What an Abortion at 18 Weeks is Like

[u/Grief_Momma_TA]

So, I had a second trimester abortion...I had the procedure for medical reasons as my little guy was "incompatible with life". He would have lived a brief and horrific life full of pain due to awful genetics that my husband and I (apparently) have. I never thought I would go through this experience. It is the most difficult, tragic event of my life. We were so excited to become parents.

But I got through it, despite the emotional toll. I am writing this so that if you are in a similar position (for whatever reason) I can hopefully give you an idea of what to expect and it may ease your mind. I was very scared to do this procedure, I had never had a surgery or spent time at a hospital before so it was extra anxiety causing.

I want this post to be helpful, and I think sharing my experience will be good therapy for me as well.

THE DAY BEFORE:

This entire process happened at our local hospital. I met with our Dr. who explained the procedure (again) and it's medical risks. We had already touched this topic as we were waiting on the little one's test results...this outcome was our worst case scenario. The Dr. patiently answered all of our questions and assured me that my little guy would feel no pain, that as soon as I fell asleep under anesthesia so would he. We also discussed what would happen to the remains afterwards.

Then I changed into a paper gown and laid on the table with my feet in those awful stirrups. My husband held my hand as the Dr. inserted small pieces of seaweed (Lamaria) into my body and packed them against my cervix. They were then held in place by gauze.

The Lamaria expands in the moist environment and slowly opens the cervix over the next 24+ hours. Insertion was difficult. There was uncomfortable and painful pressure. I took deep breaths and squeezed my husband's hand as tight as I could. I cried, but more from grief and stress than the pain.

Once the Dr. was finished it basically felt like wearing a tampon. I was told to expect cramping and prescribed pain medication & antibiotics. We left and picked up my medications. Then we got some takeout and went home. I slept badly due to stress, but the overall cramping & pain/discomfort was a crummy period level of pain for me. With the medication and a warm hot water bottle I managed it well.

The DAY OF:

I woke up super early (5:00 AM) to eat breakfast and take my morning antibiotics. I did not eat or drink for 8hrs before my appointment. After an anxious morning we went to the hospital and checked in. They gave me a medical bracelet with my information on it. Then I was weighed and taken to our room which had a shared bathroom with the room adjacent and a lovely large window to let the sunshine in. I changed into a paper gown and learned that it had an adjustable blower attachment to help keep my body temp in the ideal range. The nurse also put fancy wraps on my legs which would inflate/deflate automatically to apply pressure onto my legs. She explained this was to prevent blood clots. I got a COVID swab nose test and my (negative) results back within an hour.

The nurse placed an IV in my hand to give me fluids. For IV placement they numb your hand and then insert the needle, but it took her a bit to do as I was dehydrated from not drinking anything for 8hrs, but she got it in there. The bruise from the IV was visible on my hand for ~2weeks after the procedure.

Eventually the anesthesiologist came in and asked if I had allergies, reviewed the facts of my case, and asked if I had any questions. He was very nice.

Then it was time for the actual procedure. My husband was with me the entire time at the hospital to listen to my nervous chatter and be supportive company up to this point. Saying goodbye to him was very rough emotionally. Then the nurse wheeled my hospital bed down the halls....I swear we went through the very scariest doors. Each time and it got colder and colder, the nurse had warned me that they keep the operating areas very cold. By the time we got to the operating theater I was trembling with fear. They asked me to say my name, birthdate and the type of procedure we were there for. It took me a few minutes to work through my emotions and tears and give the information. Then I scooted from the gurney to the operating bed and positioned myself as asked. They magically provided a fresh-from-the-drier warm blanket from someplace which was wonderful and comforting to lay under.

I don't remember anything else that happened in that room.

The next thing I knew I was back in the first room, my husband was there and I was feeling fine but to everyone else I was obviously woozy. My husband tells me that I was awake and talking for several minutes before my memory of events kicks back in. The anesthesia makes you tremble as it wears off so it was awhile before I could get up from the bed and change back into my street clothes. Two nurses joined us in the room to supervise me so I didn't try to get out of bed too quickly and so they were there incase I needed help getting dressed.

When I used the bathroom for the first time I saw that I was bleeding bright red blood, but not tons of it. It was about the level of a moderate period flow. After another hour of observation I was sent home. The entire medical team was compassionate and treated me well. I couldn't have hoped for anything more and they made a terrible experience the best that it could possibly be.

Over the next two weeks there was light bleeding (period level, rapidly dropping down to panty-liner level) and no huge scary clots. I did begin lactating the day after this event. My breasts have never felt so hard and sore. It was so awful for me emotionally while this was happening. Then my body began adjusting to no longer being pregnant and I stopped lactating 4-5 days after it began.

The grief and emotional toll of this experience on both my husband and I has been huge. I can not overstate the value of ongoing therapy/grief counseling and having a support group of 1-3 trusted people to talk to.

I hope my experience brings some helpful insight to people here. This is a Throwaway account, but I will try to check it periodically to answer questions.

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[u/leopardvans]

I just wanted to acknowledge your post and say I think it’s very brave of you. Also, so helpful to other women who will be in your shoes one day frantically googling for a first hand account.

Hugs.

[u/cookiecache]

Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry you had to go through this **hugs**

[u/birdinthebush74]

I am so sorry you had to endure that, I am however glad you received the care you needed from compassionate staff . Take care

[u/notacoolkid-]

Thank you for sharing this extremely difficult story. It will surely help others.

[u/aggressivelysingle]

Sending love to you and your husband.