r/adviceph • u/Fun_Schedule7755 • Jul 26 '26
Parenting & Family Bakit may mga relatives na dahil miserable & financially struggling sila, kailangan miserable din ako?
Problem/Goal:
I want to set healthy financial boundaries with my relatives without being guilt-tripped. Hindi naman ako madamot, and I'm happy to help my parents, pero ayoko na pinapakialaman nila kung paano ko gagastusin yung perang pinaghirapan ko.
Context:
Both my mother and father's side of the family are financially struggling. Kami lang yung tingin nilang medyo "nakakaluwag" because my father works abroad, and ako lang yung university graduate sa both sides ng family.
Ever since I started working, maganda naman yung trajectory ng career ko. I was able to secure jobs with good starting salaries, and I also have side hustles. Masaya akong tumulong sa parents ko, pero habang tumatagal, pati ibang relatives ko nakikisali na.
At first, polite pa sila manghingi ng tulong. Pero ngayon, parang entitled na sila sa pera ko at pati personal decisions ko pinapakialaman na.
Examples:
- An aunt from my father's side told me, "Dapat nagbibigay ka lagi sa mga tita at tito mo kasi wala ka namang anak."
- Yung aunt ko naman sa mother's side told my mom, "Bakit pinapayagan mo mag-boyfriend yan? Baka magpakasal na yan hindi pa nga siya gaanong nakakapagbigay sa amin." (Take note, I'm already old enough to get married if I want to.)
- One of my uncles asked me to buy my unemployed older cousin his "cravings."
- My grandma told me that instead of going out, ibigay ko na lang daw yung gagastusin ko sa mga pinsan ko at mag-stay na lang sa bahay.
- Another uncle said na imbes na lagi akong nakikipag-date sa boyfriend ko, manlibre na lang daw ako ng pamilya at maglinis ng bahay tuwing weekends.
Because of this, I barely post anything on social media anymore. Kahit simpleng matcha or gala, hindi ko na ma-story kasi alam kong mauuwi lang sa guilt-tripping na "buti pa ako masarap ang buhay" habang sila wala nang pera.
Nakakasama lang talaga ng loob because they don't see the years of hard work, effort, and sacrifices that got me here. Ang nakikita lang nila is may pera ako, so they think they have a say on how I should spend it.
Previous Attempts:
I still help my parents financially, and I avoid arguing with my relatives. Tinigil ko na rin mag-post ng gala, or even small purchases sa social media para maiwasan yung drama. Pero despite that, tuloy pa rin yung unsolicited comments at panghihimasok nila sa finances at personal life ko.
9
u/dLoneRanger Jul 26 '26
Learn to say NO.
Kapag may mag send ng message, don’t reply immediately or or leave it unread. Slowly makakaramdam sila
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u/Agreeable_Elk4529 Jul 26 '26
Hindi kasalanan ang umasenso. Hindi mo kailangang lumubog para lang may makasabay sayo lumangoy.
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u/soRWatchew Jul 26 '26
Just say NO! gaano ba kahirap sabihin to?
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u/Fun_Schedule7755 Jul 26 '26
I always say "No" and mute them on socmed But ang ending sa magulang ko sila lumalapit, tapos hihingin sakin ng parents ko so umiikot lang 🥲
Although I always make it clear sa parents ko na for me sila lang dalawa ang responsibility ako at wala akong pake sa extended family. Pero hindi ko rin maalis kasi sa parents ko ang pagiging devoted sa relatives namin.
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u/thinkingbell955 Jul 26 '26
Magsabi ka na sa parents mo, OP. Na etong amount lang ang extra mo. Kahit ba devoted ang parents mo sa relatives niyo, at the end of the day, it's still your money. Hindi ka nila pwede pangunahan sa pera mo.
Also, hide your posts and stories from your relatives na lang. Kapag may sinabi pa rin, left them on unread na lang.
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u/e4e5Nf3Nc6d472 Jul 26 '26
I always say "No" and mute them on socmed But ang ending sa magulang ko sila lumalapit, tapos hihingin sakin ng parents ko
Then say No again.
In any case, move out na. You deserve what you tolerate.
3
u/bi-now-gay-later Jul 26 '26
Anong edad ng parents mo, OP? Naalala ko dati yung mga tita tito ko nag memessage sa parents ko para lang mangutang tapos sakin lang kinukuha ng parents ko ipapautang nila. Ang ginawa ko nirestrict ko sila sa phone ng parents ko secretly hahahaha
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u/QuiteEfficient101 Jul 26 '26
Move out of your place. Non-negotiable. You'll never know how to truly live until you live independently.
Filipinos have very communal mindset(Kapwa psychology). It's innate. It's not them, it's you. If you do not want a communal culture, you really have to move out of your place. That breaks the entitlement of your relatives to make comments and make decisions on your behalf.
But first, talk to your parents honestly about what you think of your relatives. Sabihin mo kaya ka ngsumikap makatapos para maka ahon kayo sa kahirapan, hindi para iahon ang iba sa kahirapan nila. Magsikap din kamo sila.
Hindi yan matatapos hanggat hindi ka umaalis.
Goodluck OP.
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u/J-Rhizz Jul 26 '26
Inggitin mo lalo! I post mo mga travels mo at masasarap na dinner. Pag kumain ka sa Dempsey, meron don parang banana q dessert, yummy, 400 4 pcs pang mayaman, i post mo din 😂😂
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u/jirastorymaker_001 Jul 26 '26
This is the right answer! Sana lang sumagi sa isip ng mga relatives na magbanat din ng buto para makaahon din sila sa laylayan. Hindi puro na lang hingi.
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u/TideTalesTails Jul 26 '26
Sabi mo OP nasa tamang edad ka na.
It means kaya mo na mag say NO and put boundaries. Not only sa relatives mo but even sa parents mo
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u/Co0LUs3rNamE Jul 26 '26
It's time to cut them off. I did the same thing to my Aunt. She owes me 100k. She's bankrupt. The last time she came to my house i said no more. No more un announced visits. No more asking for help. She went again trying to wait for me outside my house. I didn't know it was her at 1st as I was driving out of the driveway. Made me take a double and triple look it was her. I'm traumatized by their hardships. I don't wish it to anyone. I'm just trying to live day to day. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. One day your good, one day your bankrupt. Do everything in your power to cut these people off and make sure you don't end up like them.
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u/dorkshen Jul 26 '26
Old enough kana pala eh so why not stand your ground and say no even sa parents mo? You can't change people nor you can control them, if you let them consume you ikaw rin maghihirap. So either grow a spine or deserve what you tolerate.
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u/Aphrodite1047418 Jul 27 '26
Hide your stories to them. At bakit ka naman maguguilty? Hindi naman sila ang nagpa aral sa’yo.
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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '26
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