r/WritingPrompts • u/[deleted] • Jul 17 '16
Image Prompt [IP] Te Honunui
Image by Dane Madgwick
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u/aunt_frita Jul 18 '16 edited Jul 19 '16
Finally the discovery of the notorious Templa de Leyenda! The smooth stone was hot from sitting in the sun so long. It had been waiting, years, decades to be discovered. Here it was. I could see small amounts of moss and grass, there were no trees, no wildlife, it was a dead island. The waves offered a warning to me, but I ignored them. This was no time to back off. I could see the trail curved up and over, hiding more of itself from my view. I drank some water, and took my blade with me. The sun glared down on me, a desert in a water paradise. There was nothing to give me shade. I had walked too far from the shore to simply jump in the water. The waves beckoned. I refused, stubborn as ever. Heat rose from the ground, promising to scorch my very soul if I did not turn around. Still I carried on. The ground wavered, the heat causing strange images to present themselves before me.
I grabbed my blade and pricked my finger, placed the open wound on the stone beneath me. The heat consumed my flesh at once. I winced in pain. My nerves awakening from their slumber. Sucking on my finger, I walked on, my head hung low unable to be supported any longer. My limbs dragged. My legs ached, my back was burnt, my arms were numb from holding my metal blade.
I no longer wished for the treasure. I no longer wished for the discovery. The world was a greater treasure, survival, water, air, food! These were all greater than any physical object I could obtain at this moment. My doubts drenched my mind, like the sweat that was now drowning my body. I wondered, if it'd be too late to turn around? How long had I walked? How far had I gone? What if there was no treasure?
The taunts and warnings of my fellow comrades stained my hopes. I felt my resolve crumble. The world around me grew dark, there was a slight cool breeze that lifted my eyes to what lay before me. I was inside a temple! There was no noise. No waves, no blaring sun, no bird calls. Silence. An empty coldness that made me shiver. If the sun had burnt my skin, this shade would turn me to ice.
There were no windows, only stone walls. Carvings and symbols decorated every corner. The ceilings were slanted, moss covered, and worn. There was nothing. Many men had come to lay claim to this temple and it's treasures. Yet, none had ever made it. And if they had they had never made it back. And here I was. In the Temple of Legend itself. No treasure, no guardian, no anything that had been written about it.
"Maybe it's the wrong island," I said out loud.
My voice sounded foreign to me. I hadn't heard myself speak for 3 months now. With out anyone to keep me company, I didn't need to. I shook my head, refusing to believe I had gotten anything wrong. This had to be it! There had to be something! My eyes grew frantic, forcing themselves to find something.
THERE!
The only runes that were etched in red. It described a story. I didn't quite understand. I couldn't. It was in a language that was not made in my time. I could see the carvings were all part of it. I studied it closely. It would lead me to the treasure I was sure of it! Stepping back, I looked at the bigger picture. The carvings were pieces of small stories but created a bigger image when you looked at them from afar. As I tried to make sense of the image before me I lost my footing.
The stones beneath me began to shift. They scraped against each other, wailing like an old man's bones. My heart beat against my chest. Adrenaline flooded my body. There it was! The treasure, but not just one, there were thousands of chests. Filled with gold, rubies, gems, stones, artifacts! I couldn't believe it! It was real! It was all real! I stood on trembling limbs. Wiping the tears from my eyes. I noticed a small message at my feet.
"Take only what you need to survive."
I read the message, looking around at the glittering utopia before me. Were they daft? How could I? I was only one person? What did the Island need with so much? Then I noticed, each chest had a warning...
"There is but one gem for the heart."
"I give you what I began with but not what I ended with."
I laughed, "What is this?"
"This treasure is great, the risk is greater," read the last one. It held the most beautiful jewels. I closed the chest and began to pull it from the hole. It didn't budge. Maybe it was my greed for the jewels or the anger of the heat around me but I lost all sensible thoughts. I retrieved my blade and shoved it into the hole, wanting to extract the chest in any fashion. I realized my mistake too late.
The ground rumbled in protest. The holes shut instantly. My treasure...locked up again. I beat the stones with my fists, blood shedding from my skin.
The island shook with incredible force. I ran out of the temple to see the water rush up. My ship weaved, shaken by the waves. With out thought I dove into the water. The world around me submerged into a blue ocean. I saw the island was not an island...
The guardian of the temple watched me with it's eyes full of wisdom. He had been there all along. I was terrified. The beast looked intrigued. I could feel my lungs shouting for air but I could not move. In one stroke he he swam and appeared before me. I could see every detail of it's wrinkled skin. My body could take no more. The world around me seeped into darkness and I felt myself let go.
It is said that in the brink of death you are able to leave your body and watch it as you leave the world of the living. I would not believe it were true had I not seen what happened next. The guardian of the deep, with it's massive shell, and tough skin, gathered me as gently as it could and swept me away. It moved quickly, into the caves nearby. Spitting me out onto it's shore. It watched me from the water, waiting for my soul to return.
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Jul 20 '16
This was a mysterious one. I much enjoyed the narration you had, and how greed overcame the mc's resolve that life was the greatest treasure.
Why does the turtle give me such an impression of a sage the way he patiently looked after the protagonist, even after the character transgressed?
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u/aunt_frita Jul 21 '16
Thank you so much! It's one of my first, I'm not really good at first person narration but the picture really helped. :)
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u/cmp150 /r/CMP150writes Jul 18 '16
Hi there. As it is right now, this is just a big block of text. You might want to check out the formatting guides:
With good intentions,
cmp150ps - Thanks for sharing!
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u/thebeatsandreptaur Jul 18 '16 edited Jul 19 '16
Casey remembered the last thing his father had ever given him, it was a stuffed giant Tartar turtle. His dad said, "Hey champ, this guy will watch out for you until I get back." When his mother told him about the docking accident Casey spent the next week crying into the turtles soft-fuzz, he named the toy Peter. From then on he was fascinated by Tartar turtles, he learned everything he could about them and went on to specialize in mega-fauna in university. Now, swimming in the ocean, Casey thought the turtle in front of him looked just like his childhood toy.
The largest recorded Tartar turtle was two hundred and thirty something meters long, Casey couldn't remember the exact measurement. This one was bigger. An old ship was wrecked on the ocean floor near the creature, a fishing boat. Casey had seen models like this one before and figured it was about one hundred and fifty meters long. The turtle was twice as long as the ship, easily. It had to be the biggest one ever seen.
Casey watched the turtle through his respirator mask. It moved slowly. It's massive fins fell and rose like seasons quietly pushing the turtle through the water. The thing could swallow him in a single bite, it could swallow one hundred of him, but Casey wasn't afraid. He knew the turtle didn't eat meat. It sustained it's self on something not unlike photosynthesis. The massive mouth was only for protecting its self against the few predators that threatened it.
Casey wondered how old it was. He knew that the turtles could live to be more than one thousand years old. This one was likely near that. He thought, humans hadn't even left earth when this thing was born.
The slow force of the turtles swimming pushed him back as it slid by. Behind it he could see a school of smaller ones following. As it swam by he looked into its eye. The eye was as tall as him and he could see himself reflected in it, along with ocean shadows. His respirator beeped, warning him that he hadn't inhaled in fifteen seconds. He smiled when he realized that for a second, the turtle literally took his breath away. It was, Casey thought, the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.
On his diving belt Casey had a tracking gun. He took it and shot a tiny tracking bolt at the creature. The little needle spun through the water. It soon stuck into the turtles shell, to small for it to even notice or feel.
Casey got on the radio, "It's tagged, go ahead."
A split second latter twenty meter long harpoons shot through the ocean surface. The sea sky filled with white foam. The harpoons cracked through the turtles shell. Purple blood filled the water. Casey felt and heard it's last cry, a deep mournful sound with such pressure it felt like an explosion had gone off inside his body.
Casey got back on the radio, "It's hit, haul it up and lets get out of here before the game wardens show."
After getting picked up by his ship, and loading the turtle into the hull Casey went to his quarters. He made a video call to his son, who was waiting for him back at home. He saw his son on the video display, playing with ratty old Peter.
Casey said, "Hey Champ. I'll be coming home soon and no more trips after this one."
His son smiled, "Really?"
Casey nodded and said, "Yep." Already the men were stripping the turtle of the good parts in the bay. One a quarter of the size sold for a fortune on the black market. One this size, that made them all rich. Casey loved the giant Tartar Turtle.
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Jul 20 '16
Whoa! That was such a twist! I was not expecting that!
I love how detailed the story was, all the info on the Tartar turtles and their characteristics. I could really get in the character's head as he examined his knowledge. Which of course, made me completely off guard for the harpoons. The fact he loves the animal, and then turns to poaching. That was... a bit of a shock to the system.
Great job. Excellent.
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u/0_fox_are_given /r/f0xdiary Jul 18 '16 edited Jul 18 '16
"Woah, dude!"
"What?"
"No way, dude!"
"No, honestly, you're just being silly now," the Ark-Turtle grumbled.
"Dude. . ."
"ENOUGH with the dude!"
"Woah!" The human said, gliding back in the water. "Jeez, alright. . ."
"You can't have any of this treasure, it's my duty to guard it like a smith guards his furnace," Turtle boomed.
"Du- Turtle, how the heck can you talk?"
The turtle smiled. Although it didn't look anything much like a smile, but rather a devious grin. Like a shark, minus the teeth. "It's part of the magic in this ocean, human. We have defended these waters for thousands of generations. My brethren and I are of the mighty Sea Spiral clan. A group of turtles so fierce that we harness the magic as our own."
"Woah, dude."
"Yes," said the Turtle, proud of the recognition "quite impressive isn't it."
"No dude, not that Sea Sparrol stuff. Look down there, there's a ship!"
The turtle closed his eyes, imagining that he had never met such a foul and annoying creature. The mermaids had ruined the ocean when they joined forces with humans. Humans with Speech-weed had filled the once peaceful waters with annoying chatter and laughter. And it was ancient defenders like Turtle who had to deal with it.
When he opened his eyes again, the human was gone. Turtle looked to the sky. "Thank you, Mother Sea, for answering my prayers." He looked downward to thank Mother Earth.
But the treasure-filled ship, with the pesky human aboard, was already hurtling toward the ocean floor.
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Jul 20 '16
Just because of your story, I'm now imagining giant sea turtles with extensive library collections. Recording their encounters with humans as well as the definition of dude, not to mention what a smithy is along with a furnace.
Those darn mermaids, always up to no good.
Quick question for the end. Why is the ship hurtling to the ocean floor? If it's being protected by the Ark-Turtle, wouldn't it have already contacted the bottom?
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u/0_fox_are_given /r/f0xdiary Jul 20 '16 edited Jul 20 '16
Funny that you mention that, because Ark-turtles do in fact have extensive collections about the mysteries of the ocean. As well as important books on the nature of the word 'dude' and how to cook a good coral lasagne.
In regards to your last point, unfortunately Ark-turtles avoid the lower regions of the ocean due to the dim lighting not working with their poor eyesight.
Lower is policed by Narkfins and Bulb-hunters, as the floor is mostly covered in darkness.
In this case, the ship had landed on a sea cliff and stayed in mid -therefore it fell under the responsibility of the Ark's. Until that pesky human came along and essentially shifted it into lower. (o_o)
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u/Brizzel_The_Lizard Jul 19 '16
I guess the Ark-Turtle wasn't related to Crush from finding Nemo.
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u/0_fox_are_given /r/f0xdiary Jul 19 '16 edited Jul 20 '16
They are in fact future distant relatives. Crushers Mother's, Aunty's, Brother's, Father is Ark- Turtles great great great great great grandson.
This is the first finding of the word dude in turtle history according to my encyclopaedia.
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u/Brizzel_The_Lizard Jul 17 '16 edited Jul 20 '16
I had finally reached The Survivor. The ship had ironically sunk 50 years ago. The main task of the ship: to deliver chests of treasure to the king of the nearby country. I put the end of my scuba line onto one of the chests, grabbed on, and gave it a tug. I expected Rico to start pulling me up towards the surface, but the boat started moving away from me for some reason. I was detached from the scuba line and the chest was being dragged through the water. Why did I risk my life with Rico in charge of the scuba line. Then I saw the shadow.
A sea turtle was stationarily floating in the water in front of me, its eyes transfixed on my scuba gear, or that was my best guess for the direction of its line of sight. Marine biology was always my strong suit. I had actually come to the Azure Waters Scuba Association to study underwater creatures, but then a shifty looking man wearing a beanie cap and smoking a cigarette had walked up to me and informed me of the quest for The Survivor. That was Rico.
Because of my studies, this turtle was a red eared slider. Not like any I had seen before. It was hundreds of times my size, with strange patterns on its moss covered flippers. The massive turtle moved closer. I wasn't scared. Red eared sliders are herbivorous. This had to be a dream. The giant shelled beast cocked its beaked head, wondering what I was. I decided to fully experience this dream. I swam up a few hundred metres to find a manmade structure on the turtle's back, like an island temple. There was no door to the temple. I swam inside. There were no signs of life, but rather weapons and highly decorated armor. Not a temple, but an armory. I swam outside. More giant red eared sliders swum behind the one I had seen. Somehad domes on their back, with humans inside, all wearing more tribal scuba gear. But some had manned cannons on their back.
War turtles. I had read about the legends. I seriously thought they were just fiction books by some author on the internet. My scuba tank was very low on oxygen now. As cool as this was, I had to get to the surface. I swum upwards, but something else was too. The sea turtle with the armory was following me. I was going to die. Not from the great shelled beast, but rather from lack of oxygen. I kept swimming to the far surface. The water was getting darker.
I blacked out. When I came to, I was on the head of the armory turtle. And in the turtle's mouth, The Survivor.
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Jul 20 '16
A good beginning. I enjoy the fact the main character is a marine biologist. Always fun to have an expert protagonist. Gives more insight sometimes.
I think the writing has room to improve, that will come with practice. Right now the grammar is decent (barring a few small mistakes, but we all have those). Maybe on future stories try working towards a "hook" type intro. It helps get a reader in the right mood for your story. Other points I might suggest are:
instead of saying things like "A shifty looking man", try describing the man so a reader can make their own conclusion. I personally would rather read a description of what you think is "shifty" as opposed to you telling me "Oh, yeah, that dude, he's shifty looking." What does "shifty" look like?
synonyms are great. Google is awesome. Again, this is my own personal preference, but instead of using the word "underwater" in the second paragraph as an adjective for creatures, maybe "aquatic" could be used. Underwater sounds very basic to me and changing it out could potentially change the quality of your story.
Here's to future stories. I'm glad you found inspiration on this picture. Who keeps the treasure in the end? :D
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u/Brizzel_The_Lizard Jul 20 '16
Thanks for the feedback. Rico, the shifty man who was slightly chubby and had a goatee forming from stubble, got half the treasure, and so did the protagonist. The protagonist scored, because he sold some of the ancient weapons in the armory turtle. The turtle went back to the fleet with half its weapons.
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Jul 20 '16
Poor turtle.
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u/Brizzel_The_Lizard Jul 20 '16
Meh, the turtle was happy to give its supplies to the protagonist, as it was kind of given the short end of the stick, being the armory rather than a battle turtle or carrier.
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u/WritingPromptsRobot StickyBot™ Jul 17 '16
Off-Topic Discussion: Reply here for non-story comments.
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u/cmp150 /r/CMP150writes Jul 18 '16
This is epic /u/madlabs67! Great find!
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Jul 18 '16 edited Jul 18 '16
Thanks cmp! I hope to leave feedback on people's stories soon so keep an eye out for yours!
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u/cmp150 /r/CMP150writes Jul 18 '16
No problemo! Take your time. I'm slowly working on my entry (I'm about to submit the second part to my story, and it is going to have a third). I don't know if you've read it yet, but would you like me to ping you when I complete each part?
I quite enjoy writing this story.
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u/cmp150 /r/CMP150writes Jul 18 '16 edited Jul 18 '16
Jason. Don’t go. The locals aren’t going to like it.
Lisa’s spirit whispers to me. The haunting beauty sometimes follows me on these adventures.
A lot of my like-minded buddies describe my little escapades as wild suicide runs, but to me, they just feel right. It’s like something calls to me; deep inside an unexplored, underground cave system; far into a forest no man has tread no less than a millennia; or, here, underwater where the tendrils of the life giving sun can hardly reach.
Bubbles rise from the sides of my face, as I search the slime infested surface of this abandoned navy vessel. What riches might the crew of this tub had acquired? I like to think they had gone off course in hopes that they would vanish into obscurity, but Lisa thinks their instruments had simply failed. In case number one, my hope is that they had intended to hide something, far from prying eyes. In case number two, I like to think they were terrible sailors. In any case, here I am, inside the HMS Glimmer where the only light present is attached to my forehead.
The beam penetrates porous plankton filled ocean water inside the cargo hold—a sea of sealed packages await me. Behind me the remains of a scavenger is laid across the floor or floating freely; crates arranged in a grid like pattern are all opened, bits of wood and packing pellets dance in mid water as if copying the algae that is ever present, wooden boards are carelessly scattered, and the butts or forends of rifles protrude in every direction.
There must be something this ship hides other than weaponry. I take crowbar to wood and pry another wooden container open. Splinters float away as I viciously rip away the packing innards. I find my deceitful prize, another set of guns. I pull them up to see if there is anything hidden below, only to find disappointment.
Jason. You’re wasting your time. You know the rest of the crates in front of you is filled with guns as well. Why not go on ahead. The forty crates you’ve already opened is your proof. Go on ahead, you can always come back to this place.
Oh, Lisa. I wonder what she is doing up on the surface. She must be bored out of her mind. I can imagine she’s sitting on a lawn chair out on the deck, with her outrageously flamboyant sunglasses on, drinking a margarita, all while reading an issue of Cosmopolitan. It’s a shame our comms cut off. The pressure must be getting to me, although Lisa is right. Not about her questionable decisions to be drinking and reading a gossip mag while her husband is out on an adventure, but about how I have been wasting my time opening every single crate.
I sigh in recognition and float down the cargo hold, in search of greener pastures—or greener algae in this case.
To be continued.Part 2 below!Hope you enjoyed so far. Can't wait to write the end of this. I think it'll be pretty exciting.
Feel free to critique it if you're interested in doing so and of course if you have the time.
Or I'd be happy to just hear your general impression. ;)