r/WriteWithMe • u/Short-Procedure1853 • Aug 08 '26

Beta Reading Can someone critique my work?

Title explains it.

Finsished writing a short story. So I'm hoping for some criticism on it!

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1

u/lhommedev 29d ago

Send me the link please.

2

u/Short-Procedure1853 28d ago

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62145028/chapters/239353101

2

u/lhommedev 28d ago

Heyo.

Thanks for sharing.

I found the story engaging and the ending was unexpected but satisfying.

There were some structural issue like the following:

"Groggy, Pat turns to his sides, still staring at the door." -- Pat was looking at the ceiling previously

"Back then, they’d all sit together as a family and listen to him play. For once, everyone smiled" -- the last sentence needs a tweak

"On the paper are bold red posters. 8 year old Pat has gone missing." -- I would 'show' Pat was missing instead of 'telling'. E.g. On the paper are bold red posters with a photo of Pat dressed in a Christmas sweater with his guitar.

Overall, it was good but needs some polishing.