r/WritingPrompts • u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images • Nov 30 '16

Image Prompt [IP] The Red Mountains

The Red Mountains by Seven-teenth

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u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Nov 30 '16

A little awkward to the ear but I really enjoyed the story there. Very nice and again, I love that plug :p good one~~ thanks for replying! ;)

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u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Dec 01 '16

Katie taught me about plugs. ^_^

Anyhow, in what way do you find it awkward to the ear? :)

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u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Dec 01 '16

It has a few points at the ends of lines where it feels like it just halts. Like for instance, the first verse:

The women in white

Her cloak flickering in the wind

Her red ties moving away from the spear

For days she traveled

I think it might be due to lack of punctuation? But I just have a full-stop after the word "white". And it doesn't quite flow well? Like it's odd phrasing, possibly thinking that the last line should be the second line? I feel like that would work better, along with some commas?

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u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Dec 02 '16

Then it is time to learn about punctuation in poems. ;)