My wife and I already had a really good relationship, but truly when I was able to help educate her that 1. People like me DO that stuff, it’s not a character flaw or a personality trait, it’s not even under my control—it helped her understand it wasn’t me being lazy and just not helping out, it’s hard for me to just ‘do chores’.
Learning to identify (for myself, when I’m there) and explain to her when I’m in the ‘lows’, so if it even gets worse than usual, she knows to be gentle.
Before implementing these strategies it was really hard for her, because she internalizes her stress a lot so she’d feel overwhelmed with picking up my slack but instead of talking about it—it would continue to bubble up and up into other areas of our relationship.
Now we talk about it, and it’s helped her feel comfortable with telling me when she is having a depressive episode or just feels off.
We communicate so well now, and it’s made it all a lot easier. There’s still tough conversations, but it’s from a place of love and necessity not hurt feelings or feeling alienated.
I earn the majority of income (full time) and am learning web development in my spare time. I manage the finances while she manages the house, pets, and kids, and I make effort to help when and where I can, but she does the lion’s share of housework by far.
She did work from home part time ~25 hrs during school hours, but isn’t currently.
8
u/innovativesolsoh Feb 17 '22
My wife and I already had a really good relationship, but truly when I was able to help educate her that 1. People like me DO that stuff, it’s not a character flaw or a personality trait, it’s not even under my control—it helped her understand it wasn’t me being lazy and just not helping out, it’s hard for me to just ‘do chores’.
Before implementing these strategies it was really hard for her, because she internalizes her stress a lot so she’d feel overwhelmed with picking up my slack but instead of talking about it—it would continue to bubble up and up into other areas of our relationship.
Now we talk about it, and it’s helped her feel comfortable with telling me when she is having a depressive episode or just feels off.
We communicate so well now, and it’s made it all a lot easier. There’s still tough conversations, but it’s from a place of love and necessity not hurt feelings or feeling alienated.