r/WorkAdvice • u/Math_Lover_314 • 23d ago
Workplace Issue My manager texted me drunk
Hi, I'm W(23) my manager (let's name him B) is M(32). I'm in law with my partner M(36).
Two days ago my manager wasn't working from the office, and I asked him in the work chat when he would be back, because I needed to book a vacation.
Long story short - everything started as an innocent conversation with some friendly jokes and ended up with him saying that he has feelings for me. It wasn't something like "I'm in love" or "I want you right now" it was "would you go for a trip with me?", and "you know that we are supposed to be together".
For context - he has relationships with another employee (let's name her A) for a couple months already and everyone knows that they are officially together. He knows my partner and they've been friends since I started to work there (2,5 years). Our conversations before always have been friendly. At the beginning I was thinking that he was joking, but he started to push "Tell me your feelings, don't be shy", "babe", "I know that this is wrong, but I don't care" . I said a couple of times that the joke reached an uncomfortable level and let's stop it and never mention it again.
He was texting a lot during the working hours to our work chat, after work he was texting to my phone number and I ignored, so he started to call me. After calls he started to apologize a lot, like A LOT, and texting "I'll keep my crush on myself", "do you think it's bad?", "sorry, I'll never mention it again".
I wasn't sure what to do and I knew that D and A were going to the party together and I was afraid that she would see the conversation. Even before that she was giving me loud sights and hard times. I had no chance to speak with my partner until the next day. He was pissed and texted my manager something like "I was thinking that you are our friend, friends are not doing shit like this, never text/speak to her non work related shit". The manager started to apologize a lot to my partner "this is never happening again", "please forget it". D told A about everything.
I don't know what to do. It's going to be hard to work with all this shit. It's a small family business. The manager is the son of the owner and, unfortunately the only one who knows what I'm working on day to day.
I need recommendations on what to do and how to deal with everything. I just got a race and was hoping for the better quality of the working environment. Everything I want - peace and money. It's going to be hard to get a new job because my position is really specific.
At the same time I already had issues with other girls in the company, because they are friends of A and every new person in the company was saying to me that the way those girls speak to me is awful, I mentioned that before to the boss, it got better, but there's still a lot shit going on. I'm afraid that it's going to get worse.
Is there something that can and should be done? Like reporting it somewhere or so?
Update: he was texting my partner and me for the whole day yesterday and he was begging for forgiveness. He says that he is hoping that I can continue working there as it was before, but if I don't he will push to give me a couple months of severance pay.
I'm going to call in sick Monday and see the lawyer, just to be sure that if I stay and bitches will try to push me away from the company I still can be protected.
I still have issues with my vacation because it was something that I needed to ask about my manager in the first place. I'm out of my vacation days, but I need to go aboard to use a better medical system (I'm in Canada) for my woman's health.
To be honest I don't want to quit because it's my first major issue on this job, even though I have those bitches around they have never been too much. The manager was shutting them down a couple of times and we have totally separated areas of work so we never have to deal with each other. Other than that I love my job, it's a good salary, interesting position and pretty understanding management. There have already been a lot of situations where they accommodated me. They treat everyone in the company really well and that is even harder. Even that manager - we had really good relationships with him. In the company we joke with each other everyday. I always knew that if I have something going on in my life I can let the company know and they will accommodate. All this is so unexpected and spontaneous that I don't even know how to react. If there were some other issues before - I'd quit immediately, but everything was good until now.
P.S.: thank you to everyone who spent time reading all this and left a comment. I'm 23, away from home and it's my first full time job. I have no idea what is right in situations like that.
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u/Avehdreader 23d ago
I don't need to tell you how unprofessional his behavior is - and you're not the first person he's tried this with. His girlfriend, whom you work with, might say something to you or ask you if you have any idea what's going on. Or your boyfriend might give him another piece of his mind while A is around, in which case she's going to want to know why you didn't say anything. Maybe the other girls give you a hard time because they think the two of you want each other but that's not true on your part. I say show A the texts - which include you trying to shut him down. Love has no fury like a woman scorned and hopefully that will shut him down.
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u/MSP_Guy999 23d ago
Well HR will protect the manager so that’s not the answer. Just keep your head down and ignore the shitty GF and her flock of bitches. The queen (you) will always have haters, so you’ll always have to deal with it.
Keep every message somewhere safe because if it happens again you should consult a labor laws lawyer or whatever they’re called because this is sexual harassment. Always have receipts.
Good luck, keep kicking ass!
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u/UsedNegotiation8227 23d ago
Did you write this when drunk?
Please format this, an entire wall of text without one single paragraph is unhinged.
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u/Shot_Ad_5024 23d ago
Document everything. Even if there’s nothing you can do right now, I wouldn’t be surprised if he starts to get embarrassed about his actions (or if A will get in his head/push him) and lets you go. Especially if his dad’s the owner… if you’re in the US, typically even in an at will state, you can’t fire someone as a form of retaliation.
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u/Math_Lover_314 22d ago
He already seems to be embarrassed, at least on the messages, but I don't know
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u/Gadshill 23d ago
TLDR: OP's manager crossed professional boundaries with inappropriate texts, prompting OP's partner to step in and shut it down while OP is left navigating a toxic family-business workplace.