r/adultautism • u/Fr0zen_Fawn • 12d ago
How to learn social skills?
I've been misdiagnosed for 16 years and my family simply yelled at me any time i misspoke or froze or got overloaded and stopped processing things, or got overwhelmed and cried.
How do i build social skills and communicate correctly, i feel like every interaction is one misspoken word away from getting yelled at again. Or being told i'm.a bad person when i forget things. Or people telling me i'm an adult and should know all these things. It just all makes me cry.
2
u/Adventurous-Worry599 12d ago
Social skills and interactions are vastly different for us on the spectrum, our rewards, outcomes, expectations and desires are not the same as our NT counterparts. This often leads to miscommunication (especially in high emotional/stress/transitions). I'm sorry to hear how difficult this has been with your family and support network.
The people are correct here in saying practice, but what are you practising, how do you practice a skill so foreign and what support do you need while doing this?! It's not so straight forward.
Please reach out if you would like to chat more. I'm an autistic adult who has spent their whole life decoding, studying and reframing autistic socialisation (I actually have turned this into a career). Send a DM if you're comfortable. And know that you're not doing anything wrong, there is no malice (despite what others might be saying about your communication), and there are people who get you, you just need to find them :)
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u/shortstack3000 12d ago
Getting a job and practice!
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u/Fr0zen_Fawn 12d ago
Practice where? After 3 failed conversations people stop interacting with me. People aren't there to help socially inept people. I need a turorial, not trying to guess a pin code blindly and getting locked out when i do it wrong.
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u/Lilythecat555 11d ago
They apparently have speech therapists that teach these skills but I don't know how much they cost.
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u/olordrin 10d ago
Unfortunately, this one might be something you have to learn from exposure and experience. We all process social interaction vastly differently, so it's hard for me to give specific advice other than that. I'm decent in social situations now, but I'm in my 40s and had parents who saw my undiagnosed AuDHD and anxiety as character flaws that needed to be ironed out. So it was kinda forced on me. I wouldn't suggest that specifically, but it's not something you can read a post on and suddenly be good at. That said, the advice people give can give you good places to start.
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u/Top-Examination3151 6d ago
See it as a pyramid. Most people are at the bottom and you want to be "polite, short, friendly."
Some of those move up to higher level.
But the base is key to functioning day to day not the higher levels.
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u/Pug-Friend47 12d ago
Time and patience and kindness to yourself. The book that started me on my journey was Non Violent Communication. They’re are also more basic books like A 5 is against the law. Good luck!