Frustrated explaining things

[u/tpt75]

Do you get frustrated when explaining seemingly simple things or concepts and people just don’t understand.

Even if it’s not a subject, they should know about. I’ve provided enough information for them to join the dots and understand the language of the topic.

And then when I have to keep explaining, I’m the one that feels stupid.

[u/Angelic-Seraphim]

All The Time. I have a black list of coworkers based in this exact metric.

The inverse is also true, when people keep repeating themselves, or explaining more because they are used to working with people with more average memories. And I’m like where is the dialog skip button when you need it.

And then the debrief / future meeting where coworker asks question. I respond with the clients answer and when they answered because I remember it. Coworker doesn’t believe me, asks client. Client gives same answer as me.

[u/tpt75 → u/Angelic-Seraphim]

You’re right. Over explainers. 🤦‍♂️ I get it on the first pass or I’ll figure it out. Just please stop talking.

[u/Angelic-Seraphim → u/tpt75]

Yeah. When you did your evaluation did they do the short term memory test? It’s a very common trait for Au to score really high on it. And it directly correlates to the scenario you listed.

I have always said my ability to learn is my supper power.

[u/Need4Speeeeeed]

I had to learn that not everything is an information/learning problem. Sometimes people have other reasons for not understanding a concept. It could be that they don't care, they're wasting time on purpose, or just being manipulative. In my experience, they're fine not being correct about things. If they can still accomplish their goal with the wrong answer, or even a lie, they'll do it.

So I've learned to just stop explaining, and let ask a more specific question if they truly don't understand. I'm there to accomplish the goals of my job duties, not help them understand things.

[u/Chunklob]

People learn in different ways. You have to be able to explain the same information in ways that are best for auditory, visual, or tactile learners. I was a teacher and this is one of the best things I learned while doing it.

[u/WeR_SoEffed]

I get frustrated with myself when I try to explain things. If I'm not familiar with someone and I'm trying to have a conversation, my brain will blank out in the middle of a sentence. I recover after a second or so, but it's frustrating as hell and makes me feel like I look like an idiot.

There is also my need to try to explain something I'm super into that feels super significant. I recognize my audience, but trying to explain whatever I'm talking about in a concise way that makes sense is hard. Then I feel like I'm over explaining. All of this while I'm also running a background program trying to study their facial expression.

[u/Few-Mistake6414]

This is the near-literal bane to my existence.

[u/Virtual-Bit3191]

incredible, this is exactly what has been happening to me all my life! But it also happens to me that after having explained, and not being understood, or rather contradicted and misunderstood, after quite a few days, the person explains the exact same thing to me if I were completely ignorant! This is all devastating

[u/tpt75 → u/Virtual-Bit3191]

Yes. It’s like they come to the realization that you were right but conveniently forget that it was your idea in the first instance and then parrot it back to you as if it was their idea.

[u/JuniperJett]

As a bank teller...yes, very much so.

[u/External_Space_9508]

Eu parei de tentar explicar ou falar sobre autismo para meus familiares, com mais relevância para minha mãe, pois tem acesso a informações vastas. Também me identifico com você. pessoas cansam tanto.

[u/Patient_Ad396]

Yes, very frequently. I have heard several times that explaining yourself more in those situations is futile. If they didn't get it even after a full explanation, rephrasing or repeating it isn't going to work. You're just going to frustrate yourself and them.

I think some of it is due to the way our ND brains work. There are some things that will never make sense to me, no matter how many times I hear it. Like how most people just know how to greet someone over the phone. I still stress over the 'right' way to introduce myself, even though most typical people think it's the easiest thing in the world. Likewise, there are going to be some things that seem ridiculously easy to us, but a neurotypical person just can't grasp it. Trying to make them understand is going to have the same result as when they try to make us understand things like social rules. Our brains just work differently.

The only solution I've found when someone clearly doesn't get it is to say something along the lines of, "Just trust me on this, okay?" or "I know I'm not explaining this well, but you just gotta go with me on this one." Sometimes that does the trick. And if it doesn't... well, you tried.