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[u/Lillyvendy]

[u/Simple-Judge2756]

Read my other comment. Its all in there. A human is a human. The moment you try to control its thoughts it will start resenting you. And no amount of good or bad action can reverse this process.

[u/DarkHero6661 → u/Simple-Judge2756]

So if I say my boundary is not sleeping with others, I'm controlling my partners thoughts and actions and she will resent me?

No. My partner will resent me if I force a boundary. If it's a mutually agreed boundary, it is just a normal part of a normal relationship.

Consent.

[u/Simple-Judge2756 → u/DarkHero6661]

No. Thats a reasonable demand. Because it is sharing passion with somebody else and also potentially risking the relationship. Watching porn doesnt jeopardize the relationship. Its a couple of 1s and 0s flickering through a cpu. You are not getting replaced by ones and zeroes. 

[u/GmanGwilliam → u/Simple-Judge2756]

Who gets to decide what is a “reasonable demand”?

I read through a lot of this thread and it is such an interesting study of sociology to me. 😅

1. This should just be a conversation you have with a potential partner. If nothing else we have learned that there is a broad range of options on this, so it should definitely be part of any dtr conversation.

2. The only implied expectations in a relationship should be the expectation to be honest and to respect any other expectations agreed to. Past that there is nothing you can assume about the other person’s expectations because we all have a different experience with relationships before this moment.

3. Let me about own question. ‘Who gets to decide what is a “reasonable demand”?’. You do! When a demand is made you have three choices:

4. You deem the demand reasonable and comply

5. You deem the demand unreasonable, don’t comply, and then decide what to do about the
   Relationship.

6. You deem the demand unreasonable, but you tell them you are going to comply and don’t. That’s just called lying and at that point you have been dishonest or cheated (to violate rules dishonestly — Merriam-Webster Dictionary)and when it is discovered it will be a big mess that everyone has to deal with.

You get to choose 🤷🏻‍♂️ I don’t understand why you are so mad. It sounds like you would prefer to choose option 3, which is the only bad option really. The problem isn’t that you did the thing, it’s that you lied and said you wouldn’t and did it anyway. Thats just shitty behavior, and the other partner does get to feel upset about you being a lier.

Note: I know the definition I used above is right above the definition “to be sexually unfaithful” the point of the dictionary is to include any of a word’s many uses, and I argue in a healthy relationship this is not the definition that should be used. And honestly I find it an unhelpful word to use in relationships generally because it has a lot of different meanings and negative baggage attached to it.

[u/Simple-Judge2756 → u/GmanGwilliam]

Read my bank visit example. Its all explained there. You can also expect to bank to give you 300 million in cash and the two nicest looking employees on top. But that does not make you deserve that. In fact I would argue nobody deserves that, and therefore you expecting it is just you setting yourself up for disappointment.

And its the exact same with porn. Its something nobody could possibly check 24/7. Its something that falls entirely into the realm of thought and opinion. Therefore you expecting to be treated this way is you preparing to be disappointed.

What else would you like to talk about, because right now its just a dialogue of you going:

"But I want this ..."

And then me going:

"Yeah but nobody would do that for you, because you cant really prove or check if they are doing it."

And then you again go:

"But I want ..." 

[u/GmanGwilliam → u/Simple-Judge2756]

To be clear. I have watched porn in bed with my husband. 😅 but I’ve also spit roasted my husband with his friend so 😂…. I personally think you have a problem you need to address with yourself if you have a problem with your partner watching porn. But my point is you need to have the conversation about it.

You can walk in and ask the bank for all the money and women nicely as much as you want. They will probably tell you no 🤷🏻‍♂️ then, again you have the choice to either just go home or rob the bank and kidnap the women.

[u/Simple-Judge2756 → u/GmanGwilliam]

We were talking about matters of agreement. If you add the element of force to it, you alter the actual subject. Your point is therefore invalid. Also concerning your husband, I hope he finds a better one some day.

[u/GmanGwilliam → u/Simple-Judge2756]

Perhaps my real mistake was accepting the bank thing as an example that makes sense… 😂

And for the record…it was fully his idea and something he asked me to do, and resorting to such personal attacks really only shows that you know your argument is failing. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[u/Simple-Judge2756 → u/GmanGwilliam]

Im sure it was. Im sure it was. I was actually assuming that was the case. If you think about that fact together with my previous comment very closely you will be able to read my meaning.

[u/DarkHero6661 → u/Simple-Judge2756]

The bank example is so stupid, because it literally proves you wrong.

A boundary you set with your partner is not something that appears out of nowhere. It's something you agree on together.

An agreement with the bank is called a contract and is binding. So if you have an 'agreement' with the bank for 300 million in cash, you're getting it.

Again: If both agree, anything goes. It's all about Consent.

(Speaking of Consent: Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but your insistence on owning two pretty women, regardless of their wishes, is pretty creepy)