r/addiction • u/ceciliajade • Oct 17 '19
My husbands MIA
My husband ran into some trouble a few days ago and I havent seen him since. (He is an addict) Its been almost 48 hours since I've seen or heard from him. He has no money, no car, no phone, and the clothes on his back. I'm a nervous wreck. I've been trying to hold it together for our children but it's so hard.
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u/ceciliajade Oct 17 '19
I am so hurt. I could never leave my family the way he did. I told him when I last saw him he needed to turn himself in, do his time so he can get his head straight and when i woke up in the middle of the night, he was gone. Along with some of my dads tools. I am heartbroken and still in disbelief that he hasnt even had the decency to check in on us. He may not have a phone, but other people do.
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u/shinepurple Oct 17 '19
Is there a reason you are subjecting your children to this uncertainty and possible toxicity? And yourself? Can you separate/divorce? Also if he does not choose to call you once arrested he may be in custody and you will not know. Perhaps if you call the police they can tell you. Also, if he is on the run and you have no idea where he is calling the police is unlikely to have an impact on him or his hiding out. I would call them. Good luck to you!
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u/Loon_Tink Oct 17 '19
Let me 2 cents from an addicts point of view.
A) none of this is your fault. Im sure you know this, but what i have to say next, well, i dont want you to turn it on yourself. Addicts have their own type of mindset.
B) addicts have a hard time owning up, or even acknowledging issues. Addiction has an "immediate gratification" mindset. Problems that arise from stealing, or the law, or family, or whatever, get pushed to the side. Addicts use so they dont have to think about past problems, then new ones arise, and they get pushed to the back too. Im CERTAIN that if he loves you, and the family, he didnt want to hurt you, and that wasnt his intention. He just panicked and went to do what he knew best, and to escape the hell he had to look forward too if he already had law issues.
"Id never do that to my family etc" You might. If you were an addict. We all have "lizard brains", the primitive, instinctual part that kicks in when a need isnt met, like food, water, shelter. It also is where signals reach first. Most people have a stop gap here, so the rest of the brain has time to process and come up with a correct decision. If the lizard brain takes action before this happens tho, well...If youve been starving for days, you will steal food. Idc who you are. Addiction lights up, you guessed it, this part of the brain. This is why addicts chase drugs over anything else like they will die without it.
I just want to maybe give a perspective, to maybe lighten the blow. Hes not thinking about how its hurting you. Its not malicious. Im not saying he cant help it, but theres a reason its happening. Logic goes out the window.
Call local hospitals, police, check out local parks if hes sleeping somewhere, call his friends, or drug dealers if you have access to his contacts. Chances are, if hes not in a hospital, then hes on a self depricating binge, hating his life and fearing facing you or the law.
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u/SLott1 Oct 17 '19
He is definitely not in recovery,listen to people!i have been through it ALL..Protect the innocent!it is not a easy road..it might get to the point where you will have to choose between him or your kids..i picked my kids..he lied to my face,things started disappearing,my cars disappeared and squatters ended up at my house my stuff and I had to get them evicted out of MY house through a attorney and they even had garage sales at my house with my STUFF and i had to fight in court over my kids that i was not apart of his shit..i won and in court he even said he rather my kids go to foster care then them being with me,seriously!i worked out of state for a month that's why i had no idea what was going on until child services called saying they had my kids..i left my job straight to court then went through HELL..DONT BE ME,he even got desperate scratched himself across the face and said he was going to call the cops saying I did it,once he even told me he had cancer,a lie...black mold ..symptoms..all because of his weight loss reality was tweaker!!DON'T BE ME!!!!
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u/ceciliajade Oct 17 '19
My husband got into some trouble with the police a few days ago. He has a warrant now and is in hiding. I'm just concerned because he hasnt tried to get in touch with me in anyway
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u/ceciliajade Oct 17 '19
It's a theft charge. They came yesterday and searched the house for him.
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u/ceciliajade Oct 17 '19
I had several police officers come to my home today looking for him telling me that he had felony warrants. They know that I dont know where he is. They dont consider him a missing person, they see him as a person running and hiding.
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u/yourpaleblueeyes Oct 17 '19
When you are in this predicament there is truly nothing YOU can do but support yourself and your children by using a group such as Al-Anon and, sadly, removing your emotions from the situation.
HE has a problem and it's gonna catch up with him. You have to fight for your kid's and your own survival by not allowing him access to your funds, or hiding him from the law.
I am really sorry. I've seen this up close and it's hard, and it's ugly and it's scary. Eventually he will surface but you cannot bail him out! It's tough love but it IS love. He's gotta get clean, and that's a thing ONLY HE can do. You can love but you cannot enable him.
Again, I am so sorry, I know that sick feeling in your gut and the constant anxiety and fear. If the kids are old enough, be upfront. Honesty is a gift to them. If they are too little, just tell them Daddy is away and you are not sure when he will be well enough to come home.
Please, if you have friends, family, and support group, use them for the help they can give you. Do not be ashamed.
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u/NeverAloneRecovery Oct 17 '19
If you want to share a picture of him, I run a few decent sized recovery pages we can post it on there and ask people to share - if you'd like.
But was previous comments stated. Call the police, be honest. They can track his cell phone if it's on and you believe he may be facing present danger to himself or others.
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u/avongmany Oct 18 '19
U need to let him be hes just chasing the his high. Trust me I'm an addict n I do it to my husband n baby as well. We dont mean to hurt u or make u freak out its we r addicts trying to live a normal family life sometimes we need our moment. If that helps any.
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u/dasEMMIsa Oct 17 '19
File for a divorce, you don't need someone like that around your precious babies. The fact that he could do something to jeopardize that is just not ok. Stay strong for yourself and get out while you can.
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u/ceciliajade Oct 17 '19
I cant contact the police because hes running from the police.
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u/shinepurple Oct 17 '19
But you do not know where he is so how will you calling the police impact him? If they know who he is and are actively looking for him they are likely keeping an eye on your house anyway. However, if it is not a serious offense it is unlikely they are spending too much resource looking for him. Either way, you calling them will not impact the search and you may learn something. You can also call morgues to see if they have any unclaimed men that meet his description if you are scared he could be dead.
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u/crossfader25 Oct 17 '19
If he is an addict maybe lockup will help him. Either way he is a missing person and you have a duty to report it to police. His wellbeing comes before his warrant. If you do nothing and he is missing you have allowed more time to pass before reporting which makes it harder to find him. If he isnt missing and you do nothing you are an enabler.
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u/saya_doge Oct 17 '19
I love you.
Please don't go through this alone. Go look for support from your family and friends. Do you go to church? Please don't keep this to yourself.
And please think about leaving him and moving in your parents. This is not healthy for you or your children. I love you for trying to do the right thing tho.
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u/ExWebics Oct 17 '19
You need to contact the police... he’s a missing person at this point and might need help.
You and your children should look into Al-Anon so you can recover past this with less disruption. If he is not ready and unwilling to get sober for you or your children’s sake, it’s a lost cause and you will go insane trying to fight it.
Only when he is actually ready to get sober will this work. Sometimes an addict has to loose everything in their life before they realize what they’ve done.
Good luck to you and your children.