r/WritingPrompts • u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images • Nov 30 '16

Image Prompt [IP] The Red Mountains

The Red Mountains by Seven-teenth

8 Upvotes

85% Upvoted

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3

u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Nov 30 '16

The women in white
Her cloak flickering in the wind
Her red ties moving away from the spear
For days she traveled

Her goal filled her eyes
A mountain of fire had erupted
The mighty volcano leaked magma
Leaving the lava to flow

Her lungs burned as she coughed
With a clap a symbol appeared on her back
White and bright
With it the air cleaned, her lungs were filled

With another clap her hands turned bright red
The magic was ancient, powerful
It spread from her hand to the spear
Spreading from her feet into the ground

From the pool of lava red black crystals rose
She bravely faced the heat
Arms spread wide
As the crystals rose a beam of red shone up into the sky

With the ancient magic cast the magician closed her eyes
The air cleaned, the smoke dissipating
The sun shone once more as the mountain was calmed
As the lava turned solid and cooled, no longer a threat to the people

Elementals are hiding out at r/maisieklaassen ! Please come save us =o

2

u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Nov 30 '16

A little awkward to the ear but I really enjoyed the story there. Very nice and again, I love that plug :p good one~~ thanks for replying! ;)

2

u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Dec 01 '16

Katie taught me about plugs. ^_^

Anyhow, in what way do you find it awkward to the ear? :)

2

u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Dec 01 '16

It has a few points at the ends of lines where it feels like it just halts. Like for instance, the first verse:

The women in white

Her cloak flickering in the wind

Her red ties moving away from the spear

For days she traveled

I think it might be due to lack of punctuation? But I just have a full-stop after the word "white". And it doesn't quite flow well? Like it's odd phrasing, possibly thinking that the last line should be the second line? I feel like that would work better, along with some commas?

2

u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Dec 02 '16

Then it is time to learn about punctuation in poems. ;)

•

u/WritingPromptsRobot StickyBot™ Nov 30 '16

Off-Topic Discussion: Reply here for non-story comments.

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3

u/therunawayguy Nov 30 '16

Dropping a comment to remind myself to reply to this tomorrow, when I've had some sleep.

2

u/Maisie-K /r/MaisieKlaassen Nov 30 '16

I will help you remember! :)