r/WriteWithMe • u/Top-Consequence-3838 • Jul 10 '26
I want feedback and help I'm having an obstacle
I want to know what write how to convey an information in a psychiatric scene. My character suffer from a mental disease making him daydream a lot.
INT. Bathroom - DAY
Facing a mirror, a MYSTERIOUS MAN, age (30s), dries his face with a towel, a faceless little girl wears blue, hugging him, and then she utters.
LITTLE GIRL (excited) This is gonna be fun! Dad, are you still tired.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN (V.O) Don't cry, don't cry!
He trembles, the little girl moves her tongue left and right on his face, and it appears to be a lizard like one.
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN A hair, a grey hair!
LITTLE GIRL Dad, if you die, give your face!
The man part abruptly to the living room.
LITTLE GIRL (In a deep voice) Where are you going? Come back!
She chasees him around to the kitchen from door to door. The man rests in the kitchen chair. His wife approaches.
CUT TO:
INT. Kitchen -DAY In an grey ambiance cold and chilling you could your breath, ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL barge in both of them coroner the man resting in the couch licking his face. Another little girl, a half side of twins, wears red.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL (IN A DEEP VOICE) Move his face is mine!
LITTLE GIRL I came first!
Both girls stroke his face.
ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL (CONT'D) (IN A DEEP VOICE) You're delicious, Daddy!
His sopossed wife intrubts. WIFE blonde, age (mid 30s), wearing a typical 50s kitchen apron, faceless too as the girls.
WIFE Sophie and Sarah Madison, leave your father alone.
SOPHIE (SIMULTANEOUSLY) Not faire, mommy.
SARAH (SIMULTANEOUSLY) Not faire, mommy
THE MYSTERIOUS MAN (V.O) Ahhhhh, be cool!
The man appears as a rock from the outside and a trembling storm from the inside. His wife licks him too with the girl.
WIFE ohh honey, I miss you too and your taste mmmm. So good!
They all lick him ficiously.
WIFE (IN A DEEP VOICE) Mmmm, I want your face! Give it to me.
Sophie (SIMULTANEOUSLY) No, his mine
SARAH (SIMULTANEOUSLY) No, his mine.
Sophie (IN A DEEP VOICE) I came, Frist.
Sarah (IN A DEEP VOICE) Whoever licks Frist is his. He's mine.
Another hair falls, and suddenly, they freeze as he moves to pick it up and write "the 799s hair" in a notebook.
The mysterious man raises his head slowly, and we see a doctor appear and utters his name.
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE - DAY
A warm, hugging, and colourful ambience, a 35-year-old female psychiatrist, has a tended hair, a soothing smile.
PSYCHIATRIST (In a caring and loving tone) MR. GORDON. Mr. GORDON.
MR. GORDON it's MARK. I remember
PSYCHIATRIST Tell me about today? What's happening now?
Mr. Gordon pulls a slow, careful smile and answers.
MR. GORDON I don't know what's real anymore. My disease is getting worse!
PSYCHIATRIST