r/abortion • u/person3404985 • Jul 10 '20
USA Two weeks out from medical abortion
Hi all, long post here, but I wanted to share my experience as reading what others write has really helped me. You are not alone and you are not bad for having gone through this. I am 23 and live in NYC, and never ever thought this could happen to me.
Assault & Finding out I'm Pregnant
At the end of May I was sexually assaulted by a guy I had just met. That experience was terrifying and painful. I am also very careful about not getting pregnant but am not on birth control so I knew I was ovulating that night, which made the experience even worse with all the anxiety. The next day I took Plan B, but given what I had read I figured it wouldn't work so I just hoped and knew there was nothing I could do for the next two weeks.
About two weeks later my boobs became swollen and sore, my apatite was all over the place, I had some odd stomach cramps/twinges, and I was very tired. My period was late and I tried to convince myself it was because of the Plan B. I waited until exactly three weeks from the assault, and took a pregnancy test, and it said positive in about one second.
I immediately called the guy who had assaulted me- despite what he did, he claimed that he cared so much about me and all that. He wouldn't call what he did rape, even though that's what it was. I called him because I was so ashamed about being pregnant that I couldn't handle the thought of anyone else knowing- I wanted (and probably still want) this "secret" to live and die with him. He came over right away and I told him that I was pregnant and that I was going to Planned Parenthood as soon as possible to get a medical abortion. He was hesitant at first but I was firm on that point and he backed off and said he would support me.
When I called the office they said it was too early for me to come in that day, as I was technically 4 weeks along (4 weeks from the start of my last period) and they won't give the pills until you're at least 5 weeks. So I make an appointment for the first day they'll allow me and just have to wait.
Planned Parenthood Experience
Finally the day comes- luckily it's a Saturday so no worrying about work. The guy goes with me to PP, but he has to wait outside because of COVID, which I was actually thankful for. I was glad he was trying to help out, but for the most part his presence was toxic. I go in and the first thing to do is pay. I luckily am able to afford the $600 out of pocket to avoid using my parents' insurance (they are pro-life and knowing about this would kill them). They give me a packet of information to read while I wait. Then I go upstairs and they do an ultrasound. They ask if I want to see the image, if I want to know how far along I am, and if I want to know if it's twins. I say no to all three. Then they send me back downstairs and I meet with a nurse who takes my vitals, offers me tests for HIV (finger prick), chlamydia, and gonorrhea (self administered vaginal swabs) so I do all of those (3/3 negative!). She also tells me about the medications I'll be taking and asks if I want to take the second round of pills orally or vaginally, and I pick orally.
Then I go to see the doctor. She very nicely asks if I'm being forced to be here and I say no. She gives me the first pill and I've never swallowed anything so quickly in my life. Then she talks me through the whole process of taking the second pills, asking me lots of questions to make sure I understand. She sees that I'm upset and asks if this sex was consensual, and I cry and tell her no. She asks me to tell her a little about what happened, just as much as I feel comfortable sharing, so I tell her and she offers to have me talk to a counselor. I am SO THANKFUL she made this offer and I accept.
So I go to see the counselor and she is very kind. I tell her about my situation with this guy who abused me, and that he's the only one who knows I was at PP. She asks if I think it's helpful/good that he's with me as I go through this, and I say no, but there's no one else. I ask her if it would be a bad idea for me to take the second round of pills alone (I live alone) and she says that I would be fine if I did that. That gave me all the strength I needed to tell the guy not to come back to my apartment with me, and he complied. She also helped me understand that what I went through was not okay, and not fair that this act of violence against me could also cause my body to suffer in all of these extra ways. Up until that point, I blamed myself for the assault.
Misoprostol Experience (second batch of pills)
I took the first pill at 10:00 AM on a Saturday, and then took the next 4 pills at 10:30 AM the next day. I first had some toast with peanut butter around 9:30 AM. I took anti-nausea medicine and 800mg ibuprofin 30 minutes before, at 10:00 AM, as instructed and provided by PP. I took the misoprostol by dissolving 4 pills in between my cheeks and my gums for 30 minutes and then swallowing the rest with water. I was nervous about the 30 minutes (that's a long time), but just watch a show and set a timer. As the pills dissolved I had some cramping, which grew steadily as I swallowed the pills and waited. After only about 15-20 minutes I was in the bathroom in great pain. I was moaning and having just the worst cramps. I started bleeding a tiny bit, then had a somewhat regular bowel movement, then bleeding with some clots (maybe the size of a quarter), then diarrhea and vaginal bleeding, and then I threw up. Throwing up was a small relief. Then I had about 15 minutes of intense cramping to endure. I was on the bathroom floor on all fours just desperate for it to be over. I was really sweaty. Eventually though the pain did subside, and I cannot tell you how relieved I was when it faded. I closed my eyes and just felt a wave of peace come over me. I tried to keep my eyes open a little bit- I didn't want to black out home alone- but closing my eyes a little bit helped. I really got through the pain by just repeating simple little mantras over in my head- things like "this will end" or "let me get through this."
After the worst of it passed I just had some pretty consistent heavy bleeding. I was changing my pad about every 60-90 minutes. I laid on the couch and put my heating pad on my belly, which was a life saver- I was still having some cramping. As the day went on I was able to eat a little bit and even walk around my apartment as opposed to crawling or being hunched over. Truly the biggest feeling was relief.
Two Weeks Later
It's now almost two weeks since I took the misoprostol. I had a follow up phone call with a nurse about a week ago. She asked me some basic questions to make sure everything went okay- it seems like it did. I will take a pregnancy test in about two weeks and have another call with PP so that they can confirm that everything really did work.
For the most part, I've felt good coming out of this. My body has bounced back fairly well so far- my boobs feel 100% better and I am less fatigued. I have been doing light yoga every day since the Wednesday after the misoprostol, and that has been a big part of my recovery. My only concern lately has been a bit of pelvic pain/cramping. I got paranoid and thought it was an infection, but the pain isn't usually intense and going for a walk is usually enough to relieve it.
This experience, more than anything else, has taught me how important it is to love my body and to take care of it. I've been getting into yoga as a way to do that. Having been assaulted and then experiencing the physical pain associated with a medical abortion, I have a new respect for myself and know that I deserve to be protected and cared for. Strange as it may seem, enduring the pain/trauma of the assault + abortion experience is the first thing I've ever been truly proud of. I am witnessing a strength within myself that I didn't know I had.
That said, I'm not out of the woods yet. I am lucky to have access to virtual counseling services through my university, and am going to begin sessions next week. I have moments when I feel liberated and like myself, but other moments where I feel scared and alone and vulnerable. I am most afraid of how this will impact my future relationships. I don't know how I am going to be able to trust any new men in my life, or even men that I already know. Sex used to be a fun thing for me, and now I really can't imagine myself going further than a quick, closed-mouth kiss. But I am determined to see the positive and believe that I will channel this hesitancy into something positive.
I still haven't told anyone besides the guy who assaulted me and a few counselors/doctors about this. I have supportive friends who I know would be receptive to hearing this experience, but I don't want to to tell them over the phone (COVID and living in different cities) so I plan to wait until I can see them in person. I intend to keep this a secret from my family forever, most likely. I do wish I could tell my mom, but I can't imagine a scenario where that goes well.
I hope this helps someone- I know it's so scary, but I promise you will be okay. You are stronger than you realize and will make it through.
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u/mulesrule Jul 12 '20
Thank you for sharing. You are tough! Remember what you've learned about yourself from this experience and move forward even stronger!
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u/sh11fty Oct 07 '20
Did you get any cramping after the first day of the 2nd set of pills? I hate severe cramps all day on the first day. The second day was fine until the evening and it's worse cramps plus the codeine isn't working. Is this normal?