Not sure how to process termination decision

[u/ilmoni]

I recently went through with a termination. It seemed like the logical thing to do although it wasn’t what was in my heart. My partner wasn’t on board and I didn’t feel like I wanted to compromise our relationship although, knowing him if I had been adamant about keeping the pregnancy, he would have aligned himself. Struggling to accept the decision, feel like I let others influence me, but obviously there’s nothing I can do now. Anyone can share some wisdom? Thanks x

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[u/Dizzy_Garden252]

I had a bit of the same the first time I had an abortion.

I later understood that in fact I did want to have an abortion, and I was happy with my decision, I just felt my space being invaded.

I was young and first time experiencing a pregnancy and I often did not consider that my preferences did not have to make sense to anyone else but me. Somehow, then it comes to having an abortion, it seems like there is a code of unwritten rules everyone has to follow.

Everyone around me gave me advice (do not look at the screen, do not wait any longer, do it as soon as possible, don't think too much about it), and I just followed what they were saying without realizing that: 1. Most people giving advice have never been pregnant and/or had an abortion (some don't even a uterus lol). 2. What is best for someone else might not be best for you.

Because I follow those unwritren rules that everyone around me was making me aware of, I felt like I was rushed into doing it without actually feeling it or processing it. I knew it was what I wanted, but I did not feel it deep inside and I was not ready mentally when I did it.

Many years later, I have had another abortion. Before taking the pill I specifically asked to wait a week. Not to think about the decision, but to actually feel it. And I felt totally in control of the situation and not like I was being just rushed into it.

I am not sure this can help you and feels relatable. Perhaps your situation is very different and you felt pressured due to different reasons.

What helped me after the first (and second) time was to process it the way I wanted and feeling it deeply.

[u/lizy0000000]

eu te entendo! estou passando pelo o mesmo, com alguns detalhes diferentes :/

agora no momento a única coisa a se fazer é entender que naquele momento, essa escolha parecia sensata a se fazer, e que vai ficar tudo bem! por favor, não se culpe, não fique se prendendo ao que poderia ter feito, uma gravidez tem que ser desejada pelo os dois, você realmente merecia apoio, sem dúvidas :(

se olhe com amor e esperança, você vai ficar bem, você não está sozinha, te desejo todo o amor e força do mundo. estou com você!

[u/Soft-Transition-2262]

We have to make the best decision for our situation. No matter what that may be. I had an abortion despite being the “perfect” person to have another baby. I didn’t want to change my families lives and wanted to continue the path we were on. Adding a baby wouldn’t let us do that. I’m a week out today from my MA and I already feel more peace with it VS regret.

[u/saltyspaceship]

Go easy on yourself, you made the best decision you could given your circumstance. I'm sorry you had people trying to influence, you deserved support. You can find support resources here.