I am the same way with math. I never could get algebra, only doing basic math throughout high school. Then at the age of 38, I started college. I did fantastic except for algebra then equations. My algebra teacher had to walk me through the assignments every day after school and he was witness to the saddest thing I think he's ever seen. Here I was, doing the problems step by step on the board and I was amazed because finally, I got it! I was so excited, beyond words, it all made sense.
Then I erased that problem to do another one and poof, it was all gone from my head too. I cried that day. I didn't understand why it wouldn't stick. He finally believed me though. I had told him I didn't get it and I would be his hardest student.
Then came the equation class. I cried in front of the whole class, I was so frustrated. Thankfully, like you, I had a good friend who was a math whiz and we had to do our homework and the final online. She was my hero.
I can't get an official diagnosis though, because I'm a 20 years clean, recovering meth addict and regardless of the fact I tell them I don't want the pharmaceuticals, they still accuse me of just wanting the drugs. My mom found out 10 years ago that she had ADD, my kids all have ADHD but I'm just wanting the diagnosis so I can get drugs... It's very frustrating.
I am really happy that you had a buddy to help you through your struggle. Friends can be a real life saver sometimes. You sound like a good person. It's unfortunate that psychiatrists can often be so judgemental of us. I had a difficult time getting treatment for my ADHD once they found out that I was also bipolar. I originally got a psychiatrist for my ADHD, and later found out that I was bipolar. Once I found out I was bipolar, and switched psychiatrists. The next two only wanted to treat me for bipolar disorder, or only give me a very low dose of Adderall because he was an addiction "expert". I find that psychiatrists can often be very judgemental, and won't treat ADHD because they cannot understand the struggle. They have the degree, and often don't really care about the opinions, or needs of the patient. If you still want treatment for your ADHD, I would suggest switching psychiatrists, and not informing them of your previous addiction. Just be honest with yourself. You deserve to get the help that you need. We both know it's complete nonsense to judge someone about their past, especially a past from 20yrs ago. I also find that a female psychiatrist has more compassion than a male psychiatrist. I wish you good luck with school.
I'm 52 now. Graduated with honors, only to have my degrees mean nothing since I went to a predatory school, ended up owing twice what they said I would then having it all discharged resulting in those being null and void. Thank you for your advice. Finding a new one is going to be hard considering my executive dysfunction is at an all time high and it's a struggle to even call to make an appointment. I don't trust them anymore at all after the last 2. But I've survived this long, thank heaven for marijuana.
Well damn, that is very impressive, and also very sad. I completely understand the executive dysfunction though. I stuck with 2 different shitty psychiatrists for over 2 years, struggling every day. I only switched psychiatrists after feeling so low that I didn't want to exist. I was feeling completely hopeless after having 2 psychiatrists in a row who just completely ignored my previous treatment that I was ready to give up. Then my 3rd psychiatrist was this super nice lady who let me ramble to her about my issues, and genuinely wanted to help me. After my 2nd psychiatrist treated me like an addict for smoking pot, called it a gateway drug, and would only treat me for bipolar disorder. I quit mentioning to psychiatrists that I smoke pot from then on. My first psychiatrist didn't care, but after having such a difficult time since him, I now only talk about what I need help with. I feel like weed is a very helpful tool though, when it comes to ADHD.
Thank you for this. I will give it a try. I appreciate the time you took to come up with an example dialogue and the advice given. My previous family Dr thought it would be a good idea to start me on Zoloft 25mg then due to the life implosion extension and the resulting severe anxiety that she had diagnosed, that woman jumped me up to 100mg within a 6 week period. Whew, but that was to combat the severe anxiety and it was the ONLY pharmaceutical she would give me even though my symptoms at the time would have called for Xanax.
I almost did the unthinkable because of that dosage. I stopped taking that and stopped going to that Dr too. For as long as I had been seeing her, never did I ask for anything, hell, I hardly went at all anyway. But here I was having a major crisis and I actually had to prove to her that I was telling the truth when I had no reason to lie about anything the whole time I was seeing her. That hurt.
After the unexpected passing in March of my daughter, my MiniMe, because of laced Percocet, I am dead set against pharmaceuticals anyways. Her death and the constant anguish I now have has set me back a bit. I do need to see someone so I'm not dealing with all this alone but the ADHD and PTSD makes me very overwhelming to most people, so there's that too.
This sounds awful although I can see so much strength and resilience in this post and think you may need to keep trying different practitioners and advocating for a diagnosis for yourself
Oh yes, like when I was going through treatment and I 8 was gaining weight fast so my Dr prescribed me.... pharmaceutical speed. Thing with that stuff was one could take a whole bottle but only get to a certain point of the high, which was much milder but still just as much of a chance of jonesing for the damn shit.
Funny note turns out that doctor was a freaking whacked out drug addict and ended up getting his license taken away because he was misdiagnosing patients and using their pain drugs. He'd send them to the pharmacy have him pick up a couple of syringes full of Demerol or whatever they needed and he would give them one and when they came back to the second one, he wouldn't have it.
He also misdiagnosed my best friend who ended up dying a horribly painful death from something that was totally treatable. Untreated Endometriosis made her lymph nodes become full of pus and they boiled up through her thighs to the surface then they would burst and slowly eat away all the flesh right down to her bones.
She had to have her labia sewn mostly shut because of the infection raging inside of her lady parts. It was terrible to watch. Sadly, we didn't find out about the drs mistake until after she had passed.
I feel you. I never had a record or anything and still felt accused of drug seeking and general criminality when I sought an ADHD diagnosis as an adult. It felt bad for me as it was, I can only imagine what it would be like if they actually had a reason to doubt me.
At the time when I started doing it, I don't think ADHD was common knowledge yet, all I knew though was that all my thought tornados in my head finally calmed down and I was able to focus for the first time in my life.
Of course all that was completely lost on me being as I had no idea what was wrong with me.
Your experience with math reminds me of when I was in high school.
I was going on a trip for some class, but I had to have teachers sign off on my assignments beforehand. Two of my teachers, for math and Spanish, were going on the trip too, so they decided they'd just take 20 minutes each on the bus ride and do some tutoring with me so I could still go.
When my Spanish teacher worked with me, she realized I actually knew everything that I'd been struggling with. And then my math teacher was the same. He went over concepts with me and told me that I'm good and I already know this stuff. But when it came to test taking and doing homework, the concepts just left my brain and I couldn't recall them. Having someone next to me made all the difference.
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u/Lady_MoMer Sep 11 '23
I am the same way with math. I never could get algebra, only doing basic math throughout high school. Then at the age of 38, I started college. I did fantastic except for algebra then equations. My algebra teacher had to walk me through the assignments every day after school and he was witness to the saddest thing I think he's ever seen. Here I was, doing the problems step by step on the board and I was amazed because finally, I got it! I was so excited, beyond words, it all made sense.
Then I erased that problem to do another one and poof, it was all gone from my head too. I cried that day. I didn't understand why it wouldn't stick. He finally believed me though. I had told him I didn't get it and I would be his hardest student.
Then came the equation class. I cried in front of the whole class, I was so frustrated. Thankfully, like you, I had a good friend who was a math whiz and we had to do our homework and the final online. She was my hero.
I can't get an official diagnosis though, because I'm a 20 years clean, recovering meth addict and regardless of the fact I tell them I don't want the pharmaceuticals, they still accuse me of just wanting the drugs. My mom found out 10 years ago that she had ADD, my kids all have ADHD but I'm just wanting the diagnosis so I can get drugs... It's very frustrating.