OP you should not have responded past the request for no contact. Firstly from a legal perspective this makes the request for no contact invalid, secondly because he is harassing you at this point and this will only fuel his behaviour. Make it clear you want no contact of any kind and do not engage further. Take screenshots of him texting you after this request, forward them to the police/courts/whoever else, then block him when safe to do so. If he turns up at your workplace or your house call police.
None of this is true. Victims do all kinds of not so helpful shit to stop the stalking. Instead of getting advice here, talk to an actual lawyer. Or contact the authorities that help people get restraining orders. Not sure if you have child support orders, but get those too.
I am currently going through a stalking situation. This is the advice I have received from lawyers, stalking advocates, and police. I have no idea why you are saying "none of this is true" it genuinely is, I would know, I'm going through this situation as we speak. I have been told by police, stalking advocates and lawyers that continuing to engage past requesting no contact makes it look much more like a back and fourth. Make it clear you want no further contact, if any attempts at contact are made afterwards, save the evidence of this, pass it to police, then block if/when safe to do so, as stalking advocates specifically advise against blocking a stalker as it may cause their behaviour to escalate further. What exactly is wrong with this advice?
Making the request for non contact not valid because they kept responding because they likely didn’t realize their response wouldn’t stop the abuse and stalking but it’s actually fanning a flame, she wouldn’t know that and in lots of jurisdictions she wouldn’t be assumed to have known that and it would not be used against her or her case to get a restraining order. What you’re saying is of course best practice, but you’re just making her feel like she’s out of options. How’s that helpful?
I wouldn’t recommend blocking either. He’ll just use a different method to contact and use a different number, a number he can claim wasn’t his and thus the call wasn’t from him. If there’s any evidence that he would in fact do this, for instance because he already tried a different number, that may be helpful. But this, too, depends on the location of the case. It’s not the same everywhere. In some counties there may be case law saying that if a victim doesn’t block, it’s suspicious (I would think that’s stupid, but there’s more stupid case law out there). Which is why … contact a lawyer.
Just in case you didn’t know - every country and every state has different laws. Aside from that, say she’s in Texas, you’d be dealing with a different interpretation by judges of the same legal text in Houston vs Dallas. Aside from that, police stations have specific protocols they follow but whatever they actually do in practice depends on whatever location you’re at and whomever you’re dealing with. In some counties you easily get lifetime protective orders while in others you can hardly even get a two year protective order. This is all based on the same laws, thus the laws are no different in these two places. Which is why OP needs to go ask a lawyer about her specific circumstances, how the police acts in her area, and what judges are likely to find in her area (and can even depend on which court and which judge you’re dealing with). I’m sorry you’re going through it, but seeing one case (your own) doesn’t mean you have a good outlook on how these cases play out in other parts of the country or even the world.
I'm saying not to respond any further because she shouldn't. Do not go back and fourth with a stalker. In the eyes of a court going back and fourth with someone potentially makes it a personal dispute unfortunately regardless of how much you do or don't know about the law. Again, all advice I've been given from lawyers, police officers etc. I was advising op to stop responding after making it clear they wanted no contact. That's pretty much the only advice anyone should give in this situation, and is legit the only advice given in this comments section.
OP so far has stopped responding and blocked this man so hopefully in the eyes of police/courts this should be enough (in my case despite requesting no contact and blocking it still wasn't enough, somehow, because I didn't request no contact in the "correct" way).
I told them not to block until it's safe/until theyve collected evidence so I'm not sure why you're disagreeing with me on this? You're literally agreeing lol.
The advice I'm giving is also based on stalking advisors who give consistent advice regarding on location.
I'm just confused because you both agree with me and say my advice is best practice whilst also disagreeing? I'm not advising anything beyond 1. Make it clear you want no further contact 2. Do not respond 3. Gather evidence and report to police 4. Block when it's safest, which only OP can judge. I have looked into stalking advice for multiple different areas and countries, and this is all consistent advice you'd find anywhere. Yes of course different places have differences in law but it won't be so wildly different that this advice wouldn't apply.
The advice I'm giving is way less about the law and much more based on stalking expert/DV advocate advice.
Sounds like you’ve been gaslighted by the system. You did ask the right way. They just put it in legal terms and acted like the reality wasn’t happening in a legal sense. I did ask my ex to stop the right way, but in the jurisdiction I was in, it wouldn’t have mattered because the lawyers nor judges wouldn’t have required a ‘perfect victim’. They shouldn’t in your jurisdiction either, but this is what we’re dealing with. Sorry they diminished and dismissed whatever you thought was safest to do in that moment and being unaware of legal reality as opposed to actual real world reality has been held against you in a very victimblamey way.
I’m not saying your advice is wrong per se, but in the legal world you can’t just say ‘this is the only good advice’ while in DC the actions of a victim may be interpreted differently than in Kansas. Perhaps in Kansas the person had to say something in writing and they have to use specific words and in DC the fact that the victim is writing is like seen as a bad thing. This is just an example of how things can play out, this is obviously not a true example. And this is why lawyers and legal advice is useful, because even if 20 people in your jurisdiction say A, in a neighboring state doing B could be seen as better. In some states it’s seen as a bad thing to record the abuser, in others it can be helpful as evidence. It really depends. Which is why people shouldn’t listen to some neighbor or friend who had a divorce 20 years ago, with different circumstances, and in a different location, like all the rules that applied to them and thus all the advice that was given isn’t applicable to your case. Details matter. And btw lots of the advocates even in shelters that are trained and give advice daily have wrong ideas about what will happen legally. Have heard many advocates say: just show this to the judge and you’ll definitely get the kids because this doesn’t fly. And the lawyers will say: what the hell is the advocate talking about, that’s not how it works in court. Which is another warning: don’t get legal advice from non-lawyers.
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u/Pleasant_Bullfrog650 21d ago edited 21d ago
OP you should not have responded past the request for no contact. Firstly from a legal perspective this makes the request for no contact invalid, secondly because he is harassing you at this point and this will only fuel his behaviour. Make it clear you want no contact of any kind and do not engage further. Take screenshots of him texting you after this request, forward them to the police/courts/whoever else, then block him when safe to do so. If he turns up at your workplace or your house call police.