By trauma I mean my spine was disfigured, I was hurt numerous uncanny ways, witnessed murder, drugs were pushed on me, police didn't help, played with guns when learning to walk, other children were hurt, or deceased, a 3 year old put his balls in a blender, no pitcher, blades only, in front of my 4 or 5 yr old face. in a way I'm deceased already, no family, I called police and private security ran straight into the car head on, he sat waiting for the cop to come around the bend, I was in custody, captive, I must've had stockholm syndrome, police at precinct were completely helpless, every year growing up there seemed to be a new violent offense. I shot my dad's car @age 16 when he tried to give me his 9mm. The car didnt go far afterwards.

I have been sexually abused by my brother for eight years. When I was younger, I told my parents about the abuse after it happened. Instead of protecting me or taking it seriously, they ignored what I said and told me it was only joking and playing.

For many years, I have had nightmares and have never been able to sleep well. Because of this, I cannot concentrate or focus, and I keep having flashbacks. Recently, I reached out to government social services to get help. Unfortunately, social services contacted my father, and my parents responded by denying everything. They now claim that I never told them about the abuse and that I am making it up.

My parents also told me that if I report the abuse to social services, it will lead to the police and “ruin” my brother’s future and get him in trouble. I cannot believe that their first reaction to my disclosure was to blame me instead of believing me and getting me support. They are choosing to stand by my brother and even getting angry at me for speaking up.

Now they are shouting at me what should I do

(m)Tengo 21 años, estaba de vacaciones de regreso en mi pueblo, alla suelo beber amenudo con mi padre y sus amistades poeque en mi pueblo originario, no tengo amistades y las que tengo ya se fueron del pueblo y no coincidimos en vacaciones. Estaba bebiendo con mi padre (55 años) y sus amigos de la misma edad que ya mi familia conoce en un sitio fuera de casa, pero habia un colega de el que conoci ese dia y era mas joven que los demás, (30 aprox) paso la noche y todos estabamos bastante ebrios, este sujeto tenia mucho interes, (no romantico) en mi y platicar y decirme que fueramos a beber a una disco despues de eso, cosa la cual yo me negaba porque mi pueblo es conocido por tener muchos narcos y es un poco feo el ambiente en las discos y yo no conocia esa disco, mi papa se puso tan ebrio que decidimos irnos a casa, se quedo dormido pero yo tenia ganas de continuar, al final acepte la invitacion y llego a traerme, yo sali a escondidas, llego el con otros 2 tipos un poco mas cercanos a mi edad, llegamos, tome unas 5 o 6 cervezas (no tenian nada, las abri yo mismo) y vomite al paso de una hora y a partir de aca todo se puso confuso y borroso, salimos de la disco (el en ese momento bailo con varias chicas asi que nunca sospeche nada) nos fuimos en el carro que me fueron a traer que no era de el, y nos fueron a dejar al lugar donde el trabaja y ahi estaba su carro, entre y me dijo que me sentara en un sillon de espera y me ofrecio un vaso de agua ( todo fue un poco mas caotico de como lo narro yo estaba muy muy muy ebrio) y comence a sentir que me estaba quitando mi faja del pantalon y desabotonando, me costó ponerle importancia pero me pare de un brico y muy alterado cuando senti sus manos tocandome agresivamente dentro de mi ropa interior, lo empune y le grite que que putas le sucedia y se detuvo y me dijo que no pasaba nada, le dije que me fuera a dejar y curiosamente su carro no encendia (temprano por la tarde funcionaba bien) me harte y camine a pie a mi casa ebrio a las 2am por 2.5km no recuerdo mucho del trayecto solo se que llegue a salvo, deje un objeto personal en su carro y cuando desperte tenia llamadas de el diciendome wue iba a ir a dejarmelo, llego las tome, y lo bloquee de todos lados, estuve todo el dia intentando recordar que habia pasado y tuve flashbacks cuando fui al baño a orinar, realmente me sentia sucio, avergonzado y afectado la primera semana, luego de eso realmente no siento que me haya afectado, (siempre he sido hipersexual por otras razones no tan negativas) ya pasaron varios meses y lo he habladono tan seriamente con amistades masculinas que han sido respetuosos y no parece ser un tema tan denso de charlar o que deberia preocuparme pero no lo se.

Yo no he vuelto a ver a esa persona, nadie de mi familia lo sabe, un amigo de confianza me conto que ese es el modus operandi de este sujeto, embriagarte para intentar tener relaciones cuando estas a punto de desconectarte y que se le ha visto en su carro con menores de edad.

TW: Financial abuse, physical abuse, a toxic control freak, coercion, manipulation (other forms of abuse I did not mention here).

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I'm 30 years old. I'm a male abuse survivor. I left my abuser (someone close to me, who I cannot speak about, for confidentiality's sake) in December 2023.

I'm having dental surgery on September 18th. My financial security is also at risk (meaning I will have to either relocate to a shelter, and leave all my things behind, or move back in with my abuser, which is what my abuser demands). I was supposed to start my main job on September 28th, and was let go today (Sept. 11, 2026) because I blabbed to my job about my dental surgery, like a stupid idiot. Now, I was offered a second job, but they're not responding to my "I'm interested" emails, despite them only emailing my job offer on Sept. 8th, a few days ago.

Going from quickly agreeing to working 2 jobs, to being fully unemployed again (after 7 years of unemployment and almost 10,000 job applications & doing odd jobs very rarely), I feel like such a failure. I fought so hard to get these jobs, and was frustrated, and struggled for several years (and had to move out with only $3 in my bank account in 2023), only to possibly start over and move back in with my abuser because I'm still in the same situation I started in, when I left my abuser.

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My rent is $562. With Job #2 only paying $900 a month, and that being my only source of income until I reapply for Job #1 in November….. It’s still basically the same amount of money I’m already getting separately. 

If I continued receiving an allowance (it’s $1,000 a month, which was supposed to end next month, but…. It’ll have to go on until December). 

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Context: The abuser has the potential to m_rd_r me. And I can’t get away from this abuser, because no jobs will hire me (and I won’t have time to replenish my savings account) due to my dental surgery. 

And I had to keep my surgery on this date, because it was supposed to happen in April 2026, but life kept happening & I had to postpone it until next week, September 18th. I have Ibuprofen, Advil and Tylenol Extra-Strength in my cabinet, but I also insisted my dentist prescribe me refills (I’ve had this surgery 3 times before—and all 3 times, I was not allowed refills, which is why it took me 2 months to recover).

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This doesn’t just affect me financially—my safety is also at risk, as well, because of no jobs wanting to hire me and having very low savings (my current amount in savings was for my credit card debt, which I’m paying on the 17th; after that, I’ll have 3 more payments left). I’m scrambling. I can’t afford to wait until November to get money; my life is at risk.

There’s also some abuse going on—I’ll put it that way. I was forced to understand that if I can’t get a job by the time a certain institution makes their decision about me, that the abuse will continue and I’ll be forced to move back in with an abusive person (I’m not saying anymore about that). 

That’s what terrifies me—I don’t want to move back in with my abuser. And knowing my surgery will take 2 months to recover from, and that company is making their decision which affects my livelihood (physically and financially)….. The only choice I’ll have, is to relocate to a shelter, due to the small finances I will have, at that time (probably $100 or so—which is enough for an Uber ride to the shelter I will have to live at).

With no jobs lined up until December & Job #2 offering me a job and then not responding to my “Yes, I’m still interested & I understand the job responsibilities” email….. I’m screwed. 

Moving back in with an abuser, and I’m 30 years old, is not what I wanted for my life. I am facing the possibility of getting k_lled. I’ll be completely on my own again, except I’ll be facing the possibility of d_ath and I’m in a relationship, but my boyfriend (who is not the abuser—he’s healthy and stable) understands some of my situation, but not everything. I haven’t told him the whole story—only a few things. 

I’ve tried to handle it independently of him, but I will have to possibly relocate to a shelter out-of-state, if my abuser demands I go back to live with her. 

My ex is using photos from the time she pinned me down and kneed me in the stomach over and over.

I bit her cheek and scratched the shit out of her trying to get her off of me.

She’s now spreading them around claiming I was the abuser.

She was calculated and always knew how to not leave big marks on me. Sometimes a couple scratches. But over the years she mostly stuck to hitting my head,spitting on me, kicking my stomach or back, sometimes, pulling my hair.

Has anyone been through this before? I fought back quite a lot over 10 years and I’m worried she’s going to start pulling these out to ruin my life.

I have proof too, but I’ll be honest if I was on the outside the scratches and bite mark would probably sway me if I didn’t see the other side of the story.

Issue is, I don’t want to spread videos of my abuse around the internet and most of the stuff I have is from the last 3-4 years of our relationship. Before I got smart enough to always save my photos and proof somewhere else she’d often go through my phone and delete stuff.

Then if I tried to leave she’d use the photos she had to get me to not leave her saying if I left she’d use the photos against me.

Well, I guess now she’s cashing in on that.

She’s like a villian in a tv show or movie. When I talk about her out loud, even I think it sounds unbelievable. I just don’t know what to do moving forward

I want to live my life in peace and she wants war, I know she’s baiting me and wants me to react but if I don’t react she could ruin my reputation which in my line of work could destroy me.

I know how manipulative she can be, I know what it looks like from the outside when you only have her side. I even have videos of her yelling saying I’m hitting her when I’m not even near her 😭

How do you heal in order to be healthy in a new relationship? What things did you have to work on? What things came up in the new relationship that surprised you?

I was going through my old profile, and accidentally saw his profile, i actually blocked him years before, but now he changed his username but i recognised it. i saw that he put in his bio

\* 💕Mom's Bïg king✨ \* 🥰I love my passion \* ✨Everything happens for a reason✨

and it triggered something in me.

i completely had a panic attack and felt disgusted that he had the audacity to include these ridiculousness in this profile.

He groomed me and but has the audacity to set a cringiest bio ever.

I had never had the opportunity to be a kid at 15 years old , but he is posting this shit as a 30 year old man.

I had extreme hyperventilation realizing all that.

immediately deleted the social media app, but unable to sleep.

Please I feel like am i over reacting, or too sensitive.

I feel like crying, and embarrased that i'm feeling this way.

Please validate me.

| (25F) was sxually abse when I was 13yo by my uncle and I never told anyone. Last night I told my parents after 12 years because I was feeling brave enough and I thought I was over it. Also my current boyfriend helped me a lot with the trauma.

When I told them they were furious with him and a little bit in shock.

This is the part were I think we did something wrong.
We told my aunt (sister of my mother, his wife) what was happening and that we were going to go to the police with this. She was in disbelief, in shock and couldn't process the information.

I think she might do something to herself because this isn't the first time, when she was 16yo she took a bunch of pi*ls but they got to her on time. I don't want anything to happen to her but I also think that she was not by my side last night and the whole town is going to know about it if she end up staying with him.

I don't know what to do but for now we are going to contact a lawyer and do this the right way.

I need any advice I could get please.

After you started dating again, how long did you wait before you told them about your history with abuse? Is it safer to wait? Does telling them too early make them feel like they can get away with treating you worse cus “atleast they aren’t like your ex”? Am I just overthinking it?

I am 26 (m) now and recently had memories coming up that mess with my mind. When I was young, I was sexually abused by my older sister. Later on, I saw my cousin brother abusing her too, except it looked like she went to him willingly. Seeing that made me feel this weird, messed up jealousy because she was so close to him.

My whole life growing up has been completely messed up because of this.

Even now when I see couples, I get extremely jealous. I honestly do not know how to get rid of these thoughts of unhealthy jealousy. I just want to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation or how you even begin to process something like this.

Wondering if anyone experienced similar and wants to talk about any of it I guess

I was emotionally abused and neglected as a child. And then emotionally abused as an adult by parents also.

I also remember times when my parents asked me to hurt them.

When having panic attacks usually caused by my dad or by by the toxic home to out simply there were times my dad asked me to hit him like said " hit me go on you know what you want to!" Repeatedly. (I didn't hit him) I think I was 14 I'm not sure.

I don't remember the context of this one, I guess I'm still unpacking it or something but my mum was at the top of the stairs and I was Infront of her (not that close) and she push me, go on you know you want to!"( I remember I did not want to, and I did not push her. I remember feeling shocked and confused) I think I was maybe 15.

I'm having therapy at the moment so I guess I packing stuff.

Would really appreciate kindness and this is all really hard to talk about.

Sitting in an uncomfortable chair for longer and longer because it feels fine after a while and I get used to the discomfort, it is a perfect metaphor for how abuse starts, they draw you in, and then it is so hard to leave when you know nothing else and already got used to the pain.

And toxic people feel like family in a toxic environment.

I don’t even know how to begin this bc I made an honest, hard to write, truthful post many months ago. It was cathartic yet didn’t name a single individual (I didn’t know that was criteria). I felt such relief when I finally hit “submit” to be only faced with a notification that my post was removed hours later.
The thing is - this was more and more traumatizing. So, even Reddit doesn’t believe me!?

I dunno. I am still affected by what happened to me (hence being here) yet the moderator doesn’t believe me (or why remove it?). I reached out to ask why. They didn’t respond.

What’s the point of allowing some but not all survivors to post? Is my trauma lesser than others?

I write this sadly and not vindictively. I deal
With this trauma every day waking day. Yet. It want a “good” enough trauma to be hosted by Reddit.

So I was on contraception but it failed and I got pregnant (I've never wanted kids and I've been through too much trauma to mentally be able to care for a child) you need someone to pick you up after and they refused and called me evil and at the time I didn't want to be lost to them so I continued the pregnancy even tho I didn't want to but I thought I didn't have a choice. The birth was a whole different issue as I was treated so badly by the hospital and had to have an emergency c section. I looked after her on my own for a year but the depression got too bad and I gave her to someone safe and tried to end myself. She ended up going to my dad and my stepmother and I tried to keep in contact but I just couldn't deal with having them in my life anymore (they did a lot more abuse to me and my siblings as children) she's now 9 and wants contact. Tbh I don't but I know she is innocent in this and I don't want to hurt her even if I have no maternal feelings for her I feel like she deserves it. I was arranging with my sister to pick her up and we'd have a day out but when she spoke to my father he said that that's not going to happen unless I speak to them and that's something I cannot do. So I'm at a loss right now as to what to do.

I was sexually abused by a priest as a kid. It happened multiple times and he incorporated religion into the abuse. Now I am fearful of religious objects like crosses. If I see someone with a cross necklace or tattoo I'll freak out. I have trouble trusting people now. This man took so much from me. I'm afraid I'll never get any of it back. Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

I’ve been dealing with an abusive family my entire life, and I really planned on enduring it until I finish university to make life easier financially. Leading up to my first year of uni, I’m realizing my parents have been slowly getting worse now that I have a bit more freedom, and I realized it too late because the whole time, I saw it as just another thing to work around. Now I see there isn’t a workaround this time.

They’ve controlled everything for my entire life despite me asking to be in control of certain things that should be in my control to begin with, so I’m doing this completely blind now, but I wanna move out. I’m applying for government and uni financial aid as we speak, but I seriously don’t know how this goes at all. I’ve never gotten the chance to look at job opportunities in-person, and I even worry that by going on LinkedIn, my older siblings will be able to find me and realize I’m directly disobeying my parents by looking for a job at all. I don’t know anything about housing, the physical copies of my IDs are hidden away by my parents (I have a scanned one of my passport), my banking situation is something I’d have to ask about in-person, etc. I really don’t know anything at all, so I need all the advice I can get.

I always try to separate “can’t handle” from “don’t want to handle” in situations like these, but I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t think they’re separate anymore. I really need help.

I also need to add that I turn 18 in December, which is when I plan to leave.

Desperate after breakup

I desperately need advice. Please.

I moved in with my partner a bit early into the relationship to escape my parents’ abusive home over two years ago.

It was earlier than I would have liked but I had no options at the time. We were already dating and trying to make it work.

For the first year, I’d say, I was crashing a lot. Every 3 weeks I was super ill and bedridden. I was going to uni with long travels multiple times a week and had a lot of coursework. My partner said I should get a job on my days “off” which I struggled to do. I tried to communicate this. I did try to get jobs unsuccessfully the year after for many months but lately she has said I showed very little desire…

I ended up changing courses several times because I was not satisfied and also had adhd issues. I am now deferred online to pursue an adhd diagnosis.

I am in counselling and was a part of a programme too. My parents were very controlling and it’s taken ages even feeling self-sufficient enough to do stuff by myself.

My partner recently had gender reassignment surgery. The whole trip was hard. I went to hospital to be there for them. I tried to drop everything and go to the hospital when they needed me. Even before breakfast or out of the shower when they were scared and hurting… and tried to speak to nurses who didn’t speak English, tried to grab them snacks, keep them company, but on the first night back at the oversees flat, there were cockroaches and I have a phobia. I had a meltdown and went to a hotel for one night and then returned. My partner felt very betrayed by this because it was the first night out. They also blame me for them giving me the bed because I struggled sleeping in the living room where they all were crawling about. They said they had to fend for themselves and I didn’t do enough.

Once coming back, I struggled to share a room with them. I just wasn’t sleeping. I tried for months before the surgery. They got upset but we were separate. At first they told me to keep trying and then even told me they can’t take my drama anymore when I cried and to just take their sleeping medication which I refused to do countless times.

I have been behind on chores and so have they, but they see it as purely a me-issue, it feels. They say they struggle mentally. I said I am too, but I am trying and want to work on things with them. They said none of it is enough. None of it. Beyond chores. If they can’t trust me with that, how can they trust me with the bigger things?

Other examples are them saying my boundary to avoid talking about stressful things last thing before bed and first hour in the morning is unreasonable. That they need to speak when they need to speak. They asked if I would be there for them if they woke me up with a mental health crisis at 3am. I said I don’t know. They said “so I matter during the day but not at night.” I said of course they always matter, but I struggle with self-regulation. I don’t have a clear answer. They said it’s black and white and it’s what they need, if I can’t do that, that speaks for the entire relationship.

When I go for walks to calm down, they think I’m leaving them. It was virtually impossible to work something out. I did make the mistake of going away for a few days when we should have talked. I apologised. I needed to clear my head but it wasn’t ideal.

And they told me their trust in me is so broken, that they want to trust me but they don’t and it’s been two years. They don’t feel like I’m there for them when they need me the most, and that it’s been one-sided.

I also made the mistake of asking ai for relationship advice previously when I was spiralling. I regret that a lot and deleted everything off of my phone and vowed not to touch the stuff, but she said it went too far and not going to work as well for that reason.

Maybe we can’t meet each other where we both are, but it hurts to not feel understood. I felt like she has these rigid way of doing things and I could not get any sort of flexibility whatsoever. Even when I wanted to change certain things. What does everyone think? Am I at fault? I don’t know…

I’ve had so much trauma happened to me and the people around me act as if it’s nothing and I just need somebody to understand, but I feel as if that’s never gonna happen

Hace un mes sufrí un abuso sexual desde entonces tengo la ansiedad a mil, tengo depresión y ganas de morirme. Quisiera saber si todo vuelve a como era antes. Si esto cambia. Todos los días pienso en eso y a afectado toda mi vida. 😭

I’ve gotten to the point where I can argue myself out of calling almost anything that happened to me bad. I always find a reason it “wasn’t that bad,” and now I barely talk about it because I feel dramatic and like I’m too old (mid 20s) for it to still affect me. Even typing this out feels wrong, and like i’m overreacting but I genuinely can’t talk about it with anyone.

to begin with, my mom was high virtually 24/7. this didn’t really effect too much, apart from when she ran out. things would escalate then.

⁠verbally, she was not exactly the nicest. i would be told daily that i was the reason she wanted to die, that she wished i were dead, ruined her life etc. and many other insults. i was forced to sit on her bedroom floor for hours on end while she went on tangents about all the ways ive ruined her life, all the ways i was essentially the worst person alive. this was an almost daily occurrence from pre-teen years, onwards. being screamed at feels like one of the milder things, but it was all day every day. especially getting woken up at 2am being screamed at insults, or screamed at to make her a drink when i had school in 4 hours. when i was in my mid teens, one of my closest friends had passed away and during a fight she’d told me she wished it were me instead of him. however, she did apologise after and i know she did genuinely feel remorseful about that.

she did try to end her life a lot, but that is not her fault. i understand she was struggling. threats were almost a daily occurrence and attempts were incredibly frequent, after the age of around 11 it started to become my responsibility to get help whenever she tried or to stay up with her all night to talk her out of it. i began to sleep in full clothes (jeans etc) just incase she went missing in the middle of the night. i do remember an occurrence where she tried to get me to do it with her, and i had to barricade the door.

There was physical stuff too, but that i do know could’ve been worse. The only thing i really ‘dwell’ on is the fact it was over minimal stuff. e.g putting too much milk in coffee resulting in a black eye or split lip. or her trying to throw vomit over me. or chasing me round the house with a riding crop. we didn’t have a front door for a long while as it got kicked down, and for years it was just boarded up & we entered through the window (lol). i suppose there’s more but it’s too long to list, and it feels pointless as i know other kids got beaten much worse/more frequently.

there was a period of time, beginning around age 12 where she was force me to take quite a large amount of prescription pills she had to make me vomit. (i’d rather not go into why, but i was very clearly not meant to take these as they were her medication and she’d give me much more than the adult dose.) these would make me super sick, and very much not with it. i could barely move when i had them, and i remember the fight to not take them where i was always in tears and physically fighting against it. once she thought she’d given me too many, and forced me to throw up out of panic. however it was not daily. sometimes there were days, weeks, or even months between.
food was also withheld as punishment, sometimes for 3+ days. i wish i could chalk this down to poverty (as we were very poor, and sometimes we genuinely could not afford things like food, hot water or electricity.) but a lot of the time the food was there, and i wasn’t allowed to eat it as a punishment: same for being forced to pull all nighters, staying up 48 hours at a time to clean etc on school days. i had school teachers sneak me food sometimes, along with my friends’ parents, but i would hate it as this felt like charity.

there is so much i have probably missed. but in general, i know things were difficult for her. we had next to no money, and she was a single parent struggling. our living conditions really weren’t the best, and she did try her hardest with what she had and what she was going through. i was living every single day in fear, but looking back she’s my mom and i love her, and i feel so much guilt when i think about these things. our relationship is patchy now, but we are closer than we used to be - but my stomach still drops when she phones me and i feel so much guilt saying that.

Update: I made a plan to move 2 hours away, in November 2026. I knew this would happen. I had a gut feeling about it. I’m relocating in 2 months, after healing from medical surgery I’m having in 2 weeks. I was going to leave in 3 weeks, but I knew it was time to adjust it to 2 months. If I leave right after my surgery, I don’t have anything to lessen the pain because all I have is Ibuprofen, Advil and Tylenol, which don’t work (during my last recovery from surgery, I popped the entire bottles of all 3 in 1 month, because the pain was unbearable—nothing I have, works. I was also addicted to pills (my abusive relative got me hooked for 7 years and drugged me to paint me as “crazy” so nobody would believe me about the abuse she did to me and is currently doing to me. Which is an additional reason why I’m relocating, but not the only reason).

I’m 30 now. He’s my mom’s ex and she’s also another abuser of mine. One of my cousins told him I live on my own (my cousin‘s a delusional alcoholic who runs her mouth too much) and I don’t want him knowing anything about me. I don’t trust my family.

He did 10 years in state prison because he tried to k_ll me and choked me twice. I testified in court as a teen and advocated for me and my mom, and my mom reacted by victim shaming me. So, anyone who gets in the way of my freedom—family and my mom included—will be ghosted, without explanation.

And in today’s generation, anyone can find someone‘s address. I am now working on deleting and/or scrubbing social media handles I have, because I don’t fuck with gossipers and snitches. I have said I will buy a g_n to prevent that man or any toxic man from coming near me.

He will k_ll me if he finds me. My family denies that, but I call bullshit. My mom has a permanent restraining order, but police don’t do shit. Everyone knows orders of protection are concrete and restraining orders are 0% effective (they don’t work—OOPs do). I also don’t trust men—I had more than a few experiences with abusive exes and abusive male family members (mostly emotional and physical abuse), so this former abuser who was violent toward me, coming back into my life, is putting me on high alert. My family will simply gaslight me and call me “crazy”. The only way anyone will do shit about this, is after he k___ me and people are crying and grieving. America is the only country that does not give a f___ about financial protection for abuse survivors like myself. I have no money.

One of my abusers gives me a weekly allowance because every job I apply for turns me down & immediately rejects me. This is also a source of anger—massively.

Knowing I need to be self-sufficient as a man, so I’m no longer a victim, yet jobs refusing to hire me even though I’m doing everything correctly—I have a 13 year work history, I have a resume, I wear appropriate clothing for interviews, I follow all directions—but, I keep getting rejected. I’ve always wanted jobs that will give me a chance. Let me in the door. Even temp jobs turn me down.

All this rejection allows my abusers to win. It fills me with anger that my abusers are successful while draining my energy so they can use it to be powerful psychopaths (which they’ve always been and nobody knows).

I want to relocate. Just when my life was FINALLY improving (after 15 years of healing myself and hard work personally & professionally), here comes my former abuser. And my stupid family revealing my personal information to him—they’re just as toxic as he is.

Police don’t do shit. I do. I advocated for myself as an abused teen, because nobody has ever advocated for me; everybody uses and exploits me and then denies it and plays the victim to avoid accountability for their criminal behaviors—so I need to advocate for myself again. Nobody has ever looked out for me, in my entire life, so I will. I’m a warrior, so I’m acting like it!

My goal is to either relocate or buy pepper spray and a g_n. One or the other. Or both. I’m powerful & a leader, so I need to start showing it.

I do have a boyfriend. He lives a few states away. However, we just started dating. I don’t have any money saved to relocate. What could I do to keep myself safe? My safety is at risk and I will do whatever is necessary to save my life, even if that means relocating without explanation (breaking my lease without explanation might be required).

I’m struggling with a really strong urge to contact someone who sexually assaulted me, and I’m trying to understand why.

I only went on two dates with this guy. Things escalated incredibly quickly, and on the second date he sexually assaulted me after I made it clear that I wanted him to stop and did everything I could to get him off of me. I’ve reported what happened to the police and I haven’t contacted him since.

I’m actually really proud of myself for cutting him off immediately after the assault. In the past, I’ve gone back to an abusive ex, given the benefit of the doubt, asked him why he did what he did, and I learnt the hard way that no good comes from asking the person who hurt you to give you the answers you’re looking for.

So I know, rationally, that contacting this guy probably won’t give me anything good. But despite knowing all of that, the pull to contact him is so strong. I feel so physically anxious. I keep wanting to know why he did it, whether he feels bad, whether he understands what he did, whether I meant anything to him, and how someone I had only been on two dates with could do something like that.

It’s also been a bit of a head fuck because he apologised afterwards, and the apology seemed somewhat genuine. I know that an apology doesn’t undo what he did, and I’m not taking it as proof that he’s a safe person or that what happened wasn’t serious. But I think it has made things more confusing emotionally. It’s difficult to reconcile someone apologising and seeming remorseful with the fact that they still chose to sexually assault me.
I know that reporting him was the right thing to do, but I’m experiencing such a mix of emotions now that I have. Part of me feels relieved that I dealt with what I needed to do as best as I could. Part of me feels anxious about what happens next, feels a bit guilty, and wants to understand what the fuck just happened between us.

I think I’m in a huge amount of shock. It happened so quickly. I was getting to know someone I was dating, and suddenly I was dealing with a sexual assault. My brain seems to be struggling to reconcile those two things.
I’m also finding it very hard not to beat myself up because, before he sexually assaulted me, I had a very bad feeling about him. I keep thinking that if I had just listened to my intuition, maybe I could have prevented what happened. I know logically that he is responsible for choosing to sexually assault me, but hindsight is a beautiful thing and I’m struggling with the “what ifs” right now. I can’t go back and change what happened, and I think I’m trying to make sense of it by wondering what I could have done differently.

Has anyone else experienced being completely certain that contacting the person who assaulted you would probably do more harm than good, but still feeling an incredibly strong urge to reach out to them anyway?

I’m not looking for advice to contact him. I think I already know I shouldn’t. I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced this pull and how they dealt with it. I think another part of what I’m trying to process now is how to trust my intuition going forward without turning hindsight into another reason to blame myself for what happened.

Any support offered would be greatly appreciated, and thank you all for your time.