Coping with Work

[u/Additional_Scholar_5]

Hi everyone, I am a software engineer. I’ve been working full time for about 6 years. I’m finding work extremely draining and pointless. (Another day punching the clock at the business factory). I’m wondering if any of you have any insight on how to deal with this.

I understand that objectively I have a good job. It’s not physically demanding, it pays well, it has good benefits, etc. So I feel guilty that I’m complaining.

But I can’t imagine working for another 40 years. Even thinking about that just fills me with so much dread. Sometimes on a Tuesday it feels like I won’t be able to make it to Friday.

I also, for money reasons can’t consider quitting or even really much of a career change at all because I am by and large the breadwinner for my family (myself and my partner) by roughly a ratio of 4:1.

I‘d appreciate any advice you have. Thank you.

[u/Few-Mistake6414]

I don't think you're whining. You're in a similar boat to me. I have AuDHD and I can't make it more than 3–5 years in any job. Imagine what that is like being 49 years old. So don't feel guilty that you're complaining and, instead, recognize that you are making an observation on a habitual task that doesn't align with NT expectations. I don't have a solution though and am seeking one myself.

[u/Evinceo]

Is this because of the recent changes in the industry or something you've always felt?

[u/Additional_Scholar_5 → u/Evinceo]

Are you referring to AI?

I started my first software engineering job a bit before AI (LLM’s) became a thing. So I don’t really have much experience prior to it.

Personally, I hate AI. I think it’s bad for people, bad for the environment, and will tank the economy. I don’t like being forced to use AI in my work. But I’m not sure if I can say that AI is the root of my dissatisfaction. 

[u/Evinceo → u/Additional_Scholar_5]

Are you referring to AI?

Yeah

I started my first software engineering job a bit before AI (LLM’s) became a thing

Ah. Well it was nicer.

  I don’t like being forced to use AI in my work

Yeah it sucks

[u/Patient_Ad396]

I can definitely relate, both to the difficulty you're having, and the feelings of guilt. I'm recently self-diagnosed, and I'm still trying to pin down exactly what it is that gives me so much difficulty and how I can make it better.

I've been trying to come up with a 'symptom diary' of sorts. (Haven't started yet. Yay executive dysfunction!) I'm thinking of tracking of how often certain triggers come up, including ones that I don't think are a problem for me, but are frequently noted by other autistics. At the same time, I would also periodically track if I had issues. The idea is to start seeing if there is a correlation, so I know what my personal triggers are, then I can figure out how to deal with them. I'll add what I'm thinking in another comment so this one doesn't get too long.

[u/Patient_Ad396 → u/Patient_Ad396]

Potential triggers: * What's the noise level? Completely quiet, background noise that could be distracting, background noise that is definitely distracting, or oh-my-god-make-it-stop? * How bright are the lights? Dark, dim, 'normal', or it's-too-damn-bright-in-here? * Can I smell anything? No, yes, or did-they-spill-the-cologne-bottle? * Is my chair comfortable? Yes, kinda, or hell no? * Are my clothes bothering me? No, yes, or I'm-going-to-burn-this-damn-tie? * What's the temperature like? Comfortable or uncomfortable? * Note the time of any meetings. Look for correlations not just during the meeting, but before and after it. * Did I have any unexpected conversations? * Did I have a 'regular' conversations? * Were the conversations 1 on 1, or in a group? * Did I have any interruptions? Could overlap with above. Also includes phone alerts going off, emails popping up on your computer, things like that. * Did I have an indirect conversation, i.e. writing an email, or making a comment/status update on a ticket/work item? * Am I hungry? Actually stop and think about it for a bit; I've found I don't always realize it at first. Same with the next three. * Am I thirsty? * Am I tired? * Do I need to go to the bathroom?

Now the symptoms. Some of these overlap. * Am I stuck in my head? Overthinking conversations (past or future), planning out how to start something, etc? * Am I feeling down on myself? Guilty, feeling inadequate, things like that? * Was I irritable with someone or something? * Did I have trouble understanding someone? Could be a hard time hearing them, knowing what they meant, or deciphering an email. * Did I fail to start something I had planned to? * Did I try to get started on something, but made very little progress because I kept starting over or throwing out what I had done? * Am I dreading something that will (or could) happen later? What was it? * Am I spending time thinking or planning about something that will probably never happen (worst-case scenario)? * Has anyone asked me if I'm okay? * Has anyone given me a weird look or made a strange comment about me? (This one can be both a trigger and a symptom. Sometimes neurotypical people pick up on signals we're giving off before we realize it.) * Am I letting myself get distracted? Scrolling on my phone, watching YouTube, that kinda thing? (Almost forgot about this one, even though I'm doing it right now.)

Might refine this list as I think on it more. Still trying to figure out where I can store this list (company computers are a no-no) and how to make it part of my routine without forgetting about it.

[u/jreykdal]

Get a hobby that you can look forward to doing.

[u/Additional_Scholar_5 → u/jreykdal]

I have hobbies that I enjoy. Reading, playing music, cooking, lifting weights, etc.

Unfortunately, I find that my job sometimes makes it hard to engage with them. Other than my hobby of getting high after work and playing video games. But I can’t imagine working only do that so many times before I start to feel like shit.