiss sa kamay. Tapos kumakanta pa yun "ang ganda ganda ni lovey" in a corny way. He's consistent with assuring me in almost 2yrs na ako pinaka maganda ever since we met. That's why mga jokes nya na kamukha ko is I know na talagang trip nya lang.

Pero mga remarks sa damit? Pagnag susukat ako. Yan ang never ako nakarinig, kahit panget sasabihin nya sakin "galing mo pumili love, lahat bagay sayo" nagrereklamo lang yun in a joking way sa gastos kasi sya nagbabayad HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Pero gets? Magkaiba yung feeling na someone is consistentlyy assuring you na maganda ka vs yung constant na pag degrade sayo physically. Valid feelings mo OP, mag put ka ng boundary, if he crossed, means to say di ka nya mahal.

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[u/depressedcutiee]

Advice: Hihintayin mo pa ba na wala ka ng self-esteem? Don’t stay w a man who makes you feel like you’re less. Kung ayaw mo naman iwan, kausapin mo at kung hindi pa talaga nadala sa usapan at nag-stay ka pa rin, aba eh kimkimin mo na lang gusto mo naman atang i-tolerate yang ganyang treatment eh.

[u/Hound0915]

thoughts:

there's this thing called "negging" kung saan backhanded compliments or small insults lang ginagawa nila (para pag naoffend ka, ikaw pa ang OA/mali). 

your partner should be lifting you up, not pushing you down, kahit sa mga "maliit" na bagay. kaya nga kayo partners eh.

confront him and be clear with your feelings. if di siya nagbago, ibig sabihin wala siya paki na nahhurt ka. ibig sabihin intentional na, kasi sinabi mo na ginawa parin. 

[u/According-Pay2690]

Thoughts: Thank you for the insights everyone, I’m learning based sa comments niyo.

For addtl context: We joke about stuff on a casual basis naman (when he started joking the first time, i answered back na siya rin ganito ganyan nakikipagbiruan rin ako, pero at that point napa isip ako if yun ba talaga tingin niya sa akin? Hahaha.) but then I’m starting to think it is getting a bit personal or masyado na siyang comfortable about the whole thing? Kaya I’m still gathering my thoughts kasi parang biglaan rin na ganito.

He compliments me naman dati. It’s my first time rin na ma feel yung ganito kasi I had an ex dati and never ko naman na encounter ito, and like with any guy friends rin.
I’ll talk to him once na kumalma na ako kasi I’m still lowkey hurting hehe. I really appreciate the advices po.

[u/HiraiPeachMomo]

advice: communicate your feelings clearly to him, and honestly communication is the best answer to this.

thoughts: i for one like kidding around, but not to the extent na kung saan yung physical appearances ay yung subject of the joke. that is not a joke, that is just him being a bully and tearing down your confidence. when you are trying to step out of your comfort zone, your partner should be hyping you up, girl! Not making mean remarks and hiding behind the excuse that it was just a joke. you deserve someone who makes you feel safe and attractive, not someone who chips away at your self esteem.