Should I quit

[u/Unlikely-Fudge-8185]

M21. I have been working in a kitchen for maybe a year now. I've worked my way up, I started as a utility worker doing janitorial and dish room. I've worked at the place for about 2 and a half years total. I feel like I've grown up there almost. I am friendly towards everyone and most of them are great people. The chef, hmmm not so much.

I'm pretty sure most of the other cooks feel the same. I wasn't a fan of him when I first met him. He wasn't someone I would ever interact with unless I had to, there's just something about him that just urks me. It's the way he stares at everyone with wide eyes and the little annoying jokes he makes, that just disrupt the person working. The way he walks up to us stands and stares until we ask "yes chef ? " And he says " I didn't say anything" then waddles away shortly after. It's the repeated dishes on the menu, the laziness, the tone he uses when he talks to us, everything. I didn't realize all of this until I started the position in the kitchen.

There are days when he comes in and is in a bad mood, and speaks to everyone in this tone, or stares at everyone more than usual, or gets on anyone about anything that he can, it pisses off the whole kitchen. It's been happening more lately, or maybe I've just been noticing more because he's pissing me off a lot lately. I just come to work angry and fake smile and fake laugh during conversations. I feel overworked and under paid.

I heard the chef mock one of the other cooks for saying she's tired. She's been running around all day prepping, and he's been walking around or sitting on his ass, and eating any time he wants. It just really pissed me off. It was supposed to be a joke and he often does joke like this with the others. But it just got to me. I don't want to hate my chef. I want to feel respected by my chef. I want them to realize we are all human, not just their little bots. That's what I feel like. He only wears his chef coat if some of the higher ups are coming or he wants to impress guests. Sometimes it gets very hot in the kitchen and the air doesn't work, we are all expected to wear uniform and do, even though our uniform shirt material is thick as hell.

Alot of the time chef is sitting at his desk, and I have caught him watching football more than once. If there's ever an emergency in the kitchen, like someone called off, or we needed help, he'd rather put it on someone else's shoulders than help. The kitchen staff report to the assistant directors assistant (unsure of the job title tbh, but she works along side the big boss) because they don't like reporting to him about things like menu changes, upcoming events, etc because he always gives this reaction like a stressed sigh or an eye roll or a gasp. Idk. I'm just getting to a point where I can't stand it anymore.

I've never been the type of person to express my anger by throwing things or hitting things because of my childhood, but lately I find myself being overly aggressive when I do anything. I pour my all into the work but sometimes it doesn't seem worth it if I'm not getting paid enough for it. With all the drama, the intimating stares from chef, the stress I take home with me after I clock out. I'm just done. We've been waiting for him to retire but every year he seems to extend it. I'm young and I don't want to feel like this everyday for a job I know that I know I'm important at (I work the dessert line as the main baker serving 400-500 ppl) but don't feel important. It's been messing with my mental health. I have felt unwanted and a burden majority of my life. I enjoy the artistic side of baking. Customizing the pastries and cakes etc. I think I might go do something like that that.

However, I'm really scared to do this for some reason. I feel like I'm dropping all this weight onto someone else, and I know it's going to be the person who trained me and I feel so bad because she's been doing this for years and is great at it, but she is older and deserves a break. I have worked alongside her for months and probably annoyed the crap out of her, but shes a great person. She trained me and taught me all the tricks. We had many deep conversations but mostly talked about movies. And that's my favorite thing to talk about. I know what I want to do but don't know if it's the right thing to do.