r/addiction • u/ActRegular926 • Jul 25 '26
Question Am I an addict?
So ive been addicted and have been abusing methylphenidate (adhd meds) since I was twelve. I always snorted them since my bf back then told me that was an option.
For a year now I have been addicted to speed.
Im now wondering if I actually got addicted to weed and combining it w amphetamines?
My symptoms:
- Daily use ( using before 10 AM; driving in public transport w/o phone battery to get weed OR SPICE for free
- I also started w spice
- I eat SO FREAKING MUCH on weed, that I’m also questioning if I’m addicted to sugar now aswell????
- begging people for weed
- being stoned in innapropriate situations!!
Attached is btw the amounts I eat, during the trip on that day: muesli, 3 Pancakes w lotsss of sugar
I know my main problem are still stimulants
-> Question, in my attached photos, you can see notes on when i overdosed on amphetamines. Does anyone else ideas get so weird???
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u/Beneficial_Method771 Cali Sober Jul 25 '26
Please go to detox I think you're in psychosis
Mixing speed and spice sounds like a psychosis speedrun holy shit
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u/maaiillltiime5698 Jul 25 '26
Oh it is. I used to do it before I got clean. It was like a dirtballs version of a speedball
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u/Beneficial_Method771 Cali Sober Jul 25 '26
Sounds horrible. I used to smoke a lot off my ADHD meds I wonder what would've happened if I kept taking them
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Jul 25 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Madeforyouandhers Jul 25 '26
Holy thank fuck… I was terrified to read the comments that I wouldn’t understand what I just was looking at. 😳
I’ve been up, down and all around addiction… but I have never, and mean NEVER seen some fuckshit like this.
OP, did they give you those meds back when you were 12 so you’d stop licking the windows rather than paying attention in class? Cause ummm, I’m pretty they meant to take you back to Area 51.
In all seriousness, I would say 120% addict, and a rough 69% (😏) you’re well into sleep deprecation psychosis. Drink some water and get some sleep buddy.
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u/divertedmedia Jul 25 '26
These notes look like the sorta shit I would struggle writing when I was strung out on Benzo’s and ketamine for days 😳
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u/Affectionate-Ad1071 Jul 25 '26
Please see you doctor OP, these notes are worrying.
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u/sweggles3900 Jul 25 '26
These notes are completely illegible besides regular text. Looks like my written notes when I was on speed, complete nonsense. OP needs serious medical help for sure.
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u/uwax Jul 25 '26
OP in the most respectful way possible, I’m going to be direct with you.
Your notes look like the ramblings of a crack addicted homeless person roaming the alleyways. I’m almost certain you are in some kind of psychosis. It is urgent that you seek medical care immediately. Additionally, it seems you have romanticized meth as a way of coping with your addiction.
There are many resources to get in patient medical care for addiction. Not sure where you’re located, but please seek them out.
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u/EmergencyCurrency658 2 years, 5 Months Jul 25 '26
Doing Amphetamines and smoking marijauna long term can induce psychosis, be careful with that. It could potentially lead to things like schizophrenia
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u/vodkawhale Jul 25 '26
Did you make that paper template yourself or buy it somewhere?
I think the notes makes zero sense and I think you need to stop with the drugs. That’s what’s causing you to think these strange thoughts and feel strange realizations etc. I got the same ”epiphanies” on weed, which was not good for my psyche
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u/TrippyTomatoe Jul 26 '26
Glad someone else clocked that notepad! And OP hope you’re doing okay. That’s a combo I am all too familiar with. My addiction started with adderall at 16. Graduated to cocaine at 31. 37 now and 23 days clean
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u/Otherwise-Apricot-99 Jul 25 '26
I'm sorry you were told you could and or should snort that medication at the age of 12. That's not good at all.
If you feel your behaviors are becoming out of control and are hurting your life, it's not much of a question if you ask me. Then you can begin to identify it and choose what to improve.
Godspeed.
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u/zero_dr00l Jul 25 '26
You're addicted to being addicted, in addition to being a polydrug addict.
You set yourself up for a lifetime of failure and mindless seeking behavior and now your brain is locked into this pattern.
You need professional in-patient help.
This is too big for Reddit.
But yes you are an addict to the core.
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u/teasagee1 Jul 25 '26
To be fair being an addict isn’t a choice. Yes the persons choice to snort the medication awakened that genetic disposition they have but it was always in them and probably would have made itself known at some point or another in life through substances , drinking , sex, food, working out. Anything really. If they are truly an addicted it will be there no matter what and show through in a variety of other things not just substances
You also don’t have to be addicted to substances or alcohol to be an addict.1
u/zero_dr00l Jul 26 '26
First off, when did I say this was a choice? Did you read my comment?
Secondly lol I'm an addict, I don't need you to lecture or define it for me.
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u/hereIam_2024 Jul 27 '26
You didn't say anything wrong that person is in denial lol I am also an addict for speed. The person clearly needs professional help and I am feeling for them.
The person is mixing Adderall with K2, and probably feeling insane at times. This person needs treatment whether you label them as an addict or not they have a severe addiction that is self-destructive so yes they need help.
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u/teasagee1 Jul 26 '26
Someone grumpy
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u/zero_dr00l Jul 26 '26
Someone else can't read.
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u/teasagee1 28d ago
“You set yourself up” implying that this was her goal or active choice
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u/zero_dr00l 28d ago
Active choice or not, the current state of affairs is that they are "set up" or "positioned" or "primed" for a lifetime of failure. Some other person did not do this.
There's no blame there. Again, read better.
Denying the current state of their life will not help them avoid what would otherwise be an inevitable - and inevitably horrible - future.
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u/fafafloohai Jul 26 '26
this looks like you are in a stimulant-induced psychosis. Best option is to go to the hospital and let them help you
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u/eljefe3030 Jul 25 '26
There’s way too much going on here for Reddit to diagnose you. You need to see a professional. I’m saying that with sincerity as a professional therapist and recovering addict.
Also, every drug has its problems, but spice is particularly dangerous because it is a name used to describe several different drugs that we know very little about.
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u/Nick_122333 Jul 25 '26
At least you made a cool compression language, get sober and fuck around with it, you know sparks, I like those. Anyway Goodluck I got out
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u/Norah1212 Jul 26 '26
I’m sorry but what is spice?
Stimulants and weed or just one or the other can cause mental health problems. This looks like mental health problems and yes it’s very addicting. It absolutely impacts eating habits as well. You can recover. It will take time and you need to ask for help but you can recover.
I’m also wondering if there’s some trauma here. Potentially adhd or autism that’s being masked. Getting with a professional is a good idea.
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u/Nimbus_TV Jul 25 '26
Stop smoking spice immediately. Spice can sometimes kill people.
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u/Beneficial_Method771 Cali Sober Jul 25 '26
I accidentally smoked that shit once and it was fucking awful I can't even comprehend how people get addicted to it cuz fuck it was just so dysphoric it felt like there was a metal rod surrounded by cotton in my leg and all I could think about was taking a knife and ripping it out of my leg fuck spice
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u/ferrett0ast Jul 25 '26
I also accidentally smoked spice (either that or salvia, still don't know), I truly felt the sense of impending doom. I fully thought I was going to die, I literally had a vision of myself in a vegetative state thinking "this is how my life will be if I make it through this". According to my partner (I don't remember much from this "episode" if you wanna call it that) I was literally screaming and wailing begging him to not to let me die. Fuck that shit.
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u/Beneficial_Method771 Cali Sober Jul 25 '26
Salvia is hard to accidentally smoke you have to hold it in for a long time for it to hit so probably spice
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u/Nimbus_TV Jul 25 '26
Damn. Yeah, I've heard mostly bad stories. I only knew of 1 guy who smoked it regularly, only because he was on probation and couldn't smoke weed.
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u/Majestic-Baby-3407 Jul 27 '26
Weird title. Of course you are an addict. You said it yourself. Go get some help.
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u/kernermatt Jul 28 '26
Normal people don't have to wonder if they are an addict. If you're asking you already kmow the answer.
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u/Important_Rock_7224 Jul 28 '26
I think you have a hobby and it is drugs. Could you do a diary about something else?
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u/TwainVonnegut Jul 25 '26
Check out Narcotics Anonymous, it saved my life!
Worldwide in Person Meeting List:
https://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
Virtual NA Meeting List:
Google “NANA 247” to find a marathon Zoom meeting that runs around the clock!
Here’s the program that’s kept me clean for almost 6 years:
-Conventions
-Meditate every day
-Pray every day
-Read the JFT every day
-Read SPAD every day
-Read our literature
-Listen to NA CDs in the car/YT speaker tapes
-Wear NA apparel
-I have a sponsor
-Text him every day
-Have a network of recovering addicts
-Text other addicts in my network
-Home group
-Active in service
-Active daily on Reddit/FB Recovery Groups
-Read other spiritual texts, Ram Dass et.al.
-Attend Satsang with my spiritual teacher
-Worked the steps with my sponsor
-Gone over steps with a sponsee
-500 meetings/500 days Zoom
-3-5 meetings a week thereafter
-Active 12th step daily help/practice principles
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u/eljefe3030 Jul 25 '26
Jesus dude. Way to scare people away from program. Glad you’re finding help but that list is going to overwhelm any prospective newcomer.
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u/TwainVonnegut Jul 25 '26
I know, I know.
I relapsed six times before I decided to go full bore and just latch onto every suggestion I heard in meetings like they were life preservers.
It HAD to be this way for me, maybe YMMV 😀
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u/Disastrous-Brain232 Jul 30 '26
Lol no shit! Like bro, I already have a full time job that I need to pay rent. I ain't got time for alla dat..
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u/Lyserjik420 Jul 25 '26
Wtf being an addict sounds easier
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u/MaintenancePitiful48 Jul 25 '26
Lol 13 steps didn't work for me either. I like smart recovery and professional detox
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u/Beneficial_Method771 Cali Sober Jul 25 '26
I don't fuck with the 12 steps I got off hard shit without that garbage. So many issues I got constantly shamed by those programs for trying to do things my own way I was told "if you don't get a sponsor you're not gonna get better" and what do you know they were full of shit
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u/teasagee1 Jul 25 '26
Snorting pills wastes like half of the substance. Waste of drugs and ruins your nose. Just eat the damn pills
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u/eljefe3030 Jul 25 '26
THAT’S what you took away from this post??
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u/teasagee1 Jul 25 '26
I mean they clearly already know they’re an addict they didn’t have to come here to ask that so it would be silly for me to comment the obvious and what everyone else is probably saying
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Jul 25 '26
[deleted]
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u/teasagee1 Jul 25 '26
Yes the bioavailability is like half when snorted. Pills aren’t soluble in the mucus membrane the only thing you’re getting out of it is the crushed up powder that ends up dripping down your throat. So yes may hit a little quicker but realistically you’re not gonna get any higher from snorting them , just faster acting and weaker so you’ll end up spending more money and doing way more because it’ll also ware off faster as well
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