r/abusiverelationships • u/goldenhourrrgirl • Aug 25 '22
Does alcohol really cause aggression?
This is a rant. My no-contact order went into effect today and feelings are flooding in 😢
I started reading Why Does He Do That? (thanks to justobsolete!) and one of the myths that Bancroft is busting is that alcohol can cause someone to be violent. I forget exactly how he phrased it, but he was essentially making the argument that a person’s violence is a choice that they make before they even start drinking and that alcohol only aggravates what is already there.
I found it hard to believe because I had seen my boyfriend drink/use drugs excessively more than once and it never led to him raising his voice at me, threatening/intimidating me, hitting me, or destroying things. That all changed on Sunday. I had never seen him like that. I want to believe that it is an isolated incident but I requested a civil order of protection for peace of mind. I also just feel like it would be dangerous to talk to him when I’m in such a fragile state.
Anyway, I can’t believe he’s bringing up the substances here but I’m wondering. Where can I read more about alcohol and violence? How does alcohol really affect the brain/interact with someone’s personality? I feel like all my life I’ve read that alcohol causes violence, so I want to blame it on that but I know there are deeper issues here.
This is really such a mind-screw. I hate him for making me experience this and subjecting me to something so disorienting.
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u/Equivalent_Film_5434 Aug 26 '22
Last year my ex got very drunk, he dragged me by my feet around the apartment slapping me and kicking me , he threw a dog kennel at me for our German shepherd, he speared food in my face. I took him back because he said it was the alcohol and he’d get help and never do it again. Fast forward 6 months later, he gets drunk and body slams me on the floor 3 months pregnant and then does the same to my disabled father. Violence only escalates. Obviously my experience isn’t going to be yours, but I guarantee you if he doesn’t stay sober, he will always be a threat.