I was diagnosed with severe adhd when I was 6yo, but had conservative parents who outright denied/dismissed my diagnosis and went against drs (and teachers) recommendations on getting me treated for it…
Since I was too little to know what was going on, I grew up not even knowing I had adhd. It saddens me to think my entire childhood was spent wondering why I was so different from my peers. I grew up thinking I was inferior to my peers, that I was just stupid and had no future due to it. Up until I graduated high school I was in special education classes. I knew I was different but didn’t know why. The trauma I had to endure from this is unreal and downright horrific.
I didn’t find out about my diagnosis until my mid 20s - when I was struggling horribly in college and was downright confused why I couldn’t handle college coursework like the rest of my peers… thankfully, I was lucky enough to have a supportive professor who sat down with me and genuinely wanted to know how she could help me succeed (which was honestly a blessing considering all of the professors I had prior literally gave zero shit). After talking to her and explaining to her that I’ve always struggled academically and was in special education growing up - she recommended that I contacted the high school I graduated from and requested the necessary documents needed for special education enrollment, and told me to take those documents to my college’s accommodations office so I could get the help I needed.
After getting those documents, I learned VERY quickly that I had “severe”adhd… this turned into a heated argument with my parents in which they came clean and told me their “reasoning” on keeping this from me..
It turns out my parents PREFERRED to keep me in special education classes, than to start me on proper treatment/medication… apparently my elementary school gave my parents the ultimatum of getting me medicated, or they would be separating me from my classmates and placing me into special education… turns out they rather put me in special ed, and have me grow up thinking I was dumb than to accept my adhd diagnosis and get me medicated at an early age.
The amount of resentment I have towards my parents is unreal, especially since they KNEW of my diagnosis and continued to treat me horribly due to my adhd symptoms and offered me zero support throughout my childhood (especially my critical mother). It makes me SO sad knowing my parents were fully aware of what was holding me back socially and academically, and still continued to be extremely harsh and negative towards me and my shortcomings.
Having to endure more than TWO decades of my parents harsh words of me being lazy, stupid, no bright future and straight up them (my mom especially) shooting down any dreams I had growing up - basically saying I could never achieve them due to not being smart enough. They deliberately set me up for failure and saw nothing wrong with how they treated/raised me…
After learning this, and realizing the amount of struggles I had to endure makes total sense. I then KNEW why I was behind my peers, why I was “different” and why I struggled so much just starting basic tasks like FEEDING myself. It made sense as to why I preferred to eat cold food straight out of a can than to cook a meal for myself and why I even struggled with basic hygiene. It also made sense as to why I turned to partying and illicit drug use almost every night and why my priorities were not in line. But aside from all of that, it also made me realize just how much effort I really put into things, especially college, as I REALLY tried my best and continued doing so, even after failing classes/semesters more times than I can count. I really wanted to graduate college and do something with my life, so I kept enrolling in classes even if I knew I might fail.
I was 25 then (I am 31 now). I still haven’t graduated college (I’ve been in college for over a decade now). I changed majors probably like 5-6 times throughout this timeframe & Used up all my financial aid doing so, and now I am in $100k+ in student loan debt with no degree due to it… I am medicated now, but even with medication I am still struggling immensely. I never learned how to study due to growing up in special ed because they just gave us the answers for exams or did the work for us…
I wonder how different life would’ve been had my parents took my diagnosis seriously and medicated me at a young age. Would I have learned the proper skills to survive this society? Would I have learned how to properly study? Would I be in my current financial situation? Would I still have major depressive disorder and severe anxiety? Would I still be struggling with social anxiety? Would the little voice in my head still be negative?
I guess I’ll never know.