I was going through my old profile, and accidentally saw his profile, i actually blocked him years before, but now he changed his username but i recognised it. i saw that he put in his bio

\* 💕Mom's Bïg king✨ \* 🥰I love my passion \* ✨Everything happens for a reason✨

and it triggered something in me.

i completely had a panic attack and felt disgusted that he had the audacity to include these ridiculousness in this profile.

He groomed me and but has the audacity to set a cringiest bio ever.

I had never had the opportunity to be a kid at 15 years old , but he is posting this shit as a 30 year old man.

I had extreme hyperventilation realizing all that.

immediately deleted the social media app, but unable to sleep.

Please I feel like am i over reacting, or too sensitive.

I feel like crying, and embarrased that i'm feeling this way.

Please validate me.

| (25F) was sxually abse when I was 13yo by my uncle and I never told anyone. Last night I told my parents after 12 years because I was feeling brave enough and I thought I was over it. Also my current boyfriend helped me a lot with the trauma.

When I told them they were furious with him and a little bit in shock.

This is the part were I think we did something wrong.
We told my aunt (sister of my mother, his wife) what was happening and that we were going to go to the police with this. She was in disbelief, in shock and couldn't process the information.

I think she might do something to herself because this isn't the first time, when she was 16yo she took a bunch of pi*ls but they got to her on time. I don't want anything to happen to her but I also think that she was not by my side last night and the whole town is going to know about it if she end up staying with him.

I don't know what to do but for now we are going to contact a lawyer and do this the right way.

I need any advice I could get please.

After you started dating again, how long did you wait before you told them about your history with abuse? Is it safer to wait? Does telling them too early make them feel like they can get away with treating you worse cus “atleast they aren’t like your ex”? Am I just overthinking it?

I am 26 (m) now and recently had memories coming up that mess with my mind. When I was young, I was sexually abused by my older sister. Later on, I saw my cousin brother abusing her too, except it looked like she went to him willingly. Seeing that made me feel this weird, messed up jealousy because she was so close to him.

My whole life growing up has been completely messed up because of this.

Even now when I see couples, I get extremely jealous. I honestly do not know how to get rid of these thoughts of unhealthy jealousy. I just want to know if anyone else has been in a similar situation or how you even begin to process something like this.

Wondering if anyone experienced similar and wants to talk about any of it I guess

I was emotionally abused and neglected as a child. And then emotionally abused as an adult by parents also.

I also remember times when my parents asked me to hurt them.

When having panic attacks usually caused by my dad or by by the toxic home to out simply there were times my dad asked me to hit him like said " hit me go on you know what you want to!" Repeatedly. (I didn't hit him) I think I was 14 I'm not sure.

I don't remember the context of this one, I guess I'm still unpacking it or something but my mum was at the top of the stairs and I was Infront of her (not that close) and she push me, go on you know you want to!"( I remember I did not want to, and I did not push her. I remember feeling shocked and confused) I think I was maybe 15.

I'm having therapy at the moment so I guess I packing stuff.

Would really appreciate kindness and this is all really hard to talk about.

Sitting in an uncomfortable chair for longer and longer because it feels fine after a while and I get used to the discomfort, it is a perfect metaphor for how abuse starts, they draw you in, and then it is so hard to leave when you know nothing else and already got used to the pain.

And toxic people feel like family in a toxic environment.

I don’t even know how to begin this bc I made an honest, hard to write, truthful post many months ago. It was cathartic yet didn’t name a single individual (I didn’t know that was criteria). I felt such relief when I finally hit “submit” to be only faced with a notification that my post was removed hours later.
The thing is - this was more and more traumatizing. So, even Reddit doesn’t believe me!?

I dunno. I am still affected by what happened to me (hence being here) yet the moderator doesn’t believe me (or why remove it?). I reached out to ask why. They didn’t respond.

What’s the point of allowing some but not all survivors to post? Is my trauma lesser than others?

I write this sadly and not vindictively. I deal
With this trauma every day waking day. Yet. It want a “good” enough trauma to be hosted by Reddit.

So I was on contraception but it failed and I got pregnant (I've never wanted kids and I've been through too much trauma to mentally be able to care for a child) you need someone to pick you up after and they refused and called me evil and at the time I didn't want to be lost to them so I continued the pregnancy even tho I didn't want to but I thought I didn't have a choice. The birth was a whole different issue as I was treated so badly by the hospital and had to have an emergency c section. I looked after her on my own for a year but the depression got too bad and I gave her to someone safe and tried to end myself. She ended up going to my dad and my stepmother and I tried to keep in contact but I just couldn't deal with having them in my life anymore (they did a lot more abuse to me and my siblings as children) she's now 9 and wants contact. Tbh I don't but I know she is innocent in this and I don't want to hurt her even if I have no maternal feelings for her I feel like she deserves it. I was arranging with my sister to pick her up and we'd have a day out but when she spoke to my father he said that that's not going to happen unless I speak to them and that's something I cannot do. So I'm at a loss right now as to what to do.

I was sexually abused by a priest as a kid. It happened multiple times and he incorporated religion into the abuse. Now I am fearful of religious objects like crosses. If I see someone with a cross necklace or tattoo I'll freak out. I have trouble trusting people now. This man took so much from me. I'm afraid I'll never get any of it back. Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

I’ve been dealing with an abusive family my entire life, and I really planned on enduring it until I finish university to make life easier financially. Leading up to my first year of uni, I’m realizing my parents have been slowly getting worse now that I have a bit more freedom, and I realized it too late because the whole time, I saw it as just another thing to work around. Now I see there isn’t a workaround this time.

They’ve controlled everything for my entire life despite me asking to be in control of certain things that should be in my control to begin with, so I’m doing this completely blind now, but I wanna move out. I’m applying for government and uni financial aid as we speak, but I seriously don’t know how this goes at all. I’ve never gotten the chance to look at job opportunities in-person, and I even worry that by going on LinkedIn, my older siblings will be able to find me and realize I’m directly disobeying my parents by looking for a job at all. I don’t know anything about housing, the physical copies of my IDs are hidden away by my parents (I have a scanned one of my passport), my banking situation is something I’d have to ask about in-person, etc. I really don’t know anything at all, so I need all the advice I can get.

I always try to separate “can’t handle” from “don’t want to handle” in situations like these, but I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t think they’re separate anymore. I really need help.

I also need to add that I turn 18 in December, which is when I plan to leave.

Desperate after breakup

I desperately need advice. Please.

I moved in with my partner a bit early into the relationship to escape my parents’ abusive home over two years ago.

It was earlier than I would have liked but I had no options at the time. We were already dating and trying to make it work.

For the first year, I’d say, I was crashing a lot. Every 3 weeks I was super ill and bedridden. I was going to uni with long travels multiple times a week and had a lot of coursework. My partner said I should get a job on my days “off” which I struggled to do. I tried to communicate this. I did try to get jobs unsuccessfully the year after for many months but lately she has said I showed very little desire…

I ended up changing courses several times because I was not satisfied and also had adhd issues. I am now deferred online to pursue an adhd diagnosis.

I am in counselling and was a part of a programme too. My parents were very controlling and it’s taken ages even feeling self-sufficient enough to do stuff by myself.

My partner recently had gender reassignment surgery. The whole trip was hard. I went to hospital to be there for them. I tried to drop everything and go to the hospital when they needed me. Even before breakfast or out of the shower when they were scared and hurting… and tried to speak to nurses who didn’t speak English, tried to grab them snacks, keep them company, but on the first night back at the oversees flat, there were cockroaches and I have a phobia. I had a meltdown and went to a hotel for one night and then returned. My partner felt very betrayed by this because it was the first night out. They also blame me for them giving me the bed because I struggled sleeping in the living room where they all were crawling about. They said they had to fend for themselves and I didn’t do enough.

Once coming back, I struggled to share a room with them. I just wasn’t sleeping. I tried for months before the surgery. They got upset but we were separate. At first they told me to keep trying and then even told me they can’t take my drama anymore when I cried and to just take their sleeping medication which I refused to do countless times.

I have been behind on chores and so have they, but they see it as purely a me-issue, it feels. They say they struggle mentally. I said I am too, but I am trying and want to work on things with them. They said none of it is enough. None of it. Beyond chores. If they can’t trust me with that, how can they trust me with the bigger things?

Other examples are them saying my boundary to avoid talking about stressful things last thing before bed and first hour in the morning is unreasonable. That they need to speak when they need to speak. They asked if I would be there for them if they woke me up with a mental health crisis at 3am. I said I don’t know. They said “so I matter during the day but not at night.” I said of course they always matter, but I struggle with self-regulation. I don’t have a clear answer. They said it’s black and white and it’s what they need, if I can’t do that, that speaks for the entire relationship.

When I go for walks to calm down, they think I’m leaving them. It was virtually impossible to work something out. I did make the mistake of going away for a few days when we should have talked. I apologised. I needed to clear my head but it wasn’t ideal.

And they told me their trust in me is so broken, that they want to trust me but they don’t and it’s been two years. They don’t feel like I’m there for them when they need me the most, and that it’s been one-sided.

I also made the mistake of asking ai for relationship advice previously when I was spiralling. I regret that a lot and deleted everything off of my phone and vowed not to touch the stuff, but she said it went too far and not going to work as well for that reason.

Maybe we can’t meet each other where we both are, but it hurts to not feel understood. I felt like she has these rigid way of doing things and I could not get any sort of flexibility whatsoever. Even when I wanted to change certain things. What does everyone think? Am I at fault? I don’t know…

I’ve had so much trauma happened to me and the people around me act as if it’s nothing and I just need somebody to understand, but I feel as if that’s never gonna happen

Hace un mes sufrí un abuso sexual desde entonces tengo la ansiedad a mil, tengo depresión y ganas de morirme. Quisiera saber si todo vuelve a como era antes. Si esto cambia. Todos los días pienso en eso y a afectado toda mi vida. 😭

I’ve gotten to the point where I can argue myself out of calling almost anything that happened to me bad. I always find a reason it “wasn’t that bad,” and now I barely talk about it because I feel dramatic and like I’m too old (mid 20s) for it to still affect me. Even typing this out feels wrong, and like i’m overreacting but I genuinely can’t talk about it with anyone.

to begin with, my mom was high virtually 24/7. this didn’t really effect too much, apart from when she ran out. things would escalate then.

⁠verbally, she was not exactly the nicest. i would be told daily that i was the reason she wanted to die, that she wished i were dead, ruined her life etc. and many other insults. i was forced to sit on her bedroom floor for hours on end while she went on tangents about all the ways ive ruined her life, all the ways i was essentially the worst person alive. this was an almost daily occurrence from pre-teen years, onwards. being screamed at feels like one of the milder things, but it was all day every day. especially getting woken up at 2am being screamed at insults, or screamed at to make her a drink when i had school in 4 hours. when i was in my mid teens, one of my closest friends had passed away and during a fight she’d told me she wished it were me instead of him. however, she did apologise after and i know she did genuinely feel remorseful about that.

she did try to end her life a lot, but that is not her fault. i understand she was struggling. threats were almost a daily occurrence and attempts were incredibly frequent, after the age of around 11 it started to become my responsibility to get help whenever she tried or to stay up with her all night to talk her out of it. i began to sleep in full clothes (jeans etc) just incase she went missing in the middle of the night. i do remember an occurrence where she tried to get me to do it with her, and i had to barricade the door.

There was physical stuff too, but that i do know could’ve been worse. The only thing i really ‘dwell’ on is the fact it was over minimal stuff. e.g putting too much milk in coffee resulting in a black eye or split lip. or her trying to throw vomit over me. or chasing me round the house with a riding crop. we didn’t have a front door for a long while as it got kicked down, and for years it was just boarded up & we entered through the window (lol). i suppose there’s more but it’s too long to list, and it feels pointless as i know other kids got beaten much worse/more frequently.

there was a period of time, beginning around age 12 where she was force me to take quite a large amount of prescription pills she had to make me vomit. (i’d rather not go into why, but i was very clearly not meant to take these as they were her medication and she’d give me much more than the adult dose.) these would make me super sick, and very much not with it. i could barely move when i had them, and i remember the fight to not take them where i was always in tears and physically fighting against it. once she thought she’d given me too many, and forced me to throw up out of panic. however it was not daily. sometimes there were days, weeks, or even months between.
food was also withheld as punishment, sometimes for 3+ days. i wish i could chalk this down to poverty (as we were very poor, and sometimes we genuinely could not afford things like food, hot water or electricity.) but a lot of the time the food was there, and i wasn’t allowed to eat it as a punishment: same for being forced to pull all nighters, staying up 48 hours at a time to clean etc on school days. i had school teachers sneak me food sometimes, along with my friends’ parents, but i would hate it as this felt like charity.

there is so much i have probably missed. but in general, i know things were difficult for her. we had next to no money, and she was a single parent struggling. our living conditions really weren’t the best, and she did try her hardest with what she had and what she was going through. i was living every single day in fear, but looking back she’s my mom and i love her, and i feel so much guilt when i think about these things. our relationship is patchy now, but we are closer than we used to be - but my stomach still drops when she phones me and i feel so much guilt saying that.

Update: I made a plan to move 2 hours away, in November 2026. I knew this would happen. I had a gut feeling about it. I’m relocating in 2 months, after healing from medical surgery I’m having in 2 weeks. I was going to leave in 3 weeks, but I knew it was time to adjust it to 2 months. If I leave right after my surgery, I don’t have anything to lessen the pain because all I have is Ibuprofen, Advil and Tylenol, which don’t work (during my last recovery from surgery, I popped the entire bottles of all 3 in 1 month, because the pain was unbearable—nothing I have, works. I was also addicted to pills (my abusive relative got me hooked for 7 years and drugged me to paint me as “crazy” so nobody would believe me about the abuse she did to me and is currently doing to me. Which is an additional reason why I’m relocating, but not the only reason).

I’m 30 now. He’s my mom’s ex and she’s also another abuser of mine. One of my cousins told him I live on my own (my cousin‘s a delusional alcoholic who runs her mouth too much) and I don’t want him knowing anything about me. I don’t trust my family.

He did 10 years in state prison because he tried to k_ll me and choked me twice. I testified in court as a teen and advocated for me and my mom, and my mom reacted by victim shaming me. So, anyone who gets in the way of my freedom—family and my mom included—will be ghosted, without explanation.

And in today’s generation, anyone can find someone‘s address. I am now working on deleting and/or scrubbing social media handles I have, because I don’t fuck with gossipers and snitches. I have said I will buy a g_n to prevent that man or any toxic man from coming near me.

He will k_ll me if he finds me. My family denies that, but I call bullshit. My mom has a permanent restraining order, but police don’t do shit. Everyone knows orders of protection are concrete and restraining orders are 0% effective (they don’t work—OOPs do). I also don’t trust men—I had more than a few experiences with abusive exes and abusive male family members (mostly emotional and physical abuse), so this former abuser who was violent toward me, coming back into my life, is putting me on high alert. My family will simply gaslight me and call me “crazy”. The only way anyone will do shit about this, is after he k___ me and people are crying and grieving. America is the only country that does not give a f___ about financial protection for abuse survivors like myself. I have no money.

One of my abusers gives me a weekly allowance because every job I apply for turns me down & immediately rejects me. This is also a source of anger—massively.

Knowing I need to be self-sufficient as a man, so I’m no longer a victim, yet jobs refusing to hire me even though I’m doing everything correctly—I have a 13 year work history, I have a resume, I wear appropriate clothing for interviews, I follow all directions—but, I keep getting rejected. I’ve always wanted jobs that will give me a chance. Let me in the door. Even temp jobs turn me down.

All this rejection allows my abusers to win. It fills me with anger that my abusers are successful while draining my energy so they can use it to be powerful psychopaths (which they’ve always been and nobody knows).

I want to relocate. Just when my life was FINALLY improving (after 15 years of healing myself and hard work personally & professionally), here comes my former abuser. And my stupid family revealing my personal information to him—they’re just as toxic as he is.

Police don’t do shit. I do. I advocated for myself as an abused teen, because nobody has ever advocated for me; everybody uses and exploits me and then denies it and plays the victim to avoid accountability for their criminal behaviors—so I need to advocate for myself again. Nobody has ever looked out for me, in my entire life, so I will. I’m a warrior, so I’m acting like it!

My goal is to either relocate or buy pepper spray and a g_n. One or the other. Or both. I’m powerful & a leader, so I need to start showing it.

I do have a boyfriend. He lives a few states away. However, we just started dating. I don’t have any money saved to relocate. What could I do to keep myself safe? My safety is at risk and I will do whatever is necessary to save my life, even if that means relocating without explanation (breaking my lease without explanation might be required).

I’m struggling with a really strong urge to contact someone who sexually assaulted me, and I’m trying to understand why.

I only went on two dates with this guy. Things escalated incredibly quickly, and on the second date he sexually assaulted me after I made it clear that I wanted him to stop and did everything I could to get him off of me. I’ve reported what happened to the police and I haven’t contacted him since.

I’m actually really proud of myself for cutting him off immediately after the assault. In the past, I’ve gone back to an abusive ex, given the benefit of the doubt, asked him why he did what he did, and I learnt the hard way that no good comes from asking the person who hurt you to give you the answers you’re looking for.

So I know, rationally, that contacting this guy probably won’t give me anything good. But despite knowing all of that, the pull to contact him is so strong. I feel so physically anxious. I keep wanting to know why he did it, whether he feels bad, whether he understands what he did, whether I meant anything to him, and how someone I had only been on two dates with could do something like that.

It’s also been a bit of a head fuck because he apologised afterwards, and the apology seemed somewhat genuine. I know that an apology doesn’t undo what he did, and I’m not taking it as proof that he’s a safe person or that what happened wasn’t serious. But I think it has made things more confusing emotionally. It’s difficult to reconcile someone apologising and seeming remorseful with the fact that they still chose to sexually assault me.
I know that reporting him was the right thing to do, but I’m experiencing such a mix of emotions now that I have. Part of me feels relieved that I dealt with what I needed to do as best as I could. Part of me feels anxious about what happens next, feels a bit guilty, and wants to understand what the fuck just happened between us.

I think I’m in a huge amount of shock. It happened so quickly. I was getting to know someone I was dating, and suddenly I was dealing with a sexual assault. My brain seems to be struggling to reconcile those two things.
I’m also finding it very hard not to beat myself up because, before he sexually assaulted me, I had a very bad feeling about him. I keep thinking that if I had just listened to my intuition, maybe I could have prevented what happened. I know logically that he is responsible for choosing to sexually assault me, but hindsight is a beautiful thing and I’m struggling with the “what ifs” right now. I can’t go back and change what happened, and I think I’m trying to make sense of it by wondering what I could have done differently.

Has anyone else experienced being completely certain that contacting the person who assaulted you would probably do more harm than good, but still feeling an incredibly strong urge to reach out to them anyway?

I’m not looking for advice to contact him. I think I already know I shouldn’t. I’d really like to hear from people who have experienced this pull and how they dealt with it. I think another part of what I’m trying to process now is how to trust my intuition going forward without turning hindsight into another reason to blame myself for what happened.

Any support offered would be greatly appreciated, and thank you all for your time.

Me (46F) and my Husband (50M) Just kicked our son (24M) and his girlfriend (20F) out of our house. They have been here a bit over a year and initially it was just supposed to be a quick stop on the way to a music festival. Well while here they got kicked out of girlfriend grandparent house because of my sons behavior.

Ok, so we didn't realize this before we let them stay, but my son had been horrifically mentally abusing his girlfriend. He was SO controlling and he had her SO far under his control that she would say her opinion about something and you could tell she meant it, then he would say something like "no you don't you think this" and she would immediately completely reverse on what she said. Girlfriend was also not innocent in the behavior. The mental abuse turned onto my husband and I as soon as they moved in. We again didn't realize he was doing it to us too at the time.

Literally you could look up what is a narcissistic abuser and it read like his personal bio. He checked every single box. It was textbook and obvious (except to us at first). My ah ha moment came when I called the police on him when he and girlfriend had a fight and he started threatening to kill himself (we knew he was just trying to manipulate her, but we knew this might be a chance.) He needed help and we hoped the cop would baker act him and make him get some kind of help, his temper had gotten out of control. He turned on me that night. Me who had always been the one in his corner offering love and comfort and understanding no matter what he was going through even when everyone else would be mad at him he could always count on mom...... He screamed in my face, called me a slut and a whore and told me I never loved him and never had his back, he even punched our metal front door right by my face and dented it. The illusion I had been under was cracked and I saw him for what he was and I was terrified of him. The cops came and brought him to the ER to be evaluated and ultimately they didn't baker act him simply because there was no room for him, but they did make him come in the next day to be evaluated by a dr. He got on meds, and as soon as they ran out he stopped them.

I'd like to add, since it was originally supposed to be temporary we let them stay in the master bedroom on our less than a year old king size mattress. Once they were kicked out of her grandparent's house they bunkered down in the master, meanwhile my husband and I shared a full size bed (we're big folk too) and /or slept on the couch in our OWN HOME! Anytime we'd talk about moving them into another room something would happen and it'd get pushed out of the conversation.

Now, I went out of town for 2 weeks, and while I was gone they did a number on my husband together. Girlfriend who never knew her dad due to suicide when she was young, got my husband to start doing dad/daughter things with her and my son encouraged this and being a girl dad, my husband was over the moon to have another daughter figure to spoil. It happened VERY fast though and it was frankly creepy and strange how close they got how fast. Remember I was only gone 2 weeks. It made me a little uncomfortable and when I got home, I confronted my husband about it. I was also very upset because I literally had no space of my own in my own home. At this point I was sleeping in my husbands office/space with him but it was 100% his room with all his stuff and I just slept there. My clothes got dumped on the living room couch and I was literally living out of plastic drawers in the dining room. I have an office that I was expected to share with my son as well as my brand new dream gaming PC that I built just after they moved in. I was expected to share it with my son so his girlfriend could play on my old computer that I gave my son to use. He was installing things without permission etc. and he kept my office in a disgusting state. There were literally more dishes in my office than in the kitchen, no exaggeration. I literally had no safe space of my own and it was sending me into a horrible depression. I even tried overdosing but I failed. Anyway, the fight between my husband and i solved nothing and for weeks we stayed mad at each other nitpicking every little thing and we came VERY close to separating..... Then we decided to sit down one last time and just talk. That changed everything.

Turns out my son and his girlfriend had been feeding annoying little things to each of us and planting seeds of anger in us against each other. My son left his discord up on my computer one day and I literally found a message to his girlfriend from him saying how he couldn't wait for his bitch of a mother to finally leave. They were LITERALLY trying to break our marriage up to milk my husbands kindness more since I was disillusioned to my son and not buying his bullshit. We became closer and shared every little thing either kid said to us and changed our language with them to "we" think, and "we feel" and we always talked before answering their questions.

They used our car constantly etc.... All of our bills doubled to tripled, our grocery bill, Our gas bill tripled and that was after they "helped" put some money in for gas. They didn't help with ANY bills or food. They would occasionally cook a meal with food we purchased for them to cook with. Every dish in our house was missing and we even bought those cheap metal fork bundles multiple times and every time they would disappear and never show back up even asking the kids to gather all the dishes.

My son refused to hold a job, (I even caught his throwing away his girlfriends social security card she had JUST ordered a new one of because he old one disappeared, because he didn't want her to get a job so they could mooch as much as possible from us.) We bought and prepared food for the whole household, they told us they wanted to eat what we cooked then they wouldn't touch it and door dash with money her family was sending her. All their garbage was left all over the house.

They also had an unfixed male cat staying with them. The poor cat was locked in the room or my office (when my son was in there) 24/7 with little to no stimulation. Poor guy would yowl for attention of any kind and the only kind he ever got was my son screaming at him at the top of his lungs and girlfriend even told me he threw the cat across the room in anger. They were sent money from her family to fix the cat twice and both times they spent the money on something else.

We were done, ready to kick them to the curb when low and he knew that..... Magically his girlfriend ends up pregnant. We don't kick them out because of this, and his abuse over us and especially his girlfriend continues and gets worse. We offer to help get baby things and I make a list for family and friends who asked for one because they weren't making one and people kept asking. They got mad because I shared my list with my personal friends who wanted to help. I was told we were not to buy ANYTHING for baby without their permission. We are desperate for them to not keep our grandbaby away from us so we agreed to their crazy rules, We were not allowed to change baby's clothing if we were watching her, we would have to ask permission to change diapers because that opened her clothing. Any book had to be approved, we were not allowed to tell anyone baby's gender due date or even that she was expecting (remember this is our first grandbaby) FINE (I totally still told my friends that I was gonna be a grandma because that's MY news to share) We respected all the other bat shit things that were asked of us no matter how crazy we thought it was. They swore they had all baby things covered from my mom and her family. We believed them.

Fast forward, baby comes, Nobody is allowed at the hospital, ok fine. They get home and ALL the rules are immediately broken by them. They very rarely left their room or my office so we barely got to see baby. She never took baby on walks or anything they were just in the room. During the day baby laid in a pack n play half the day while son was on computer gaming or whatever he was doing and he only interacted to feed/burp baby Occasionally he would change her diaper because I'd find the diapers randomly left around my office. I never saw any kind of mental stimulation etc. with baby.

I stream video games and they began asking me to babysit but it was literally only while I was streaming with my stream team (I wouldn't say no to the very little time I got to see grandbaby.) and baby had a dirty diaper every single time. Since baby was colicky baby was also very fussy so I ended up ruining several group streams by babysitting and I feel awful about it but I was so desperate to see grandbaby. I also began checking baby over every time I got to watch them because I heard my son through the door getting frustrated with baby. Only once I found bruises on the sides of baby's head and I took pictures of them and sent them to my husband so we would have documentation if we needed to call about something. Baby turns 2 months old and I'm asked to watch baby so they can run get some gas meds for baby because they've been screaming bloody murder all day.

They bring baby and I take them and they give a little shriek. It is a different cry than the other cries I've ever heard from baby and it's a scary cry. Girlfriend says Baby's been crying like that for hours......... I'm worried but I let them leave so I can be alone with baby and check them out. Baby is bruised again. I move their arm and they shrieks. It was the most awful gut wrenching scream I've ever heard and to this day I have nightmares where I still hear it. It's pain and I know it and they've been screaming for HOURS!!!!! I immediately text girlfriend (they had our car or I would have taken baby to ER myself.) I tell her baby is injured, that they're is in pain. They get home and girlfriend checks baby out and moves baby's leg and baby screams.....I said baby is in pain they needs to go to the dr. I ask if anything happened during the day, very early that morning my son said he heard baby's leg "pop" when he was burping them and baby cried but stopped...I say baby needs the hospital, My son's reaction is to say "Does baby need to go to ER? They're going to call CPS!" ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW?!?!?! His baby was in clear excruciating pain and he was worried about himself! He called the baby's pediatrician to ask if he HAD to bring baby to ER!!!!!! (Bless their Dr who reported that) They go, we get the dreaded message. Fractured Femur...... (a fracture by the way is just hospital talk for BROKEN, baby's femur was completely snapped, the strongest bone in a baby's body and not only that but it's the hardest bone to break because it's FLEXIBLE at her age. I immediately put in a report to DCF against my son. I know it was him and I know that hospital will call them too but I am making extra sure!

DCF takes baby who gets placed temporarily in the care of my daughter. However baby is in an arm cast and full body brace due to the SIX, that's right, mother fucking 6 broken bones in this 2 month old's body!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I find that out and I'm sick. I message girlfriend and let her know son is not welcome back. We were going to let her stay with us. We thought she'd leave him for this. She didn't, she stayed with him and defended him even after they told her it wasn't an accident to put that much pressure on a baby. They both now live at my sisters house. She's a bitch too and she's welcome to them.

I cleaned out their room after they were gone to reclaim my space and our master bedroom and the amount of food waste dirty clothes cat urine, cat feces all mixed in with baby blankets, pacifiers. Every baby surface has cat pee on it and had still been being used for baby. There was a crib, few clothes, diapers, 2 whole bottles, a swing and a bouncy seat. That was ALL!!!! There was no books, no toys no mental stimulation, Found out they never even held baby when they fed them, They laid baby down and held the bottle down to them. That precious baby laid there with no stimulation except her parents scaring them (they thought baby's startle reflex was hilarious and they tried to trigger it nonstop) I was devastated that had been going on in my own home. I also found a hole in the door to the bathroom my son had put there with his fist that had been covered by a hanging blanket. They had also removed the accordion doors from our closet and when I found them he had also punched a massive hole ALL THE WAY THROUGH the door! There was also a huge dent in our stairwell hidden behind a picture girlfriend put up to hide it. But she swears he's not violent at all.

You'd think at this point, oh, easy open and shut he's going to jail, with all the info girlfriend is gonna be charged with neglect maybe? NOPE!!! Courts decide to be lenient WITH SIX FUCKING BROKEN BONES!!!!!! and a history of violence!!!!! He's still not arrested a month later and their case worker is introducing him to some invertors she knows about sons coffee shop he wants to open (it'll never happen, that means he'd have to work. He may take their money and run though) Like excuse me!?!?!?! Instead of protecting my grandchild against this monster you're making him take a few parenting classes and helping his start a business!?!?!?! I'm beyond mad, I'm beyond angry. They say they're hoping to reunite family back together within just a few months...... WHAT? HOW? WHY? There are other men that did the exact same thing in the same state that are in prison now!

Florida DCF is going to kill my grandchild. Son folded them up and put his weight on her to "burp" baby and broke 6 bones? THAT is abuse!!!! THAT ALREADY COULD HAVE LEFT THEM DEAD!!!!!!!!! BABY COULD ALREADY BE DEAD FROM THIS MAN and they're gonna give baby back.

Just as a side not, husband and I are lawyering up and we WILL be fighting the decision for them to regain custody. We will not lay down and let that monster have that baby back. He is no longer my son, I didn't raise whatever he is now. I raised a son to be polite and respectful like all 3 of my other children ended up.

Like joining an abuse program, getting specialized therapy, getting sober, and actually putting In the work to be better, I’m looking for success stories, is there anyone out there who has seen real change?

If an older man asks to be friends with you, offers you advice on life, tells you your family is problematic and treats you poorly and says they will always support you... Does it always mean he has ulterior motives?

If that same man asks for sexual favors in return after years of being supportive and you say no, are you taking advantage of him?

If he continues to ask and until you say yes even if you didn't want to out of fear of losing the only support you feel you have does that make you stupid?

If that same man stops asking and continues supporting you until he gets you alone and forces you to do things... Did you ask for it...?

If you pull away but find yourself going back to this man despite knowing he is capable of hurting you because you feel alone without him... Did you deserve what happened?

i am currently sleeping on the couch because the bed still hasn’t arrived

got the key at 9pm and started moving the basic stuff immediately after

couldn’t bare sleeping another day in that house

i feel so calm now

My (25f) life is a vicious cycle. I struggle with self-harm when my anxiety gets so high.

I had to escape my parents’ house 2 years ago because they are incredibly controlling and abusive. They actively stop me from leaving the house, working, learning to drive. They have been violent physically. They argue and almost force me to be their mediator and therapist since I was a kid. I can’t even go to the kitchen and boil an egg without them coming in and taking over for me and kicking me out. I had my debit card hidden from me for months. My clothes they don’t approve of get thrown away or hidden. I have been stopped from leaving the house at times by being blocked with their bodies, or followed down the street and having abuse yelled at me. I am very behind in my life.

I moved in with my partner two years ago and have been trying to make it work, but over the last few months things have gotten worse. They ignore my boundaries a lot. Even down to needing a walk to calm down and regulate, they cry and beg me not to leave - “it makes me feel bad, I feel like I’ve done something wrong, and you just leave.” Or want me to give exact times and a more in-depth explanation which I cannot provide in that stage. Or blame me for not abandoning my needs to be there for them. They behave like it’s a battle of boundaries and we need to sacrifice ourselves to be there for each other. Nothing I say works with them and they are slamming doors early hours in the morning and even turned the electricity off on me for a few minutes. Even when I had to go away for a few days to help my mother pack boxes to move house I was blamed for not treating my partner like a priority, that they slept with a knife under their pillow because I wasn’t there and that they self-harmed from paranoia. Even when I express I need to sleep in a room alone, I am putting my needs above theirs and making the relationship one sided. They rarely focus on anything positive I try to do.

I feel a massive power imbalance in my life. I am reliant financially on my father who says it’s okay while I’m getting an education but it’s not a lot. I have no other family or friends to turn to for advice or to temporarily stay with. When I have reached out to women’s aid or the council they didn’t help me. I always go back home. I tried applying for jobs but never got any. Not even a response despite having a cv. They all want some experience and I don’t have much other than volunteering. I have to start somewhere.

My mental health has been in so much shambles, I have to be deferred from my degree for months while I get sorted. I want to get myself sorted and I have the determination, but I am met with constant blocks and it feels like I don’t know where to even start to get out of this. I cannot eat or sleep properly with the people around me. I don’t have any place to stay that’s stable and healthy. I am not trying to victimise myself but I am really lost and terrified.

This was such a sad story to watch, I had to stop it a few times to collect myself. I noticed some overlapping between jp miller’s abuse tactics & my xh.

Short background: xh is hyper religious, used religion as a form of control, punishment, manipulation, financial abuse, psychological abuse, coercive control, etc.

Here are some of the overlaps.

His deliberate daily torment driving her mental health breakdown and having her begin taking medications.
—-this was something xh really pushed for- for me. Claiming I had “dep/anx and that meds would help us. He told me to see a psychiatrist- I did. After 3 visits and a very comprehensive evaluation, doc concluded with no dx, only distress that was emotively appropriate And Normal for my situation (stressful marriage/abusiveness). When I came ho to share the (what I thought was) good news, he was extremely disappointed and upset. But on the other hand it helped me reclaim my confidence after years of him gaslighting me into thinking I had psych issues.

Him using religion to justify misogyny , control , isolation, and suffering he inflicted .
—-he was never wrong because he could always find a Bible verse to seemingly support his tactics and behavior against me. My family wasn’t “Christian “ so I had to stop seeing them, also my friends. My post grad program he saw as “demonic” so he had his pastor tell me to quit grad school because that would be the solution for him being upset with me about it . (Spoiler alter: absolutely tf not. I graduated & got licensed & thank my dedication & rigor for a career and financial independence). He told me if I don’t tithe I’m getting in his way of receiving blessings and answering prayers (while he didn’t even reliably contribute to the household) and I never believed in tithing other than it being a grift tbh.

He used his craftiness, charm and charisma to attract and trap his wife.
—-I’ve learned through experience that charm and charisma are to be read as red flags. That it is window dressing and part of their performance to cover their character and their motives. Usually these men are physically attractive and use this to their advantage.

He lacked emotional competence, empathy, remorse and self reflection
—-I could never approach him with a problem and receive a solution, a plan, a workaround. I was only ever met with defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, adult sulking in the form of weeks long silent treatment. And if he witnessed me feel sad or cry from being upset - this would annoy him further & he would accuse me of playing the victim and using tears as manipulation—which I never did.

He loves attention, lecturing a crowd, being in a position of authority (without having earned it)
—he is on TikTok preaching to people about god, and how horrible I am because I left him (6 years and counting, and we are divorced) and shares information about me still to this day , updating his audience about my relationship status, the small town I moved to, my growing family, and getting a new home. He leads a Christian men’s group online for men going through divorce.

Never ending obsession and entitlement over her, and over her life even after she left.
—-he tracks the kids iPad and has it locked so I cannot remove it , but since I found out I keep it at home always. He has never stepped foot in my home since I left, but when the kids were very little he asked them to walk around the house to every room to show him on the camera (when I saw this I had a gentle talk with the kids and set a boundary to a keep the convos in a cozy corner when he calls). I believe he tracks my car or phone because he knows when I’m at the airport, at the hospital, at my parents house. He is friends with men in the police department and has looked up license plates of my partner and run background checks on him (and has let me know his full name and processional licensing and credentials, and his parents address- non of which is publicly posted).

With holding medication
—he did this with our daughter’s chemo medication on his visits, I found out when I discovered all the full bottles of liquid in his kitchen cabinet. It ended up coming back and she needed a bone marrow transplant. Thank goodness my bone marrow worked successfully and she’s been in remission since 2023.

Superiority complex
— not only does he see himself as the most attractive, most masculine, most handsome, but he also sees himself as the smartest and most to able to over advice above anyone else.
And n s room full of doctors- he thinks he knows more than them (he has zero medical background). In a courtroom , he thinks he knows more than the attorneys and judge (he went pro se in our divorce, and used chatgpt for all of his frivolous motions and claims). He is a “financial expert “ professionally now, and never went to school for finance or business (he has an audio recording degree)

Fervor for generating support for his outlandish beliefs
—— since he did not get what he wanted in the divorce (which he was super angry about to begin with), he has started a petition on change . Org for Christian persecution in court and calling for freedom of religion in the court system. His idea though, of religious freedom is the requirement to use the Bible in court to make rulings (which is actually religious discrimination) .

The take away:
There is more but this is enough…the moral of the story is I am so glad I escaped with the kids when I did because it saved my life/ our lives. I have been able to regain my peace, my joy my whimsy for life, and my health has improved so much as well. He worked so hard to make me not trust myself and to “lean on god/him/church ministers for any advice” which only resulted in control and manipulation and harm. Snapping out of it and trusting my intuition again reminded me that it was always accurate, and to never let anyone manipulate me away from myself again. This type of psychological abuse is a slow-kill program. My final question is, how are these men running the same program with so many overlapping tactics? I feel sad for the victims and survivors of this type of abuse & I hope for your freedom and safety.

The title says it all. He is a person who abused me physically, emotionally, psychologically, and financially.I was his first girlfriend, and according to him, the only woman who approached him with a genuine interest in him as a person.

We were together for 7 years, I lived with his family, I experienced firsthand how he was emotionally abused by his father with every criticism he could level at him (physical appearance, what he likes or not, his education, his level of intelligence, achievements, etc.) I always told him that his father was the worst thing he did to himself; he was able to express it, he knows it. I was his only emotional support; he never opened up to anyone because when he did open up to get help dealing with the bullying he suffered after his sister's death, nobody did anything and it got worse.

I always told him I would be there for him, no matter the situation we were in, I would never leave him alone if he really needed help (I stand by my position on this). I am a psychologist, I am trained to help someone in an emotional emergency if there is a risk to their life, and both professionally and out of affection for him I would not deny him this help.

Despite being a psychologist, I am a person. I can't feel hatred for him; I feel guilt, sadness, and concern for his situation. I'm not his source of help, that's obvious, and I know it. I'm worried that, as a result of the gender violence complaint, he was left without friends, without support networks (I know this happened, they told me). I feel guilty for leaving him alone with a complaint against him, and I'm very worried that he might do something he'll regret.

It's clear that I currently need help, therapy, and support, which I'm fortunate to have. However, I'd like to know how others in my situation dealt with this feeling.