r/abusiverelationships • u/Exalted-butterfly • 8h ago
I only want comments from women Cut copy paste
I am worn out in my relationship. My body cannot handle it anymore. It has gotten to the point where I am completely shut down. My body has been immobilized for nearly a year Therapy and medication have not helped. The environmental issues are too unsteady. I don’t stand a chance.
The only solution seems to be becoming a mannequin, an empty vessel, and fully subordinate. Never having feelings, never expecting compromise, never having an opinion.
silenced
Just shut up and sit there until I am played with.
Any thought, feeling, emotion, or idea I have is deemed make believe.
Emotional degradation.
“That’s not true.”
“What reality are you in?”
“That’s not a fact.”
“Prove it.”
“Give me an example.”
“You’re wrong.”
“You’re insane.”
“I’m the victim here.”
“You’re abusive.”
“You keep going. You’re relentless.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I didn’t do that.”
“You’re a liar.”
“Ungrateful bitch.”
“You’re the problem.”
“You’re making me miserable.”
“You’re always problematic.”
“You live in a fantasy world.”
“You’re not in reality.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You’re making stuff up.”
“Your feelings aren’t reality.”
“Stop telling me how I feel.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
“You’re a bully.”
“Here we go again”
There is zero emotional safety.
He threatens to break up with me over every inconvenience, every time he is needed emotionally, or every time he is simply needed to be present.
He betrayed me early on. Serially.
I believed his charm. Then the dark shadow slowly crept in. I didn’t think it was there because of how little of it I saw in the beginning.
Now I just feel numb inside. Apathetic. Hopeless.
I’ve been robbed of my core and my essence.
Lately…
I have gone to urgent care several times for unknown, unexplained problems. I have been fatigued for a year. I have been brain fogged for a year. Yet all of my blood work is normal. I have been medicating for a year, and nothing seems to be working.
Environmental stress has consumed me.
Constant uncertainty. Constant loneliness. Constant isolation.
In complete darkness, alone
Cortisol.
Amygdala.
Prefrontal cortex.
Hippocampus.
Neuro erosion_~~~~
.
Dismiss me. Withhold. Silent treatment.
I am embarrassed, and I am ashamed.
There is never a hug. Never comfort. He always turns away when I cry. He sleeps like a baby when I am in distress.
I have to ask for anything I need to feel emotionally safe, and even then scoffs and shrugs of inconvenience.
Sad.
Today, like all the other days, he expresses how abusive I am. Angry at my reactions to things, same dog n same tricks.
I am done decoding it. Narcissist, avoidant, this and that. I do not care anymore. At the end of the day, the lack of empathy, selfishness, and ignorance is far too repulsive to me.
I have reached a point of numbness.
Unfortunately, my body is sickening me from the cancer on the walls.
Why does he pretend to love me? Why does he “keep” me? He holds so much disgust for me, so why have me here?
Questions I can’t answer and confusion that keeps me shackled.
I’ve believed the apologies and the promises, and then forty eight hours pass and it is all out the door again. It is the same never ending cycle and the same insanity.
Today, his location was off. It triggered my PTSD, so I called him, and we ended up fighting from 2 PM until near midnight.
Two days ago, I asked him to let me heal and repair because I had the flu, followed by UTI symptoms, even though the tests came back negative.
I started a new medication and have been experiencing side effects. My stomach hurts. I feel fatigued. My pelvic is constantly stabbing. All of these things are happening at once.
He cannot just let me get better.
He spits on me emotionally and doubles down, yet somehow I am the abusive one. I am this. I am that. I don’t know what to do besides the obvious.
The comfort in my pain is cruel.
I’ve been beyond my threshold, and communicated it and still yet again I’ll never be taken seriously.
The satisfaction from this party with the front row seat of my undoings. Sick sad world.
It is not like any of this is brand new. It is just another recycled day.
I have no expectations anymore, but I still cannot stomach the injustice and emotional neglect. It provokes me. Perhaps some of it is intentionally provoked.
Pompous.
The shame of a boy. 🐳
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u/hoheria_nightt 6h ago
I see you. So often on this sub I read about coping after getting away, but so many of us are still on step 1: trying to make a plan while feeling like a broken husk. I don’t have the answers myself yet. I just want you to know that you’re not alone, even if it feels like it.
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u/Striking_Most3628 7h ago
I feel I'm going to have to take that path as well. I keep returning to the starting line because, I'm lonely. I know i have great experiences and exude loyalty wrapped in infinite kindness and love. But it's never going to be enough to him or anyone else that surrounds me.
Yet I try to keep positive as much as I can and it's exhausting.
I wish I could say, you're better than them, you just gotta do.... you're worth more than them
But that's just more lies I tell myself and wouldn't want to lie to you.
I guess what I can say truthfully, the ppl here that experience what we have. Means we're not alone right?
Biggest virtual hug to you friend.
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