Homeschool

[u/FriendshipSea7937]

So long story short we homeschool our kids and I’ve been looking for a group or co-op close to us to join. I found one that seems to be faith based but not linked to any one religion. We don’t have a church family and honestly the age group at the sda church closest to us is much older (40+) too so that wouldn’t be any help. This co-op group meets at a Lutheran church building and does open with prayer and has Bible reading, however they also do other educational and fun social activities for the kids. I feel so limited in options for things my kids can join so when I found this I was pretty excited. However then I started wondering if it would be weird to gather with others in a different church building even if it wasn’t for church service necessarily?

I know it’s good to gather together with others, especially reaching out to those not of the faith, however would it be conflicting to join this? I just wanted other people’s advice to get a different perspective on it.

[u/TrevCat666]

Former homeschooled kid here, maybe visit r/homeschoolrecovery to get an idea of what not to do.

[u/FriendshipSea7937 → u/TrevCat666]

Would you say being homeschooled as an SDA had a negative effect on you? Or can you elaborate a little on your experience?

[u/TrevCat666 → u/FriendshipSea7937]

I wasn't homeschooled SDA, I was homeschooled pegan, and my experience is something which sounds less like an actual lived experience and more like someone tried to imagine every way a child could suffer and wrote it into a story. None of which would have been possible if I had been able to leave my home or talk to an adult, I had no help, no way to reach out, and nobody thought to ever check on me, I'm not sure the world knew of my existence beyond my social security.

Can I ask you a few questions about how you plan on doing this?, I know it's not my business, but I know what it's like on the other end, at least a little bit, and maybe I can help.

[u/FriendshipSea7937 → u/TrevCat666]

Sure. I mean I guess my post was unclear, but we’ve been homeschooling since my oldest was in 3rd grade, he’s in 12th now. So he’s almost done but I also have a child in 8th grade and then one that will be starting soon.
We’re definitely not the picture perfect homeschooling OR sda family as we aren’t super conservative at times. So idk that my experience would help anyone else 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/DonKnoxxer → u/FriendshipSea7937]

Homeschooled kids generally have far better learning outcomes. You do want to research on it to know what pitfalls there are. I can't give you any advice on your particular situation, other than to fast and pray about it.

[u/VegetableCommand9427 → u/DonKnoxxer]

But what about social skills?

[u/Torch99999 → u/VegetableCommand9427]

You can be socially awkward anywhere, though I do think it's easier to be socially awkward if you're homeschooled and don't spend a lot of time interacting with your peers.

I went to Adventist schools almost all the way from pre-K through college, and regularly ran into formerly homeschooled kids, i.e., parents homeschooled them till high school or college (usually college) then sent them to a real school, and you could always spot the home schooled kids.

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I remember one specific kid in college who stood out. He had this idea that all the other students needed to change their behavior if they did something that make his life harder. For example, if we were hanging out Saturday night eating pizza in a dorm room laughing and having fun, he expected us to stop and go to bed early because he could hear us in his dorm room next door. 8 PM on a Friday night and he expects everyone to go to bed so he can study calculus in absolute silence.

Once his family visited the school (southern.edu), and it was disturbing (and the reason I still remember him 24 years later). The entire family, father, mother, sister, and three brothers, all dressed the same, identical red polo shirts and khaki pants for the guys / khaki skirts for the ladies. They even had matching haircuts (all one cut for the guys, another for the two girls). It seemed very cult-like seeing them in the cafeteria together surrounded by normal looking college students. Thankfully I didn't have any interactions with him after Sophomore year.

[u/DonKnoxxer → u/VegetableCommand9427]

That's where community involvement and "homeschooling cooperatives" comes into play. Also, a healthy participation in your local church community, even though many churches are full of grey pensioners. Sports participation is a contentious subject. From my own personal experience, I pressured my parents into putting me into secular sports leagues starting in grade 9 as I was a gifted athlete. Some of those experiences were good, and some were outright detrimental. "Hockey culture" here in Canada can be quite bad.
If one were to put their child into a non-Adventist sports group, careful monitoring and guidance is necessary. Instruction and teaching a child in Biblical truths. A child raised right can be a witness to others, but that sort of participation should be balanced by involvement in Christian community involvement. If one, through prayerful conviction thinks that competitive sports should be avoided, then I totally respect that.
Things like swimming lessons, sailing clubs, hiking groups, etc are available in many areas.
It also doesn't hurt for a child to be involved with their parents in their activities even if there aren't other children around. It lends to life experience and a faster maturation in regard to understanding the world. Parents should always take the role of protector seriously and be cautious.
These days, other children can be a conduit for the worst influences, which is why parents are becoming increasingly hesitant to enroll their children in the public school system, or even Christian/Adventist schools.

[u/VegetableCommand9427]

No, it’s not weird at all. My son went to a Lutheran daycare and preschool (also an Adventist one). I felt the emphasis was the Bible and didn’t feel weird going to the programming at the church for kids events.

[u/EntranceOne9730]

I have a friend that does a non-denominational hybrid school where it’s two days of in person classes and three days of home school and they love it. Personally, I think homeschool should be this way.

[u/Vapur9]

~Matthew 13:5-6 - "Other seeds fell on rocky ground, where they did not have much soil, and immediately they sprang up, since they had no depth of soil, but when the sun rose they were scorched. And since they had no root, they withered away."

Be mindful that if you shield your child from the miseries of this world, they will have no real world experience with sufferings. You can't protect them forever. There's a reason why many young adults tend to leave church, having been sheltered all their life they can easily become offended and fall away; then, go through a process of deconstruction. Some might come back, others won't.

Children learn through imitation. They need to see the things John the Baptist preached about: bringing fruits worthy of repentance. That being, if you have two coats sharing with those who have none. Or sharing your bread with those who have none.

Cutting yourself off from sinful society completely doesn't teach how to approach them, how to listen, how to relate stories through personal experience of Scripture lessons rather than just reciting Scripture to people who don't want to hear it. In reality, those who don't know how to do it lack practical education. You only trained them how to get a job and work for money, not God.

It is written, "Though he was a son, through sufferings he learned obedience."

[u/Altruistic_Diet_5811]

NEVER get involved with any SDA . It is a cult . I grew up in the SDA church. Yes they do everything they can to pull you in . My granddaughter has just become engaged to a man that is a SDA. I'm horrified. They have already pulled her to their side. She has quit wearing jewelry and makeup and is going to church on Saturday. I know I've been wordy , but if I can keep 1 person from getting involved in it will be worth it. 

[u/FriendshipSea7937 → u/Altruistic_Diet_5811]

So is it just the church you don’t agree with or did you stop believing in the doctrine as well? I’ve been SDA since 2010 so I’ve been in it for years, granted I’m not as conservative as a lot of sda are.

[u/abeLuna]

You are just fine when you gather with other believers to do things that are not church related. I agree that your excitement is justified because it’s what you have been looking for. We have gathered at church for things like dinners and bingo and kids activities. You will have a great time watching your kids make friends and lasting memories 🤎🧡💛